Page 2 | To be fed up of my boring partner?

Username0900 · 2025-07-18T16:42:46+00:00

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is?? I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little. My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event. We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together. I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

WhichCity2visit · 20/07/2025 19:14

Some pubs have play apparatus in their gardens for children

Pubs for quiz nights

Pubs for live music

Pubs for other club meet ups, find on local Facebook or library

Pubs sell alcohol free beer, cider, wine, even guiness

Do a charity walk together, include your child

Go swimming together

So many things

Yes, I do know people that have no or few friends

People need to make an effort to get out of their comfort zone & do or go somewhere different

Mugsey62 · 20/07/2025 17:35

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Ouch! Just as well you aren't a judgemental type of person.

T1Dmama · 20/07/2025 14:59

Depending on that… I’d either tell him it’s not working and you’re moving out:want him to move out… if he moved in with you and the house is in your name just ask him to leave…. Your relationship seems miserable, you’re only together because it felt like the ‘right thing to do’ because you had a baby…. Maybe you’ll both be happier apart!!
When me and my ex split I was so torn because of our DD…. But she has since said several times that she wishes if kicked him out years ago! She could see his blatant lack of interest in her/me!

T1Dmama · 20/07/2025 14:55

@Username0900 are you in a position where you could leave ? Is the house yours or his? Rented or buying?

shuggles · 20/07/2025 14:26

@Skittles123456 Don’t make generalisations based on your own experience.

That's what I'm saying to you.

99bottlesofkombucha · 20/07/2025 12:55

I think you should make a last ditch effort to get him to parent- without you. ‘Hey I’m going to be late Tuesday so you need to collect dd, feed her dinner and put her to bed.’
‘Saturday you need to take dd to the park, about 10am is good probably. You need to spend more time with her and this is a good start.’

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:52

Might help someone else not make the same choices. So fed up of women getting together with awful men, having children with them and then complaining their man is still awful.

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 12:44

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:25

You don’t get to control what others post @Missj25 🙄

Yeah , that’s true , I apologise for saying “ don’t talk “ ..
Your comment wasn’t helpful though …

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:25

You don’t get to control what others post @Missj25 🙄

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 12:04

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

I think this is really good advice OP …

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 11:59

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Hope you have a good view there sitting up on that high horse of yours 🙄…
If you haven’t anything nice or helpful to say , don’t talk !

RabbitsRock · 20/07/2025 06:54

DH is early 60s & has no friends - it bothers me way more than it does him. He rarely socialises with my friends either.

Skittles123456 · 20/07/2025 06:40

shuggles · 19/07/2025 12:49

In general, men over the age of 30 do not have male friends. Hence why so many women complain about being their partner's only friend.

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I don’t know any men over 30 who don’t have friends. My dad’s in his 70s and regularly meets friends. Don’t make generalisations based on your own experience.

Penelopeandherpitstop · 20/07/2025 03:41

Username0900 · 20/07/2025 01:14

Trying to catch up on messages.
To those who mention depression, I wouldn't be surprised but I wouldn't say this is a recent change more so something that's gradually gotten worse through circumstances.

I won't go into the details of it all but obviously I fell pregnant & we didnt get together until near the end of my pregnancy so there were no dates, no pre kids sex life etc, we started a relationship with a newborn and it was hard. On top of that there was covid and all the stuff that went on with that over the years. I had a good group of friends who had children at similar time to me and I actually began to socialise more because after covid you really had to appreciate the little things. For my DP his sport hobby changed after covid and eventually it stopped and he never joined another team, aside from the gym that was his main social thing he did, he didnt seem fussed though. At first we did things, definitely not as often as I would have if completely down to me but we did the odd seaside trip or he'd come to the park if I badgered him. Then there were more excuses like it was a waste of petrol to go to the seaside & spend money there, or he'd conveniently be at the gym sat/sun when I'd take DD to the park so he'd never have to go.

And I always asked him if he wanted to go somewhere, it was only when he said no that I'd invite friends instead. Then eventually I realised I'd stopped asking him anymore because he never said yes.

That sounds like a very difficult start to the relationship, OP, without all the fun feelings of a new relationship, and also the important relationship foundations couples build together when they begin a relationship more deliberately.

