To be fed up of my boring partner?

@AtBeaverGoat i agree - unless you play sport or go down the pub a lot - I know an awful lot of men who really don’t bother with friendships and become somewhat vp dependent on partners

Maybe you should try taking to some actual men rather then the internet or articles designed to sell newspapers
or maybe you are the kind of person who believes that all women are shallow and only want to date the top 5% 6 ft, 6 pack , 6 inch etc etc men

You need to sit with your DP and work on a plan to get non negotiable date nights into the calendar.

DP and I have massively different interests etc, but we compromise and we take turns doing things we want to do. We have one night a month for date night which cannot be cancelled etc (unless we are sick, emergency etc, then it simply gets moved to the next available date).

I let him pick one month what we should do, then I pick the next month. £100 budget set aside for activity and a quick dinner etc. Do I like everything he wants to do and vice versa? No, but we compromise because we like spending time with one another.

He also needs to do one family activity per month as a family with me and DS which could be farm, zoo, picnic, beach day etc.

For me, if my DP refused to accommodate this, I wouldn't be able to stay in the relationship.

All the many men I know, aged 35-50, have lots of friends and interests. Any articles (though I’ve never read any) about men not having friends will, of course, be focusing on men with no friends. Likewise, women complaining on MN that their partner has no friends will be a self-selecting bias. People with nothing to complain about aren’t complaining, and men who have friends aren’t the subject of articles about lack of friends.

I’ve never read an article like that.

And in real life, regarding wives and partners complaining, I only know ones who complain that their partner spends too much time out with his friends! None complaining that he doesn’t have any.

You haven’t answered as to whether you are a man or a woman, it would be helpful to know which perspective you’re coming from with these comments.

OK, so all of the articles and commentators noting the huge number of men that don't have any friends, apart from their partner, just made it up?

And the women on mumsnet, the Guardian, etc. bemoaning the fact that their partner doesn't have any friends, are they just making it up too?

You need to get outside and meet some actual men if you think that

Again, who are the men you know? All of the men I know have friends and I’m nearly fifty.

And I’ve never heard a woman complain about being her partner’s only friend.

You have some really negative views of men over a certain age - first saying they’re boring and now that they have no friends. I can’t work out if you’re a woman who’s surrounded by rubbish men, or if you’re a man who is quite unhappy with himself. Either way I’m sorry, and I hope things get better.

In general, men over the age of 30 do not have male friends. Hence why so many women complain about being their partner's only friend.

@IDespairOfTheHumanRace A very strong smell of bitterness and incel vibes here!

Weird comment. Nothing I said had anything to do with incels.

I couldn't put up with this. Having different interests is one thing, doing nothing but watch TV all day is another.
There's the whole world out there to explore. Who wants to spend it with a couch potato?
Oh also, men don't have to be like this as they get older. DH is older and we do tons together and with the DC: travel, go to the theatre or art exhibitions, go out for dinner, walks etc.

But it’s true. Having a baby with someone you hardly know is a recipe for disaster. If you’re unhappy then it’s time to split but it’s hardly surprising.

Àre you sure he goes to the gym and isn't having an affair. Especially if he goes to the gym and doesn't seem to lose weight or change shape.

This is not an age thing or a man thing, it is a him thing.

What exactly are his plans for the rest of his life? To rot in front of the TV for thr next 40 years.

Oh pack it in, that's unhelpful and you know it. Did you have a bad night's sleep or are you always just a judgemental sausage?!

To the OP.....I don't drink but don't mind the occasional pub visit, must admit it is slightly jarring being around drunk people after a certain point though.

If you want to stay with him I'd suggest some therapy? Quite often where people have kids without planning to there is a mismatch on values and outlooks. You need to work out if you're compatible longer term, and maybe your DP doesn't realise quite how miserable you are. It sounds awful tbf.

Great reply.

You know you need to break this off OP. You say you are 40 and have known him 18 years. I assume he is roughly the same age? And he is already a miserable grumpy curmudgeon. Men don't usually get like this til at least 55!

Seriously though, you need to leave for the sake of your daughter too. She doesn't want to see her mum miserable and blue, living a half life because of her tedious boring mood-hoover of a father.

I know it wasn't ideal conceiving when you did (so early on in the relationship,) but I'm so pleased that you got a lovely little daughter, after some years of struggling to conceive. Look after yourself and your little girl 😘

Do you feel better. Being a judgemental twat isn’t something to be happy about.
It’s rather embarrassing.

You don’t have to drink alcohol to enjoy socialising and going to a pub. He sounds very dull.

However, you write as though you are totally dependent on him for your social life. Do you not have friends you can go out with? On holiday with? You could go away with DC and have a great time.

Something is keeping you tied to this man. If it’s lack of confidence, you need to build that up by branching out and demonstrating that you really don’t need him.

TBH He sounds a little depressed.I think maybe if he isnt willing to seek help then you have to cut your losses really.If a day out to the seaside is too ardous for him,then its no life for you and DC.Maybe say to him that you want things to change

The whole picture needs to be looked at. Usually it is not one person dramatically changing but a gradual evolution of both people and the relationship in a negative spiral. That’s why once they are in a different relationship they are completely different.

how is your intimate life? Did you criticise his early attempts at parenting? Were there constant ‘correcting’ of his domestic contributions early on in the relationship.

I see it all the time. Then of course due to the frequent criticism and nitpicking his reluctance and disconnection grows then the intimacy wanes even further because no woman wants to have sex with a man she feels isn’t pulling his weight and the spiral continues.

if you honestly look at the situation has there been a downward spiral due to both people feeling resentment and criticism that has caused further spiralling until it has got to this point?

What’s the point of this? Someone comes asking for advice and all you can do is criticise her. Are you always this unpleasant?

What do you say to him when you are going to do something without him & he complains he’s never invited? And do you feel you have to ask his permission to do stuff on your own?

I feel your frustration !

We enjoyed being in a park yesterday
Parents walking with their young children on bicycles (learning to cycle)
Parents feeding the ducks & fish with their children
Families sitting at cafes having icecream & drinks
Families at the outside gyms & children's play areas
We listened to the buskers playing music
People exercising, relaxing
This is all normal behaviour
It was a lovely day

His actions show that he has no interest in you or your child

How will your child learn if they have no interaction with other people or places ?

I would do a test
Give him 3 more opportunities to do something normal together with your child outside the home.
If he gives you 3 NOs
The answer is that you split & build a better life for you & your child.

Life is too short to be miserable

Your life would be better on your own !

Good luck