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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of my boring partner?

187 replies

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:42

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

OP posts:
IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 19/07/2025 08:29

shuggles · 19/07/2025 00:10

@Username0900 Most men, that age and older, are boring. That's the consequence of being used as society's punchbag for decades; you don't want to socialise anymore and you simply isolate yourself from everyone else.

The solution here may be to socialise with your own friends. Is that an option? Your friends can be for friendship, and your partner's role can be someone to build your life with.

A very strong smell of bitterness and incel vibes here!

purplehair1 · 19/07/2025 07:55

I was going to suggest exercising together- especially as he’s overweight but I see he goes to the gym. Fun run? Park run? Something you could do with your six year old? Half marathon? I did one with my ex and it was kind of bonding having a shared goal.

beAsensible1 · 19/07/2025 07:47

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:49

I dont regret my DD but i certainly wouldn't have had children with him if I'd known more what he was like. I fell pregnant unexpectedly after the first time I slept with him. Yes cliché I know.

You don’t have to be with him just because you got pregnant you know?

Youlookgorge · 19/07/2025 07:45

I just cannot understand why he doesn't want ro take DD to do nice family things- like petting farm, beach, soft play, swimming, whatever activities she is into, do you take her by herself and he just stays at home?

And have a nice meal out once a month with you? Maybe somewhere more on the healthy end.

We aren't going on holidays abroad as have 2 under 3 and don't fancy the journeys, and are doing up two houses so can't be away too long and monies are going elsewhere

I don't really sees what he brings to this relationship in all honesty. He doesn't earn much so he is not even providing that well.

Are you married? If not I would ask him to leave and start creating a new life for you and DD

Alltheyellowbirds · 19/07/2025 07:39

shuggles · 19/07/2025 00:10

@Username0900 Most men, that age and older, are boring. That's the consequence of being used as society's punchbag for decades; you don't want to socialise anymore and you simply isolate yourself from everyone else.

The solution here may be to socialise with your own friends. Is that an option? Your friends can be for friendship, and your partner's role can be someone to build your life with.

Eh? No they’re not. I don’t know one man who’s like that. Not my friends, my brother, my dad, my colleagues or any of my exes… They all spend time with their partners and children, they go on holidays, have hobbies, have friends. I think you know the wrong men!

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 19/07/2025 07:15

Dunno why you're together tbh, given you weren't in a relationship when you got pregnant. The answer is, no, you don't have to stay together. Just leave. Or ask him to leave. Who wants to be with a boring, sulky man. Doesn't sound like either of you are happy.

Pricelessadvice · 19/07/2025 07:13

Why are you still with him?
Do you want this to be the rest of your life?

Figgygal · 19/07/2025 04:53

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:19

He has never been abroad and has no interest in going, if we were to go it would mean having to book well ahead and save up the money but he's not bothered at all.

We haven't been out as a couple just the two of us since July last year.

That would be it for me never been abroad????? No interest in the world around him - what a non life

Split for your own sake and enjoy your daughter

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 01:23

You don't have to endure it forever. You know the answer.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 19/07/2025 01:20

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Oh do fuck off. DD turned up 10 months into our relationship despite both condoms and the pill. Contraception fails sometimes.

SnowFrogJelly · 19/07/2025 00:35

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

Not when the film is rubbish!

polltyr54 · 19/07/2025 00:34

life is like an ice cream enjoy it before it melts

HedgehogOnTheBike · 19/07/2025 00:28

Are you good friends?
Can you find common interest, I don't know, folk dancing? Good exercise, fun, meet friends. Or go carting, I don't know, the point is do it together.
Also do you even fancy him?

Olderkids · 19/07/2025 00:24

My husband isn’t quite as bad as yours - we usually get a holiday (organised by me) and meet up with friends maybe 4 times a year for a meal. But he is scared stiff of spending money so we don’t do anything fun. He doesn’t need o worry about money, just loves to see savings building up. I am 71 now, I would recommend you get a new life while still young enough.

researchers3 · 19/07/2025 00:20

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Helpful!

adviceneeded1990 · 19/07/2025 00:16

I left an ex for this and never regretted it for a second. No children together though so an easier decision than yours. All he wanted to do was work, nap and watch TV and I could feel myself slowly dying inside. My now-DH and I aren’t party animals or anything but we go for walks, meals, coffee, bingo, cinema, bowling, and occasionally a bigger thing like an escape room or a lodge for the night. I couldn’t be with someone so disengaged with his one precious life and I’d worry that your DC will see his lethargy as normal.

