I’ve become a human ATM. No going back?

Have I missed a sensible and understandable reason why OP can’t end his relationship right now?

So if you said to this woman “look, I can’t keep subsidising you. It’s leaving me without enough for my kids”, she would go apeshit, sulk, argue that you should pay for her - and her family, and her friends? She’s not a partner. She’s not a good person.

So you're afraid they could go there if you tell them it's done.

Have a trusted friend or family member there and up your security. Reinforce those deadbolts. Cameras. Phone charged and on you so you can record.

Are you seriously willing to go into debt and fuck your kids to pay for this freeloader and her posse?

And get therapy.

I just feel angry with you @Tiredbut reading this. You're definitely being exploited and you know it. I don't think your partner loves you because when you love someone you don't want to take advantage (and let friends and family take advantage!) of that person.

You say she's not materialistic. She is though, with your money. She's a CF showing up with friends at your house to be fed. I can hear them saying "let's go to Mug to eat". You need to find your anger. You are worthy of love and respect OP. You are setting a very bad example for your children by letting yourself being abused. End this NOW.

Seriously find your voice and anger and stop being a complete and utter walk over. Why are you letting this happen?!

You need to work on your self esteem OP, it must be on the floor

She’s a nasty freeloading piece of shit common or garden abusive cunt.

Why are you happy to lay down like a doormat and beg her to wipe her feet on you again and again - and the. Invite all and sundry to join in with the abuse?

Get out now before the abuse ramps up even further- read up on others in your situation who have ended up being bankrupted and tortured just to keep their cashpoint t going.

OP, I’m another person who rarely posts but feel yju need the advise to help you take control of your life.

you are not responsible for this person, and most importantly you are not responsible for how they will react to you stopping paying for things (which I think u need to do so immediately, not so much as a loaf of bread!). or how they react if you decide to end the relationship. Their gender is neither here nor there. You’re being used and abused. Hold your head up high, you’re not in the wrong here, she is - but please put a stop to being taking advantage of and don’t ever let anyone take advantage of you again.

if you decide you o have a chat to say you’re no longer funding everything and/or ending it then don’t do that in your home, do it in a neutral place, maybe a public place, so that you can walk away (and they won’t be in your home if they do kick off)

You are being used.

Only you can put a stop to it.

If you are scared of losing a volatile person who uses your money and brings people round who also use your money then all I can advise is seeing your gp to talk about the possibility of accessing talking therapy.

This is truly upsetting to read. Op you are in an abusive relationship. She sounds horrific, please please get rid of this awful person.
And you are a mother - what on earth is it like for your poor children (who are ultimately being denied what should be theirs) to be witnessing this toxicity.
Volatile sounds like a euphemism for nasty bully.

Nobody falls in love quicker than someone that needs a place to live or a person to pay for their lifestyle..
Would they be with you if you didn’t pay for everything?

If he genuinely cares for you, if you tell him that you’ve no money or can’t afford to do x, y, z any longer he will support you, and help you financially. He won’t mind nipping to Aldo for a takeaway pizza and sit and watch a movie, he won’t care the holidays won’t go ahead, he’ll stop his friends and family asking you for financial assistance.

If the above doesn’t happen when you say you can’t afford your current lifestyle any longer, dump him.

You made reference in one post to ‘helping each other’

I can’t see one single example of her helping you. Plenty of you putting yourself and your children’s needs and finances second to a volatile, ungrateful parasite who is taking you for an absolute mug
Its abuse, pure and simple.

Tell her you've no more money left and she'll dump you anyway, so job done.

Then be more careful with your next partner.

You can't buy a relationship OP.

I think you should tell them excitedly that in August you are planning to try out this great new gratitude activity you have heard about called "spend nothing month" where you only pay for your essential medical needs, housing and utility/insurance/tax bills, transport to/from work only, and food/hygiene item shops of basic/value ingredients (you are allowed to use up store cupboard items and use possessions that you already own however you want though).

Then do it! (you don't want to lie)

I predict that there will be much anger, criticism, mocking, trying to pretend they think you are joking, and sadness from your (freeloading) partner, which will demonstrate to you that they are in fact not a team player willing to try a cool new thing out with you for one month, but a leech.

You need to get this person out of your life and away from your children. This woman is exploiting you and is dangerous. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children, because they are the ones that are losing out here.

Every day you stay with her, you are choosing her over your children. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth. Let that sink in.

OP, just dump your partner please and go cold turkey.

Rethink your social life. Meet out for meals, but only pay for yourself. Or picnics, where you just take your own food, or drink out and you buy 1 round.

Time to change.

Oh come on OP your so called partner is well and truly freeloading off of you and is absolutely laughing in your face by inviting their friends and family to scrounge off you as well.

They saw you coming but you’re facilitating their scrounging. You know you’re being exploited but you don’t seem to care. You’d rather stay with this fanny freeloader than find your self respect.

You either dump the piss taler or accept you just hand over every penny you have in your desperation to keep her.

What are you getting from this relationship? You are not being treated with the consideration you should reasonably expect of a loving partner. You ought to have a long hard look in the mirror until you realise this relationship is one in which you give and she takes. It’s emotionally draining as well as unaffordable. It’s arguably a form of financial abuse. My strong recommendation is you end it and chalk the costs up to experience.

What?!?

Honestly OP, kindly, please, get a bloody grip!

You don’t owe this person anything.

If you can’t accept that you owe it to yourself, then I will say you owe it to your kids to reclaim your life and finances.

Seriously you do.

Tomorrow.

Oh no this changes things. What was looking like financial abuse is clearly a much larger abusive picture. Please get out now OP - don't morph into someone you aren't and change everything to make someone's life easier. Please think about your kids and call Women's Aid.

And it’s not even as if the relationship is great. Red flags everywhere!! What is keeping you with them?? You owe them nothing. I’d save your money for counselling.

Ah damn I pressed the wrong voting button. I don’t think this new partner is good. They should be seeking equity, it’s possible to plan a special evening even if skint. It also seems they are not bringing out the best in you, if you don’t feel you can be honest.