I’ve become a human ATM. No going back?

Anyone who knows they're fucking potless, yet invites themselves plus several other broke people round to my house to eat a takeaway I paid for, I'd be fucking seething.

Do not invite this person or his friends or family anymore. Or buy them anything. It's not normal to just fund someone else because they claim to be skint. He's a grown man FFS. Get credit, get more hours at work, stop wanting things like takeaways you can't afford.

He's using you. Plain and simple.

Your cocklodger partner has put the call out, and now you've crowds of cocklodgers coming over.
You need to ditch ALL these shameless freeloaders, including partner.

You are leaving yourself very vulnerable here. IF, and I mean IF, they do ever sort out their finances your usefulness to them decreases and this could be the point where they walk away as you are no longer needed.

At the very least have a very firm, blunt but calm conversation with them that you are not paying to host their family like that again without any contributions. If their family wish to visit they can but THEY need to organise with them that they either feed themselves before they come or they chip in for the takeaways.

It sounds like you are treading on eggshells afraid of her kicking off and feeling exploited at the same time. That is no way to live and no relationship is worth that, so tell her things need to change, if she cares for you she will try.

This needs to stop. You are being abused.

This is a nasty person you are seeing OP. She is abusing you financially and bullying you.
It sounds as if she knows exactly what she is doing.
Please get rid of her.
Have you got any genuine friends or family who could give you support?
Please try to find ways of building up your confidence so that you are less vulnerable to someone like this taking advantage of you.

Hi OP.
I too am ND and have learned my lesson in funding others. It’s why I am still working and not retired as my savings/investments were frittered away, slowly at first and then less slowly. Then I was afraid of singledom. Now I am stiff of back and hard of nose. I pay only my own way as have been burned badly. Metaphorically speaking.

Please end this relationship, as other MNers have advised. I suspect that not only are you being financially abused but that you might end up being cuckoo’d. Your person is bringing their friends around to be wined and dined at your expense, how are they getting back? Are they staying over and eating the contents of your fridge and cupboards for breakfast and lunch? When will they stay all weekend, then all week. Before you know it, you will be a ‘guest’ in your own home. This is how these people work. They think that you are ‘all in’. Due to my old career, when much younger, I have seen similar with people who are deemed to be malleable.
It’s only been 6 months and they have taken you for £10k. That is half my annual take home pay - so to me that is a phenomenal amount of money. I get that amounts are subjective though. Have your DCs made any comment on your new partner/person? They may have an opinion if they can see you being asset stripped.

As they don’t drive, call them while they at your house if you can’t do a face to face. Heck, Phil Collins dumped his wife by fax, so a phone call is way nicer.
You sound a lovely, lovely person. There are folks out there who would love to date someone like you and who will respect your financial boundaries.

BTW, I am loving the gratitude month of August idea. I actually have ‘no spend’ months a couple of times a year. If dumping this person is not an option for you due to their volatility, definitely consider ‘no spend’ month. If it all goes well, double up and do ‘no spend’ September too. I’m betting that your person’s friends will melt away like morning mist on the river.

I wish I could give you a reassuring hug. Only I am ND and don’t hug, but consider one sent.

Get rid. They are using you for money and I suspect when the money dries up or you kick back and say no, they’ll be off like a shot

Yes, she's not really explained why not.

It’s not currently an option to end the relationship

Why not?

Are you sure you aren’t using neurodiversity as an excuse for abusive behaviour? You said you knew within weeks of beginning the relationship that something wasn’t right, and then you got her privately diagnosed at your own expense as neurodiverse and because of that diagnosis you can’t leave.

You sound very co-dependent and vulnerable and have created a narrative where you have to martyr yourself for this abusive woman who was throwing up red flags left and right to begin with, but it can’t be her fault because you paid a doctor to medicalise it and call it ‘neurodiversity’. What if she’s just a horrible abuser? Being neurodiverse is no free pass to treat people like she is treating you. She can be as ND as she can be, but she still has to be kind and loving and respectful.

And you may be ND too, but it doesn’t mean you get to open the doors for everyone to exploit you. You are worth more than that. You should be spending this money not on her and diagnoses, but on therapy and support for yourself so you can go out and flourish without letting everyone trample all over you like you are currently doing.

they live with me when my kids are at their dads (we alternate weeks as they work away), living luxuriously tbh. Big shop at M&S, expensive meats from butchers, always buying movies off my Amazon, I’ll (off my own back) order gifts like bits and bobs or the odd clothing items. I’ve never had so much as a bunch of flowers. If ever it’s came up in an argument they say well if you don’t want to do it then don’t.

