Ever Grieving SIL

Two stories

Mine. I lost my grandfather. Was far closer to him my whole life than I was to my parents. A huge issue for my mother (his daughter) as she hated me for it and i think of him every day. I never talk about it on social media and rarely irl as its private. I dont think I will ever stop grieving him, I cry and miss him all the time.

My cousins lost their father last year. He was my fathers older brother and best friend. Father talks about him sometimes but in private. Cousins posted on his birthday and fathers day. They didnt make one of their sons graduations about him (I am so sad that Grandad wasnt here for it) or ones daughter moving abroad (Oh grandad would have been so proud) etc.

Sounds performative and would irritate me.

I am aware of prolonged grief but ime that manifests in a far more personal and MH level. It doesnt present as a need to post on SM.

Frankly it sounds like the grief version of someone checking in at A&E and then "Will PM you hun".

Sorry for your loss, but it will change. I lost my dad 38 years ago and I think of him with fondness and nostalgia, not grief or sadness.

It takes time, but it will happen 💐

It's not the grief that's the issue - some people do suffer for many years, we know. But why does everything have to go on social media? I think that's the point here. To most people, grief is a private and personal thing. So, in the old days, I never understood why people put long, sentimental messages in newspapers on the anniversary of a death. It's not as if the deceased could read it, so it must have been somehow to "impress" other family and friends? Who knows? But the social media performative stuff is the modern version, whereas many of us would absolutely never want to make our feelings public for all to see.

A miserable little thread. It doesn’t affect you in any way op, and you can easily mute. It’s definitely you who needs to get over yourself.

It would not bother me. One priest constantly post his wife from when they married. She died later on in life, from old age illness not at a young age. He misses her and she is the love of his life.

I just sigh and keep scrolling, he has valuable posts to me so why would I be bothered what HE thinks of HIS wife.

We call that a grief thief - even a vague relationship generates an outpour on social media from our friend. Also have a SIL who cannot get over her parents death after many years but she completely dismissed the death of my parent a few years before.

I'm really sorry to hear that. It must be so hard. I would want to talk about them too. Love and hugs ❤🌹 xxxx

I’ve got a relative whose mum died about 20 years ago and does this! The whole family are sick of It!

There's grieving, and there's posting every other day on facebook about how much you are grieving. They are very different things.

My parents' and their entire generation are dead and I never met my grandparents

Death is a fact of life and people who whine decades after someone has died, really are a nuisance

Yes it's sad, but life carries on

I'd mute her on SM

Opinion…. Is just that an opinion. Doesn’t mean op is right and the SIL is wrong. People hand things differently

Oh right so only parents are allowed to grieve openly. Everyone else has an arbitrary cut off point where if they aren't over a death in 6 months there's something wrong with them.

I'd be interested to know what she iys like IRL- if her behaviour in person matches up with her Facebook behaviour.

I'd be annoyed too if in person she seemed like she was no longer affected by that level of grief. There are people out there who are genuinely stuck in grief for years, and I don't want to judge someone struggling.

But from your post it sounds like she's okay in real life but milking her loss for all it's worth on Facebook, which is a thing some people do.

I would mute her on Facebook. She'll never know so it won't cause drama.

It sounds over the top and performative.

I don't feel that way at all, but then perhaps me n ernest have little in common

Well... of course, what's the point you're trying to make?

Grief endures and hits people at all times of random times. But endless relentless posting about it, when it is someone who died at a ripe old age, does make me raise my eyebrows

Sometimes I wonder if they realise other people have lost people too or whether they think their grief is unique

I have also noticed that the people who do this incessantly are often people who constantly bitched about that same relative when they were still alive!

Anyway, just mute or ignore .

Grief is complex. Everyone has a different reaction. You dont have to get involved..

YANBU, saying that as someone who lost their last parent 2 yrs ago. The first year was incredibly hard, second year had it's moments. Now I just want to get on with celebrating the living and quietly mourning the dead.
I even get annoyed at people msgs saying 'thinking of you today'. The pressure to go to the cemetery for every possible reason and if I don't, why not. Just FO. I'll do it my own way and I don't need to post about it.

I have a relative like this, only it’s closer to 20 years and nobody is allowed to be more heartbroken or suffer grief to anything like the same extent. It has caused very hurtful incidents because said relative’s grief is the only grief that counts, and I for one will never forget that. Or, quite frankly, forgive it.

I’ll never forget the day my manager came to find me at work to say my family had been trying to contact me because a parent had died suddenly. A colleague that sounds very similar to your SIL fell to the floor sobbing (without tears) because hers had also died, I later on found out they had died 12 years earlier. My manager did turn round to them and say that’s very sad but Teenys has just passed so let’s give her chance to process it rather than causing a distraction (she phrased it better than that)

I’m a ruthless muter these days! Do it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

If she is just like this on facebook please just mute/stop following her newsfeed. I know a few people who are a bit similar on Facebook, I just think it is how they cope. No point wasting your life getting stressed about this, it is why Facebook as the function.