MrsBears · 19/07/2025 00:12

This sounds exactly like my husband and our relationship. I've weighed up the pros and cons if we separated. The pros slightly outweigh the cons to stay. Our two kids are teenagers now and are very happy (their happiness comes first) and I enjoy the three of us going out (it no longer bothers me if I look like a single mum). I have 8 years left on our mortgage (love my home right now) plus my partner pays for our annual overseas holiday ( where I still book sightseeing tours without him). Your partner is not a bad person but boring, this also can be described as homely, reliable, dependable and predictable - trates i would still look for in a partner if starting again, just would add 'fun' to the list 😊

shuggles · 19/07/2025 00:10

@Username0900 Most men, that age and older, are boring. That's the consequence of being used as society's punchbag for decades; you don't want to socialise anymore and you simply isolate yourself from everyone else.

The solution here may be to socialise with your own friends. Is that an option? Your friends can be for friendship, and your partner's role can be someone to build your life with.

Daygloboo · 19/07/2025 00:06

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:42

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

If he is yoyo dieting maybe he is depressed. I think you need to sit down with him and explain you are unhappy and that if he doesn't pull his finger out you'll leave. Get him to explain why he behaves as he does..I was in a very similar situation. I warned.my husband that I was unhappy. He didn't change. But he wouldn't break up with me either. I felt bad and wondered if he just couldnt help it. In the end I left......and he met someone else and had 3 kids with her within about 7 years..I think some people are just very lacking in motivation.

Rabbitsockpeony · 18/07/2025 23:45

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:19

He has never been abroad and has no interest in going, if we were to go it would mean having to book well ahead and save up the money but he's not bothered at all.

We haven't been out as a couple just the two of us since July last year.

This is shocking. This man’s world is pathetically small.

Don’t let him do the same to yours. Leave.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/07/2025 23:33

@TheSilentSister I agree - it’s like all the downsides of marriage which can get a bit Groundhog Day for anyone- but none of the upsides of family/couple dynamic like trips out, meals out, holidays, etc -

novocaine4thesoul · 18/07/2025 23:23

You get one life. And within reason, if it's not suiting you, you need to change it, and do it sooner rather than later. It sounds like you would be happier with you and your DC doing different things alone or with others than have someone constantly put the blockers on anything or everything suggested. Just because your partner has got some qualities (and we get some horrors on here with no redeeming attributes) that does not mean that you cannot "outgrow" a relationship, and want different things - you need to think about how to call it a day - fairly, with consideration to all involved. It's so hard to rock the boat when things are OK, but boring, but if the chats do not work (and it is worth having them), it sounds like you have really tried to make it work - please take action. I think this is a harder situation that many face, because it is SO easy to do nothing, but from a whole-life-pov, it is so necessary. Wishing you strength xx

AutumnFog · 18/07/2025 23:21

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Are you just having a bad day? If not and you generally go around being nasty and trying to make people feel bad then try to reflect on it..
It won't make you happy in the long run, and people will pick up on it and dislike you.

GentlemanJay · 18/07/2025 23:15

I was married to someone like that. Not interested in doing anything. I divorced her.

FairKoala · 18/07/2025 23:15

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:06

He works full time (9-5 job) he's not a high earner and neither am I so we don't have a ton of money floating about but I think that's just all the more reason to spend our money wisely on planning & enjoying doing something once in a while.
He doesn't have alot of friends, he spends his free time going to the gym or watching the TV or his phone. He used to play a sport but cut down on that over the years and now doesn't do it.

Show quote history

He is always on a diet so he can’t eat out, he goes to the gym

But he is still overweight

He doesn’t actually want to do anything and if he did lose some weight his excuses wouldn’t hold water so he constantly undermines everything

Believe me when I say you need to go your separate ways
As you say you have one life live it well.