Someone who cares for you wouldn't exploit you in this way. Take them at their word, you're stopping paying because you don't want to. If they kick off say money's got tighter lately as you've been spending more than usual.

Why are they so skint, do they work?

Op you shouldn't have to pay someone to be in a relationship with you. Would you still want to be with her even if you weren't paying for everything? She doesn’t sound very nice.

I've been where you are, i thought that spending money on relationships and friends would mean they liked me and appreciated it. It didn't work like that, they became entitled and angry when my purse stayed shut. Being free and easy with your cash opens the door for users to take advantage.

I got rid of the users eventually, with some it was like prising limpets from a rock but i stayed away, concentrated on myself, gathered up some self esteem and now only tolerate equal relationships.

And OP I’m sorry but as for ending this not being an option - and this is not a relationship, it’s a swindle - I think you need to have a long think about why you’re saying that. You could end it if YOU chose to, what you need to do is figure out the steps to help you make that choice. For yourself and for your child. But starting with closing down that option is really worrying - you’ve only known this chancer for six months and you already don’t feel you can end it? How will you feel in another six months? A year?

Say 'I can't afford to wine and dine you' a few times and see what happens. If the relationship cools and the friends stop visiting, well, you've got your answer.

They're so rude. Horrible selfish people. 😒

Yes, it's a very toxic relationship, isn't it? Just lying won't deal with what is - as you say - a situation with a parasite.

OP I hope you’re feeling ok. From all you’ve said in your replies and how she is treating you it sounds really upsetting. And I don’t want to cause you more upset but you refer to her as your ‘partner’. But you’ve only known her for half a year and she’s showing zero signs of being interested in you that way.

To be blunt, her behaviour is not of someone who considers you her partner but her mark - someone who is an easy target for a hustle, to take advantage of and to essentially use to get what she wants. If she was really so sensitive about money she’d be sensitive about how much you’re spending and at least say thank you and check if you’re ok to spend it - not expect it and worse get her friends involved.

Her being ‘sensitive’ about money and volatile with any criticism is a perfect method to keep you from speaking up, it’s manipulative and it’s what con artists do. This woman does not care about you and that must be painful but please care about yourself enough to get her out of your life before she takes further advantage of you or worse erodes your sense of self until she has wedged herself so firmly into your life she impacts you negatively long term and ruins your finances - and has god only knows what impact on your child who she’ll eventually drag into it.

Right now you say she won’t meet them but in time these types will push the boundaries more and more until before you know it she is living with you full time and draining you for everything plus being a negative influence on your child (which she is already indirectly being since she’s causing you so much stress)

spend some time figuring out your boundaries and then you can find someone who actually is able to be a partner and sees your value - not on what they can con out of you but in you as a person.

"partner" is sorting their finances out very nicely thank you - by getting you to pay for everything.
They aren't a partner - more a freeloading CF

If for some unfathomable reason you cant end the "relationship", match their spending and input - you eat together and its basic pasta or similar - not expensive take out for him and his extended family FFS.
if you stop being an ATM - as you have described yourself - DP is likely to find it a lot easier to end the relationship than you do, Stop being a mug.

She sounds a right catch. However, she's hit the jackpot with the OP, hasn't she? She won't go quietly because this type of parasite won't want to give up this lucrative goldmine without being dragged away kicking and screaming.

Ignore the advice to lie. That's not going to help you to deal with this, or similar future issues. Just be honest and get this person out of your life.

Can you just say something like you’re had a word with a financial advisor as part of a yearly review and you need to rein it in a bit? Maybe you could actually say it’s cost you 10k in six months and advise you’re horrified by that figure as it means you’ve much less to spend on takeaways, meals out and holidays so you’ll need to have six months of just basic living and whilst friends can come for meals they’ll all need to bring a dish and a bottle to contribute. I bet he wouldn’t like that and then you’ll see he’s just not committed and interested in only money.

The partner is a woman.

Autism has affected my whole life and has made maintaining relationships very difficult. The long term relationships I have had usually ended up with someone exploiting me. I stayed in the worst relationship for years because I thought it was the best I would ever get.

I'm almost fifty now and decided a few years ago I would just stay single. It's been liberating, I never liked sex much anyway and bollocks to all the people suggesting I must be lonely, I have good friends and family.

No relationship is way better than an abusive one.

"3 nights ago, new DP came around with their sister" are you even certain that woman was his sister?
Either way this man is horrible to you. However hard it is to say no, you have to. Its the only way to save yourself and get some real answers along the way.