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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fed up of my boring partner?

187 replies

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:42

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 18/07/2025 19:13

Not spending time with his child and giving his child life experiences is a real fault. He needs to take his child to the library and the park.

Preferring the gym and tv as leisure activities doesn’t make him boring. He just has different preferences to yours.

TheLemonLemur · 18/07/2025 19:10

Although you weren't in a couple long before being parents you knew him for a long time before was he always like this? Could he be depressed? It sounds a lot of excuses I don't drink and am forever on diets I had dinner out tonight and go to pub regularly there's no reason he couldn't do those things

Alltheyellowbirds · 18/07/2025 19:10

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

Agree with all of this. A lot of it sounds like excuses for not going out at all. He might prefer that, but its miserable for you and absolutely rubbish for your child, and frankly not good enough.

Persistpercy · 18/07/2025 19:10

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Persistpercy · 18/07/2025 19:09

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Praying4Peace · 18/07/2025 19:07

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:19

He has never been abroad and has no interest in going, if we were to go it would mean having to book well ahead and save up the money but he's not bothered at all.

We haven't been out as a couple just the two of us since July last year.

Yes, I can understand why you feel bored and frustrated but please be careful what you wish for.
I'm not underestimating how you feel but I think an open and honest conversation is required.
Small steps.
Hopefully this stands a chance.
Take care OP

DurinsBane · 18/07/2025 19:06

Not drinking doesn’t mean that pubs and clubs are out of the equation. I often drive if I go to the pub during to location, I drink alcohol free drinks or soft drinks

VehicleTracker77 · 18/07/2025 19:04

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ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 18:44

Plantlady10 · 18/07/2025 18:40

I agree most of his reasons are excuses - especially with not wanting to do anything child related. I'm sure most of us don't enjoy every aspect of 'child socialising' but we do it for our children. Sounds like he's checked out of parenting because he knows you'll do it

Agree with this, he knows OP will pick up the shortfall. And OP, your DD is old enough now to be learning that her dad doesn’t care about her enough to put himself out to do so much as build a sandcastle with her at the beach, or listen to her jabber about her favourite book at the library. Even if your relationship is dead in the water and you want to make steps towards leaving (which I know isn’t easy and has many moving parts), you need to frankly ask him if that’s the sort of dad he wants to be and the memories he wants his daughter to have.

ETA: what is his own parents’ relationship like, and how was his childhood? Is he modelling himself on his childhood experiences, and can buck up his ideas once he realises he’s failing, or is he a total lost cause?

Swampdonkey123 · 18/07/2025 18:40

It really doesn’t sound like you are getting anything out of this relationship. What is keeping you with him?

Plantlady10 · 18/07/2025 18:40

I agree most of his reasons are excuses - especially with not wanting to do anything child related. I'm sure most of us don't enjoy every aspect of 'child socialising' but we do it for our children. Sounds like he's checked out of parenting because he knows you'll do it

DoubleBoubles · 18/07/2025 18:36

Are you married op or do you own a house together? Will it be relatively straightforward to leave him asap or will it take a bit of time?

Regardless you need to leave him, he won’t get any better, be happy with your dd and friends

Ontobetterthings · 18/07/2025 18:34

Why does he not want to go abroad? He does sound really boring!

SleepQuest33 · 18/07/2025 18:32

Sounds like you together by default/accident. Did you fancy him all those years you knew him as a friend?

coukd he be a bit depressed? I know that can really affect our desire to do anything!

I think you have 3 choices:
1- if you really care about him and want to save the situation, talk to him calmly about how you are feeling and see what you can do to motivate him.

2- accept the situation and just co parent in the same house but living separate lives

3- accept there is no way forward and leave

which one does your gut feel is the right one?

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 18/07/2025 18:28

What's the point in this non-relationship? Are you dependent him for housing or finances?
If not, go and enjoy life and co-parent your child.
The only reason to have a boyfriend is for your life to be enhanced, easier, and fun. That's the whole point. This bloke has failed.

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:19

He has never been abroad and has no interest in going, if we were to go it would mean having to book well ahead and save up the money but he's not bothered at all.

We haven't been out as a couple just the two of us since July last year.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 18/07/2025 18:18

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

Sorry to derail a bit but I'm not a superman fan but I actually ended up enjoying the new movie. Hopefully you'll be the same. OP you need to tell him that you're not living the rest of your life doing nothing as a couple of as a family. So he needs to step up his game or be ready for the inevitable divorce because the resentment is just going to keep festering year on year

jeaux90 · 18/07/2025 18:12

OP look his lazy parenting and not going out anywhere is modelling bad relationships etc for your DC

I would use this situation as an ultimatum that things have to change. If they don’t you need to make sure you can follow through.

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:09

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I've known him for about 18 years, first as an acquaintance then as closer friends over the years, we used to text/chat on the phone mostly & meet at the pub occasionally.

OP posts:
ThatLoudBear · 18/07/2025 18:09

Genuinely, why are you still with him?

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:06

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He works full time (9-5 job) he's not a high earner and neither am I so we don't have a ton of money floating about but I think that's just all the more reason to spend our money wisely on planning & enjoying doing something once in a while.
He doesn't have alot of friends, he spends his free time going to the gym or watching the TV or his phone. He used to play a sport but cut down on that over the years and now doesn't do it.

OP posts:
tumblingdowntherabbithole · 18/07/2025 18:03

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:49

I dont regret my DD but i certainly wouldn't have had children with him if I'd known more what he was like. I fell pregnant unexpectedly after the first time I slept with him. Yes cliché I know.

That doesn't explain why you're still together seven years down the line, though.

Persistpercy · 18/07/2025 17:59

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Sharptonguedwoman · 18/07/2025 17:58

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

How does that help?

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:57

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

It's true I won't argue, but as I said i don't regret my DD, I had fertility issues with an ex and honestly never thought I'd conceive again. And I was on the pill so a pregnancy was absolutely not expected.

But yes it was careless.

OP posts: