Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

The irony of you saying not going on a trip would have dire consequences when the chaps mum is quite literally dying …

Your children need to to make their holiday easier.

Come again? There is no obligation whatsoever on OP's children here.

You're entitled to think that, I disagree.

I don’t think she should be sending her children alone at all. I think she should be postponing the entire thing and supporting her partner of 8 years who’s going to be going through a life changing event. Of course there seems to be suggestion that they’re not that serious/close enough to warrant her being with him but then I’m wondering why she would be fretting about not being able to be there for him. In my experience her
choosing a holiday because that’s what it is, just holiday over supporting her partner is going to cause some resentment for sure. There aren’t many reasons in life why you should put your plans on hold but the death of a loved one, especially when you get the opportunity to be by their side in their last moments, which so few get the chance to do is certainly a reason to pause things. As for getting her money back, get partner to request a letter from the Dr she was under the care of to show airlines they may not refund but might offer alternative dates.

You need to go with your kids. It's a Hobson's choice. But ultimately going with your kids is the right option.

Your partner will have others to support him. You can keep in very close contact via phone and text and be there emotionally best you can. He'll understand the predicament you're in.

Cancelling this trip has dire consequences for your kids, your family in US, financially (can't be ignored) and all the time you're going to spend hanging off the phone cancelling it all and telling people. Disappointed and confused kids and family. Whereas if you go, there's one person who may "lose" from it. It's very sad and very unfortunate, but it's the lesser of the two evils.

Seriously? Well you’re very much in the minority.

if my partner of 8 years didn’t understand that my kids would always be my top priority even in an awful dilemma like this I would end the relationship.

You go on holiday. Your kids should always come first, and hard as it will be for your partner you go with your kids

He is the one who can cancel

And I think if at 18, plus the younger DC, my mum had said she wanted us to travel alone to see family in America while she stayed to see her boyfriend because his mum was dying, with no notice at all, it would impact my relationship.

America has some of the worst airports and the nastiest immigration in the world. Certainly in the global North. I wouldn’t send my teenager alone with dependent kids and with no notice. And I wouldn’t cancel a long-awaited holiday for my whole family.

It’s Hobson’s choice and fortunately the boyfriend is a lovely man who understands that.

She said in her post "he’s got his adult kids and two siblings at the hosp". She may upset them more if she turns up without her children. She tells them don't worry they're on their way to America. She has already said they are a close family would they leave their children to travel alone without them. The last thing the op needs is his family slagging her off about her parenting. They will have an opinion I would and so would a lot of people with children. Kirsty Allsop was reported to social services for allowing her 16 year old? to go travelling with his friend after he completed his GCSEs.

It’s hardly a once in a lifetime trip all her family live there! She’s been with her partner 8 years so he is significant in her life! Send the children on and fly out a bit later!

💯 agree - you go OP with your children. They are your first priority. Also he is not alone - he has his siblings, children and other family. You can still offer emotional support from the States on a daily basis and importantly you will be back in the UK before the funeral and will be there to support for that and also the months to come.

Got it

Your children need to to make their holiday easier.
He needs you because his Mum is dying. (Whatever he says - you know how this will be feeling for him.)

Are you sure your teens can't cope? It would be an adventure for them - whatever happens.

That was my first thought. The op was very honest about the relationship in her posts. He sounds like a nice man. The op and her partner have a sensible relationship that doesn't cross boundaries. I think the op is stressed about the journey in the morning and leaving her partner. It will all be fine she is doing the right thing.

It's incorrect to say that the OP has met her partner's mother once. She says she's seen her "lots of times" and that she's a "lovely lovely lady." The OP's children are the ones who have only met the DP's mother once.

Seems you've got a good 'un there, OP, lucky you! This is really very simple.

You've made it clear you're in his corner, he's made it clear he understands and appreciates that.

Go. Enjoy your holiday. It sounds like he'll cope.

It's a 9 to 10 hour flight to get to America. I went to Jamaica 20 years ago and the time was 5 or 6 hours behind. Op goes to America then comes back to UK then goes back to America then back to the UK that's 36 hours of flying plus jet lag. She will need a holiday after all that travelling after she gets back with her children in the UK.

Well in that case they’re not that serious and she shouldn’t be fretting about not being by his side to begin with …

And one other thing, people who are dying sometimes take a lot longer timeline than you expect. My mum was given the last rights when I was in my early 20s, and she lived another 10 years. She had been in a coma for several days and was absolutely expected to die. Not saying to expect a miracle, not at all, but this might go on for longer than you expect.

I think you just have to tell him you are going and keep in touch with him as much as you can.

They are not a blended family. The op is not close with his family only him. What about his children wanting privacy don't they matter. I think he is a very sensible man who puts his family first. The op has only met his mum once. It's about him and his family and he needs to support his children not the op. He has asked her to go. It's not the right time for her to be there.

Can you take your kids there and then fly back for a few days to support him in the immediate days? Will be cheaper for 1 person and less stressful for them as there will be family there?

What a lot of very strange people on this thread. OP is panicking because she wants to be there for her long term partner at a very sad and momentous time of his life. She’s not abandoning her children on the side of a motorway to watch him play football ffs.
She loves him, she wants to be there for him and that’s why she didn’t know what to do.
I don’t believe anyone ticking her off is actually that weirdly cold and detached in real life, or at least I hope not.

@Allcrisisnocalm glad you talked to him and he knows you’d be there if you could. I’m so sorry for his loss and yours and I hope you and the children can still have a lovely holiday.

She can’t just rearrange her plans less than 7 hours before she is due to fly out though. She’s already said the insurance won’t cover it. Not everyone has thousands of pounds to just throw away.

It’s about him though, and her being there for him. Not stopping her dying. If your mother died I would hope your partner considered your feelings too!

It’s just a holiday (which can rescheduled/taken at another time) vs her partners mother dying …. Why on earth are people acting like she’s abandoning her children if she postponed or re-arranged her plans. I cannot believe how dismissive and insensitive so many posters are over her partner going through such a traumatic event.