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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be mad at his speed?

90 replies

Thegiftoftime · 18/07/2025 18:22

So DH like his cars. We are middle aged and have responsibilities including one teenager dd still at home and both have professional jobs where we need to be able to commute and could not wfh.
He drives classic sports cars a lot and yes he is very good at driving, however driving his normal everyday car he often breaks the speed limit.
I have repeatedly, and I mean repeatedly asked him nicely, not so nicely and eventually shouted and told him to pull over because I don’t feel comfortable on the long drives we have to do with him driving fast. This has happened dozens of times. I admit I’m not confident on a motorway but we have agreed a compromise that he doesn’t go over 70 as it’s the national speed limit and there for a reason. It’s not just about him it’s other lives on the road.
He now has 9 points on his license. I have again approached him with my concern about this but he nods and says he understands and will watch his speed but he doesn’t. I’ve said that I don’t feel he has learnt from the speed awareness courses or the fine he can well afford. I feel like he thinks is he’s above the law and that really concerns me. He just politely dismisses me.
That and the fact that it’s the only thing I have raised my voice over repeatedly and I’m his wife and he continues to push it and ignore my ask.
Hes just taken my daughter somewhere and the very last thing I said on the drive was “ please drive under 70 and stay safe you have xxx in the car”
DD is autistic and doesnt like cars at the best of times but she has just sent me a screen shot of the speedometer at 78
Im so angry with him.
He slowed down now and they have arrived but AIBU to be fuming?
I am so upset that he has completely ignored me and basically lied also. Does everyone really drive at 80 because lots of cars do pass us on the motorway when we are at 70 and perhaps I’m being unreasonable I’d be interested. Thanks MN

OP posts:
Fizbosshoes · 18/07/2025 19:09

I'd say 78 mph if it was on a motorway in good weather, would necessarily be a deal breaker, but I think in the context of having 9 points on the licence already I'd expect more attention to sticking to speed limits.
Fwiw I don't mean it's OK to speed if you didn't have points, but I think a lot of people do, go at 70-80mph on a motorway

DurinsBane · 18/07/2025 19:04

Darragon · 18/07/2025 18:28

Does everyone really drive at 80 because lots of cars do pass us on the motorway when we are at 70 and perhaps I’m being unreasonable I’d be interested.
No it's just a bunch of idiots. When people are going at the same speed as you then you won't see as many of them because by definition you'll keep the same distance between you but I believe the majority of road users drive at or below 70 on dual carriageways and motorways.
YANBU to expect your DH to drive safely when you've asked him so many times. What's wrong with him? Why can't he just follow the law like everyone else?
(And yes I'm annoyed because he sounds like one of the many twits on the road who tootle down it at stupid speeds and make it dangerous when those of us going at the correct speed pull out to overtake and two seconds later someone's trying to drive over us from behind). Please at least tell me he doesn't tailgate other drivers when they're overtaking.

I would say the majority go over 70. If I’m doing 70 I reckon more than half of the other cars are over taking me

saltinesandcoffeecups · 18/07/2025 19:00

I think the more you push him the more obstinate he will/has become. He’s a grown up and will have to figure something out if he loses his license.

To that end you and your DD need to learn the valuable lesson about having agency over who you get in a car with. I don’t love the dynamic of her texting you the speed

Aligirlbear · 18/07/2025 18:54

9 points on his licence is the issue you need to be concerned about, as indeed does he as the next speeding fine will result in the loss of his licence. Doing 78 on the motorway less so and wouldn’t be the issue I would get mad at him for.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 18/07/2025 18:51

So he doesn't take dd again. And you never get in the car with him either.

Moveoverdarlin · 18/07/2025 18:50

If he’s on 9 points now and continues to drive over the speed limit, he’ll be banned in no time. Saying that, doing 78 on a motorway is absolutely nothing to get your knickers in a twist about.

StrawberrySquash · 18/07/2025 18:44

frozendaisy · 18/07/2025 18:29

He’ll lise his licence soon and the insurance when he gets it back will be high
Perhaps that’s the only way he will learn

I would fucking hit the roof if H had. 9 pints on his licence - just more money for what?

9 pints is a particularly unfortunate typo here!

But OP, yes I'd be mad about the 9 points and expecting my partner to be super careful. Clearly there's an issue if he has 9 pints and he has to accept that. The 78 alone wouldn't be a deal breaker, but in the wider context of his speeding I'd be unimpressed. Although it's probably not the specific battle I'd pick.

Minecroft · 18/07/2025 18:38

Refuse to get in the car with him or let your child in the car with him. When he loses
his licence, refuse to give him lifts.

BreadInCaptivity · 18/07/2025 18:35

The speed limit is a figure set many years ago when car technology was very different.

My personal POV is that I follow the limit religiously in low speed areas (20/30/40 mph zones) as they are generally there in built up areas/schools/specific road hazards.

On the motorway not so much. But that’s condition specific - I’d go slower in poor weather or very heavy traffic.

Yes I risk points but that’s on me. A competent driver going 80/5mph (even 90 - but I can already see the clutching of pearls) on a motorway in good weather, in a well maintained car and moderate traffic isn’t unsafe.

That said if that’s upsetting your passenger(s) whilst not unsafe doesn’t mean you’re not being a bit of a dick.

ginasevern · 18/07/2025 18:33

Is this on all roads as well as the motorway? Does he break the speed limit in residential areas etc too?

ZoggyStirdust · 18/07/2025 18:30

9’points is bad and you’re right to be pissed off about that.

however 78 on the speedo on a motorway is probably really not much over 70 (speedos always over read and can be up to 10%) and honestly is just keeping up with traffic and not necessarily dangerous.

pick your arguments. 9 points is one, 78 probably isnt

frozendaisy · 18/07/2025 18:29

He’ll lise his licence soon and the insurance when he gets it back will be high
Perhaps that’s the only way he will learn

I would fucking hit the roof if H had. 9 pints on his licence - just more money for what?

Darragon · 18/07/2025 18:28

Does everyone really drive at 80 because lots of cars do pass us on the motorway when we are at 70 and perhaps I’m being unreasonable I’d be interested.
No it's just a bunch of idiots. When people are going at the same speed as you then you won't see as many of them because by definition you'll keep the same distance between you but I believe the majority of road users drive at or below 70 on dual carriageways and motorways.
YANBU to expect your DH to drive safely when you've asked him so many times. What's wrong with him? Why can't he just follow the law like everyone else?
(And yes I'm annoyed because he sounds like one of the many twits on the road who tootle down it at stupid speeds and make it dangerous when those of us going at the correct speed pull out to overtake and two seconds later someone's trying to drive over us from behind). Please at least tell me he doesn't tailgate other drivers when they're overtaking.

Mumblechum0 · 18/07/2025 18:27

Well 9 points on his licence is only going to go one way when he gets caught next time. You’d think he’d have enough sense to stick to the limit to avoid the hassle of a ban.

having said that, I don’t think 78 on a motorway is that big a deal if there’s little traffic, good weather AND you have a clean license

Dangermoo · 18/07/2025 18:25

He's an irresponsible prick. End of.