Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

It is definitely the right decision to go as planned, OP. As hard as it is, you can't really cancel going when it is such an important occasion and absolutely you shouldn't send them alone. 18 is quite young to still to be taking responsibility for younger siblings and American immigration can be horrendous.
For the first few weeks, your partner will likely have spent it with his own family and dealing with practical matters - this might be easier alone anyway

Condolences on the loss. My Dad died after a long illness. Mum had already passed away. Both my brother and I had weekends away booked which were non refundable and quite expensive. Boutique hotel in Snowden for them and Las Vegas with rugby for us. We all went away but did have some guilt about it. I know it would have been what my Dad would have told us to do. I am sure that you can support from been away, your kids need you too and would be so disappointed not to make the trip

I'm sorry for his loss. I am glad it did not drag on, not trying to sound cruel, just that sitting in the hospital with a dying parent is hell.

I’d take your kids. I’d be very worried immigration won’t even let them travel alone as it will raise red flags surely.

I agree with @Greengagesnfennel. Fly out with the children, keep in touch with your DP and then you can always fly back early to support him if you need to.

If your children need to fly home alone, that’ll be easier.

OP - when my dad died very suddenly I had all sorts of friends and family trying to "come be with me" to support me. I just wanted to be alone. It wasn't until 3 - 4 days later that I started wanting to let people in.

When he says he wants you to go, it may well be that he really doesn't want people around him right now rather than him saying it so you don't lose out.

Give up on sleep, get everything packed, and crash out on the plane in a few hours.

Thanks for the update. I hope this means you have decided to go. I am glad he has plenty of family support.

He has his children and his brother there

I think go, especially if he has said to go too

I personally wouldnt keep messaging him either
Leave him to be with his family or reply when he msgs you first

I understand how you feel, Allcrisnocalm, and feel for you but you are right to go an please do try to enjoy yourself, if only outwardly, for the sake of your children.

You can keep in touch with your partner and he will appreciate that. You'll see him as soon as you get home. He knows you would like to be with him.

When my husband died suddenly, six years ago, my son's partner came over from America very briefly but had to go back before the funeral because her child was starting school. She would have liked to be with us but we all knew - children must always come first.

I am sorry this has happened. x

It's an awful situation but what's the alternative? If you cancelled everything, you'd have to leave some/all of your no doubt upset kids home alone, or take them to wherever your partner and their grieving family are at a very difficult time. That's not fair on anyone.

I'm not a worrier, but it's a bad time to be adding complications to entering the US right now. If one/all of your kids are denied entry for some reason, I'd be a nightmare.

You're doing the right thing by going, and your partner seems to understand that.

Oh and no, it's not even remotely melodramatic. But you already know that :)

Yep. Death happens. It is a sad fact of living that our parents will die. He is not family, he does have family support, and if he cares about her he will want her to go. I am glad she has said she is definitely sending her kids, and I do hope she goes with them and doesn't try to go out later.

The op has not said that some posters have. Some people get lost in threads and forget what the op originally said. I do agree with your last statement she should make herself available to talk on the phone. Be careful of the phone bill I had £300 bill years ago when my partner went to Texas for training. I hear EE is a good network to use in Jamaica but I am not sure about America.

This has already been responded to later after the OP responded to me and stated that she had no intention of taking away her kids' holiday to prioritise her boyfriend's family, so already asked and answered.

You're just being silly now.

It came out of the blue, she hasn't been terminal for 8 months. His emotions are going to be all over the place. Of course he'll blurt it out !!!!!

But it still doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do to cancel a long haul trip for her children to see their family with less than 24hours notice. Ultimately, it's the son (him) that absolutely needs to be there for his mum. That goes without saying. Sons partner and her children are not essential to the poor dying woman. And dealing with all the stress of cancelling everything the op is not going to be in a nice calm frame of mind to be optimal support. She can't win in this situation.

When my mother died, I didn’t need my husband to sit next to me while I cried. I needed him to take over running our household with a young child so that I can do nothing but wallow.

your boyfriend has adult children. He doesn’t need you to jump in and handle logistics. There really isn’t anything you can do.

Absolutely this, Fortunately the OP is not going to snatch their holiday from them in order to prioritise her boyfriend and his family.

We’re reading very different threads. The OP has at no point said she’s thinking of ‘taking the holiday away’ how absurdly melodramatic. She’s thinking about an extra day or so here. She requires no patronising reminders of her responsibilities.

OP I think I’d still go on the planned flight, partly because it’s very difficult to be precise about timing of death in many situations and so an extra 24 hours may still not be enough. I’d go and be available by phone as much as possible.

But the OP staying won't change that, while not going will have have consequences for her family.

The op has no family in the UK they live in the states. There is not much the op can do she has to respect his wishes and give him and his family space. It's a lot of money to travel to America and her children want to see their family. They haven't seen them in 9 years and if she followed your advice they may not see them for another 9 years it's not cheap. Her children may resent her if she chooses his family over them seeing theirs.

Ok. You guilt trip her then.

Harsh as it sounds : he's her partner, they're not married, the children aren't his, they don't live together. It does change the dynamics to some degree.

If they were a "family unit" and it was a case of "look kids, Grandma is dying and we need to be home for dad and gran " that is a bit different to :

"Kids, Ken's mum is dying. I'm afraid I need to cancel our trip last minute to see nan and grandad in the US"

Ops children come first ultimately. Ken and his mother (as hideous of a situation it is for the OP who's stuck in the middle ) cannot trump her children.

It's Hobson's choice (repeating myself) but it's the lesser of two evils

Btw OP if I knew my partner was flying out so soon and I truly didn’t want my partner to be by me side and make their holiday then I wouldn’t even inform them of my parent dying. He clearly wanted you to know for a reason.