I’ve become a human ATM. No going back?

Hope you know he doesn’t love or care about you, you’re being used because he can smell you’re desperate.
please don’t take that offensive I’m being honest and giving tough love

You need to run. She’s a walking red flag and doesn’t care that she shows it.
think of your children first-you’ve spent money on her and her friends and family that could have gone on your children or saving for their university degree. This is unacceptable-and you’re only 6months in! You’ve spent over 10k on her in 6months? Wow.

Okay, here is what I think you should do. You need to dig deep and set yourself a budget. You can do this. Think of it as a challenge and set that budget into a different bank account and that is what you spend from.

You have to tell your partner that you don’t have much money and that you’re living on a budget and stop spending!!!

Make up a trip for two weeks immediately after the kids are with you so there’s a reason why you are not home and can’t have them stay.

Use that time to try and just get yourself together yourself strong and wean yourself off of them.

you know something has to change you know you’re not happy. I can’t remember if you said you had a therapist, but definitely go and get one that’s where your money should be going not on this financially abusive partner.

What do you mean - it’s not currently an option to end the relationship? That doesn’t sound healthy.

It's not currently an option to end the relationship.

Of course it is. You asked for advice and everyone here is telling you the same thing, but you don’t want to hear it so you’ve persuaded yourself it’s impossible.

If you really can’t end it yourself, just tell her you’ve run out of money and won’t be paying for anything else, and see how long she and her friends stick around.

If you want an incentive, look at it this way: your money could either be spent on her and her friends, or it could be put into savings for your children's future (support to go to university, expensive dream family holidays, help with buying their first property etc.). Which will you choose?

Right download chat gpt its amazing for being my therapist im adhd.

Also ive been you and my ex bf was like this with me.

Look at it this way your partner is benefiting yet your children will be struggling because your spending it on them. End it and find a new partner who has a good job car own home etc nothing less

Just send a text :

"Hi DP. That was a night impromptu night on Tuesday! I'm just doing my accounts for the week, and can see that the take-away for all of us, and the 6 bottles of wine came to £130, so it works out at £21 a head. Please can you send everyone my sort code and account no, and they can transfer me their share. Sort code 55-20-40, acc no 25697512.
It was a nice night! See you tomorrow xxx"

A great one with folk like this, is to get them to put stuff on their card and you send your half. Maybe try that.

You say they don't know what they are doing? OF COURSE they do. Don't be naive.

This is it, summed up perfectly.

OP, it's time to get angry. How DARE they treat you like this??!

It's way over-due time for a conversation with your partner. And if it ends, then that tells you everything you need to know.

You can talk till you're blue in the face with someone like that and on a good day they might pretend to understand, but then forget all about it. Usually, it just escalates into a nasty argument and (if you are as conflict-phobic as me and the OP) you spend the next 15 million years trying to make it up to them because you are worried that you have damaged their fragile equilibrium and you long to "fix" them from hurts instead of adding to them. (I know, it's all fucked up, but that's how it feels...!)

The only way to stop it is to dump them, I'm afraid. I say this as the mug who tried desperately to make things work in this situtation - for YEARS!!!!!!!

I disagree with PPs saying that your DP and her gang are laughing up their sleeves at you. They're not aware of doing anything wrong, they just feel naturally entitled, the way a tapeworm must feel when it attaches itself.

Stop all spending on them and you will really see if they genuinely like you. From what you have posted, we can only see that this person doesn't care for you and is exploiting you.

I am ND and also have a bad history with money, which I'm slowly fixing. I have found therapy enormously helpful in addressing guilt, shame and avoidance. It sounds as though you do have disposal income - would you consider looking for a therapist specifically to help you navigate this tricky situation?

The amount of money you say you have spent on this person is eye-watering. This could be money for your children or (even more importantly) for your future; it could support early retirement, a career break to prevent burnout, etc.

I'm with other posters that this person is using you; someone who is 'reluctant' to accept you paying for things is not someone who brings multiple friends round to get hammered on delicious food and excellent wine at your expense. If you are feeling anxious about leaving the relationship, a good therapist could be extremely helpful before, during and after.

I agree with the previous poster who suggested announcing that you're having a 'financial reset' over a period of time (six months could be good!) and cutting down all discretionary spending. I wish you luck and strength in cutting out this unpleasantness from your life.

