To be fed up of my boring partner?

He sounds depressed, that’s not normal

Have some grace … “ there but for the grace of god go I “ my grandmother(read in an Irish accent ) had a great saying “ there’s none more pious than a reformed hoor”

@zanahoria I agree!

Their poor dd. 😔

"He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask"

Not sure how you can stop someone being boring but this goes a bit beyond being boring, he is not being a very good father

That sounds exceedingly dull and stifling.

Have you actually sat down and talked to him about it?

Doesn't he care that his child will observe that he's not bothered about going on days out or to sociable things with her? 😔

Doesn't he care that he's not suggested an outing for the two of you in the past year?! 😔

Is he depressed?? If he is, he needs to go to the GP and get help.

If he's just a homebody fair enough BUT he has a partner and a child, so he can't live like a boring hermit without it affecting his loved ones. He's being selfish. He's not even doing a teeny tiny bit of thinking of his family is he.

Do you think he would be open to some sessions of couple's counselling?

It’s unlikely he’s going to magically transform into a different person so you either accept him as he is or leave him I’m afraid.

Being with someone like that can make you feel more lonely than actually being alone. At least if you were a single parent you could plan things to do with the kids or night out with the girls. My exDH was totally not interested in doing anything remotely family orientated, like trips to the beach, walks in the park, cycle rides, museum visits etc. I honestly felt like a single parent.
That, on top of other things was the reason we split.
Far happier now.

My first thought is that he might be depressed or maybe have a physical medical problem. Maybe a visit to the doctor before you start talking about making changes?

I can understand the pub thing-even younger ones don't do the pub and club thing as much now-and a lot of us over thirties would feel weird doing it now (no shade on anyone who likes it!), and even the meal-if I was trying to be healthy, I wouldn't want my partner pushing me to do this, but that doesn't mean you should do nothing. I'd try to have a deep, honest chat (can your kid go to a grandparent's so you can really focus), and tell him you're worried. Is he depressed? Sick (some people get like this due to hormone issues)? Concerned about money? Say you really love him and don't want to break up your daughter's home, but that you want to do some things. Have a list of suggestions-join a family fit club, if he wants to be healthy? Padel at the park? Family walking of a friend's dog at different places? Cooking course together? Family martial arts? You know what you might fancy and what's available free/cheaply/whatever suits your income, which is none of anyone's business, in your area. Ask if he feels he needs to see a doctor, or counsellor.

Surely he was like this before you got married?? The signs are usually there! It sounds like you’re wanting an outgoing, social active, fun partner…so why on earth did you marry him? It’s very unlikely he was all these things and then suddenly changed in seven years to the complete opposite???

I don't think you're being unreasonable.
I've been with my boyfriend 5 years, he's pretty much the same.
We've been to two comedy events, and that's it. And that's only because I got the tickets.
We literally just watch TV, and it's always what he puts on.
He works hard, I understand that, but I don't feel like we're a normal couple at all, and it's at the point I'm questioning whether he's just embarrassed to be seen with me.

From what you’ve said he sounds selfish. He thinks of no one else, only what he wants to do personally, he hasn’t stepped up to having a family. Zero quality time spent with his child or family. Does he take care of DD, does he have any redeeming features at all? Explain to him that the lack of quality family time and plans together is a deal breaker and that life is too short to live like this. You’ll become depressed yourself living like this. Could he be seeing someone else and he’s hoping you’ll dump him?

Not remotely.

Did you get together or were you friends that shagged and got pregnant? If so are you basically friends with a kid? Has there ever been a romance?

It seems quite obvious you dont like him, let along love him. So why stay together?

Judgey and rude!

Depression and anxiety are what spring to my mind OP. A lot of men get PND. Men don't talk about their feelings.
Another thing that popped into my head was that he might have used alcohol in the past as a social crutch to navigate all those social situations before you had your DC. I personally found it really hard when pregnant not being able to drink. I realised my whole adult life I had been using alcohol to get through situations where I was feeling really socially anxious. Obviously that was a recipe for disaster sometimes As you can imagine.

Another thought I had is that if your DP is overweight like you say he may be struggling with his self esteem. I say this as someone who has been overweight and felt like I didn't want to go anywhere.
You really need to have a proper heart to heart with him and get to the crux of the problem and tell him exactly how you feel. If you've been putting up with it all this time he probably thinks he can just carry on as he is.
All these things said, when I've been struggling in the past I've still managed to do everything for my kids. What is he like around the house? Is he pulling he weight with other things?

OP, I had a partner like this. He had a personality transplant when we had DD. He refused to go anywhere. If he did he sulked and refused to talk so we’d end up going back home as it was just awful.

He stopped drinking and frowned on me if I fancied a drink. No holidays - he didn’t see the point. No meet ups with friends. Just sitting on the sofa watching the tv or playing on his phone.

He never did anything around the house. He never put DD to bed. Never read her a story. It was horrendous. It got worse and worse.

He wouldn’t speak to me for days on end - he’d answer a question but offer zero conversation. He would speak to anyone who came to the house completely normally and then revert to type once they’d gone. He wasn’t depressed. He was just miserable and refusing to engage with me.

I asked him to leave when DD was 3 and he hadn’t spoken to me for 6 weeks. There was no way I wanted my life to be spent tip toeing around a sulky man and I didn’t want DD to think it was normal behaviour.

He dragged his heels but finally left after 3 days. I breathed a sigh of relief. He took his black cloud with him and I now have a happy, sociable home with DD.

I’d cut your losses. Go and live your life. Don’t waste any more time on him.

TV is not a hobby . He sounds depressed and very depressing to be around . Other than a man who is mean with money , I can't think of anything worse than a boring one . If not for you , do it for your daughter . The initial shake up will be disruptive but the lifting of him as a burden will be so exhilarating. And you are young enough still to have a relationship if you want one. But if you still do have feelings for him then I think he deserves to know how you feel about it and be given the chance to try to make an effort to change . It is an ultimatum and his response will tell you which way to go .

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him OP. Explain he is failing his child as a father and also that you are not willing to spend the rest of your life like this. See if he wishes to try to change his ways and if not discuss how to separate. Perhaps when he realises what is at risk he will make more of an effort. If not, at least you did everything you could.

^^ 100% this - not spending quality time with his family is one thing

having different leisure activities is a total none issue

The not wanting to go abroad and having no interest in it would be the deal breaker for me.

I don’t blame you at all for feeling this way, OP! He needs a serious boot up the backside.
Just to play devil’s advocate though, how is his mental health? Any chance he could be depressed? He certainly seems to be shutting himself away from the world.

My ex partners was like this. We were together for 7.5 long years. Despite all of his promises, he never changed. Looking back i should have never asked him to, we are all different. He just liked to sit at home and watch tv weekend in and weekend out. Thats all ge ever did apart from go to work. It really is no life for me.

Disagree with the last part. Bet poor DD finds it very boring indeed that her Dad chooses to sit at home watching TV rather than go with them to the park or the library or the beach, and I bet she finds it pretty boring that they never go on holiday, or to the pub for Sunday lunch. And I bet she’s going to find it even more boring the older she gets.

If he was single and child-free, then fine. He’s not.