Friend upset with me because I said her DSD shouldn't call her Mum

She brought it up, I simply can't be botheed with people that cannot bear another viewpoint to their own, it's not like you asked her for the information. Clearly she thought you'd ooh and ahh how cute it was and that she was so right to encourage it. Her standpoint on this is both daft, selfish and will cause issues.

Anyway, you're right and she's wrong and I hope the actual mother gets to hear about it and puts her right back in her place. She's not the child's mother and it is wrong and cruel to try to coerce or cajole her STEP daughter into pretending otherwise. The only time this is appropriate is if a parent has been abusive and is non contact and it is something the CHILD wants.

If the child continues to call her mum, the best response from your friend would simply be to respond without commenting on it either way. But the kid won't, she just made a mistake, I remember calling my teacher mum once, it doesn't mean I thought of her as my mother.

Well, unless the child feels she has to now that her stepmother has made a thing of it. She's wrong and she should have let it go past without comment.

I would not have apologised for this.

Accidentally tho? Like you might to a teacher

You were totally right. Especially as the step daughter went quiet she obviously thinks your pal is a weirdo. Your pal is taking it all out on you as she probably senses it didn't
Land well with dsd.

I would be fuming if my child had a stepmother who said that to him- he's feel so awkward and confused about what to do.

Phone trying to post twice - sorry

Excuse the language but fuck that shit.
My DCs were encouraged to name OW as ‘bonus mum’ - they didn’t need one as they already had a perfectly adequate mother (it was just a shame that their father couldn’t keep his penis in his trousers).

Kids use the wrong name all the time.

Teacher getting called mum, mum getting called dad, dad getting called school friend's name, etc.

I can't imagine any of those people ever saying "oh you can call me that if you want to". They'd just recognise it was a slip of the tongue and carry on the conversation. Your friend saying that probably made the poor kid feel awkward and she didn't know what to say in response?!

I've been a step mum, and would never have said this. I had a step mum and never would have called her mum.

Most kids surely would think this was a bit weird?! And most actual mums would think it was a bit "off" like you did?

Leaver her be op. Hopefully she'll realise you weren't being unreasonable.

God your mate sounds really highly strung. I agree with you and think you did nothing wrong, but also even if she was offended clearly you didn’t mean any harm, it’s irritating at worst. If she is genuinely fuming she needs to chill the fuck out/do some work on herself

You wrote that your friend said she was entitled to tell her to call her mum, but a few sentences before that, you said she told the girl she could do it if she wanted.

They’re quite different IMO. First one is an instruction, second one reads to me like someone who isn’t fussed either way.

I'm a SM and my stepchildren have called me mum by accident and I don't really make a big deal. I'd never suggest they call me mum as they have a mum. If DH and I separated I don't think I'd be happy about my DC calling their SM "mum"

She’s reacted badly because she probably knows that she’s overstepping and is embarrassed you drew attention to it.

You’re right and you shouldn’t have apologised!

You’re getting a kicking because you’ve admitted to also being a step mum and now have a target on your back.

If you’d asked if it was okay for a step child you saw 3 times a fortnight to call you mum you’d have been ripped to shreds. Your friend is overstepping and it won’t do anyone any good. The “not your business” crew on here would think it was everyone’s business if it was their child and their child’s step mum.

I would have asked her how she would deal with her DSDs mother if she found out and had an issue with it.
Imo your pov isn't wrong but there are many ways to skin a cat.

It’s none of your business.

I think you are right. I like my friends to be honest with me about things. I’d also hate it if I found out my ex husband’s wife had been encouraging my daughter to call her mum.

My child occasionally calls teachers “mum” … it’s not uncommon for children to mis speak mum to women.

imo DSD mis-spoke, did not call her mum out of love or whatever.

your friend was flattered, but imo, DSD won’t call her mum again,

apologise

Sounds like she pounced on the chance and the child thought erm what? Opportunist and not ok.

Well it is if you bring it up to in conversation? Or did she not expect a response

You may be right but I'd also have been incredibly pissed off to have a friend wade into my family life like that. It really is absolutely none of your business.

Of course you are right to say it she’s your mate she’ll get over it. She put dsd
in a really awkward position. If she wants to call her mum it will happen naturally. But if she repeats it to her own mother it will come across as SM encouraging dsd to cqll
her mum.

there just no need for it to be said.

You are right. First of all it is not her place to have this conversation with the SD without discussion with her parents.

As a teacher, I am mistakenly called mum regularly. It is just a slip of the tongue. You friend put SD in an awkward position by saying that.

It's interesting to me that step mothers are always being told that their feelings don't matter and the child should come first. But if a child wanted to call her mum then it's unacceptable as actually the mum's feelings come first in this case.

You are right. She shouldn't tell her she can call her Mum if she wants to. T was a dlip
if tongue y DSD, that's all, the way kids sometimes accidentally call their teachers Mum.

The child has a Mum she mainly lives with, it's disrespectful to encourage the child to call her mum too.

it becomes 'your business' to comment when she shares it with you.

If you can’t have your friends give you an honest opinion, who can? Friends who tell you it like it is, for your own sake, are the best friends you could have. A dying breed, it seems.

Her DSD called her Mum, then your friend said it was ok to do that if she wanted.

I think that’s very different from your friend telling her to do it.