Yep I’m afraid I have only seen this dynamic (the family and friends aspect) in lesbian relationships! Not to say it doesn’t happen in straight relationships too, but abuse does often look different in same sex relationships.

You are allowing yourself to be used.

This sounds like financial abuse/cuckooing honestly OP. They move in with you, bring all their family and friends round, and order each other food, drink, things off amazon, and are now planning for you to pay for their friends’ holidays??

There is nothing you can say to make them pay their own way, because the only thing they are interested in is bleeding you dry I’m afraid. They won’t stop just because you can’t afford it. Once they have spent all your money they’ll be gone.

Get rid now, and see if you can get some counselling to prevent this from happening again.

The OP hasn't said it's a man

You are being taken advantage of. This is not normal or acceptable. End this immediately.

I think you sound so kind and thoughtful and you’ve got yourself in a muddle. Do some good organising so you don’t need take aways or food shops when she’s there and instead menu plan and explain that you are trying to get a grip on your spending as it was spiralling and you want to be back to normal by the end of the year. I personally think her reaction will tell you all you need to know. I suspect she will try hard to get you to pay for things (most likely by inviting hungry people to your house so you feel pressured into paying). You are going to need to steel yourself for those moments. You could stop your access to your cards if you need to and just use cash for a month or two. I know if it was me I would have to let it play out, but there is an alternative. You could just end the relationship. You could just not see her when the kids are away for a couple of weeks.

I’ve been in a financially unequal relationship and it was nothing like you describe. This is about how she is and it doesn’t make you stronger.

Is she quite a bit younger than you?

OP - does your girlfriend work? Does she even have a job? I love the idea of a no-spend August but If you feel awkward admitting you’re feeling the pinch then tell her you’ve got a huge tax bill to pay by the end of the month. Something you can’t avoid that’s going to take all your funds.

in reality You need to get out fast. But that might push her away anyway. You’re being massively exploited.

Please get out OP. This person is abusing you. I know you don’t like confrontation, so if you need to just send a text and say it is over and please no further contact. No need to explain or fight, you aren’t responsible for another adult and don’t owe them anything. Please put your kids first, this relationship will impact them massively in terms of your finances and mental health if it continues any longer. You can do this mama! Wishing you so much strength and the future happiness you deserve.

Are you familiar with the sunk cost fallacy? I’m gobsmacked you’ve paid for their psychologist assessment but you won’t fix them. This woman being ND doesn’t excuse her exploiting you.

I wonder what her ex-boyfriend would say? That he forced her to spend money? Much more likely, he paid but insisted she pay her half back. If she were paying her way, how much would she owe you by now? Probably a similar sum, or heading that way.

You really should dump her, or your money will be depleted. This is a very expensive habit you’ve developed. If it were a coke habit it could hardly be more expensive. And just like if it were, it may seem impossible to quit but you should.

OP you sound very vulnerable and this is a VERY abusive relationship. She is a financial and emotional abuser. You do not have to have her family and friends in your house. You sound afraid to end the relationship. She will destroy your self worth and bleed you dry. Please see sense and end this. Do you havecant friends or family to support you? This thread is very worrying. Her story re her debt to her ex is bull. She did to him, what she is doing to you. Get rid.

You are not going get anywhere if you continue this right relationship. She and her friends are using you up to the hill. Her friends are taking her lead on this so she is not an innocent. You are incredibly bad with your finances if you're spending £10,000 on a couple of holidays when you say you now have money worries. This woman is not a friend. Her friends are not your friends. They are all complete users. There are women out there who will not treat you like this. There are women who will treat you kindly and who will bring their own money to the relationship.

Are you scared of being alone? More scared of being alone and being scared of living with somebody who's utterly ripping you off and sees you as a cash point?

I think you should immediately end this relationship and spend the money on counselling.

6 months in should be sunshine and rainbows and not a nuclear war. You deserve so much better than this. You got so much going on in your life and this person brings absolutely nothing to the table. I can't see the attraction, I can't see why you do this to yourself. Run, before it's too late!

Easily said but you need to have The Conversation and express how unhappy you are and end this relationship now. It needs done before it impacts your health and your ability to work. If talking to them is difficult put it in writing as you gave done here. Change your locks. Put a freeze on your bank card. Your children and your health must come first. The alternative is to be bled dry.