It doesn't sound like he's a willing and enthusiastic partner or dad, which isn't so surprising if the pregnancy, and subsequent relationship, were unexpected and, for him, possibly unwanted. He may be depressed about how his life has turned out if this wasn't what he actually wanted. But he is responsible for his life actions and decisions, including the unplanned ones. It sounds like he essentially avoids all the things that involve family life and a relationship with you. A partner who is with you only out of obligation isn't a good life. Which is horrible, and he's not at all being a good partner or dad, but you need to look at this situation clearly and decide if it's worth staying.

How do you and your child benefit from staying with this man? What would your quality of life be like if you separated? Is that feasible? What are your feelings about him and do you want to be in a relationship with him?

Starling7 · 20/07/2025 01:17

He may be struggling with his mental health. Is he open with you? Can talk to each other about mental health? X

Original poster

Username0900 · 20/07/2025 01:14

Trying to catch up on messages.
To those who mention depression, I wouldn't be surprised but I wouldn't say this is a recent change more so something that's gradually gotten worse through circumstances.

I won't go into the details of it all but obviously I fell pregnant & we didnt get together until near the end of my pregnancy so there were no dates, no pre kids sex life etc, we started a relationship with a newborn and it was hard. On top of that there was covid and all the stuff that went on with that over the years. I had a good group of friends who had children at similar time to me and I actually began to socialise more because after covid you really had to appreciate the little things. For my DP his sport hobby changed after covid and eventually it stopped and he never joined another team, aside from the gym that was his main social thing he did, he didnt seem fussed though. At first we did things, definitely not as often as I would have if completely down to me but we did the odd seaside trip or he'd come to the park if I badgered him. Then there were more excuses like it was a waste of petrol to go to the seaside & spend money there, or he'd conveniently be at the gym sat/sun when I'd take DD to the park so he'd never have to go.

And I always asked him if he wanted to go somewhere, it was only when he said no that I'd invite friends instead. Then eventually I realised I'd stopped asking him anymore because he never said yes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Username0900 · 20/07/2025 00:52

Zempy · 19/07/2025 09:13

You don’t have to drink alcohol to enjoy socialising and going to a pub. He sounds very dull.

However, you write as though you are totally dependent on him for your social life. Do you not have friends you can go out with? On holiday with? You could go away with DC and have a great time.

Something is keeping you tied to this man. If it’s lack of confidence, you need to build that up by branching out and demonstrating that you really don’t need him.

I do everything with my friends, I have been on weekends away with a close friend, her partner & child. I go on days out with friends, partially in weekdays (school hols) when he is at work but we also meet weekends & although my group of friends are female often one of the husbands tag along to things when they aren't at work as they want to spend time with their children, I constantly hear about what my friends and partners have been up to socially and it makes me realise how little we do together. The only times he will reluctantly come along is if it is en route to something he needs to go do as we only have 1 car ( he has a work vehicle) and I say I'd rather not come back to go out again.

I spend more time with my friends making memories than with my partner.

OP posts:

Hopingtobeaparent · 19/07/2025 22:49

Firefly100 · 18/07/2025 19:50

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him OP. Explain he is failing his child as a father and also that you are not willing to spend the rest of your life like this. See if he wishes to try to change his ways and if not discuss how to separate. Perhaps when he realises what is at risk he will make more of an effort. If not, at least you did everything you could.

This.

Endorewitch · 19/07/2025 22:38

I think you know the answer.
You have grown totally incompatible.
Maybe it is time to go your separate ways. From what you write he is not a hands on father so any breakup would not have a detrimental impact on your child.
Remember your child will grow up and leave home. What then?

Nikki75 · 19/07/2025 22:32

This would drive me nuts ... you can either stay together and live your own life with your dd and friends or talk to him tell him the truth that life is boring together if no changes I'd have to part .

Franjipanl8r · 19/07/2025 21:22

Just tell him how you feel. Either something changes or you get a divorce. You’ve tried to make the relationship work but he needs to put in effort too. There are no medals for women who stay with men they don’t like.

Franjipanl8r · 19/07/2025 21:22

Just tell him how you feel. Either something changes or you get a divorce. You’ve tried to make the relationship work but he needs to put in effort too. There are no medals for women who stay with men they don’t like.

Alltheyellowbirds · 19/07/2025 21:06

shuggles · 19/07/2025 19:49

It seems alien to me now. To me, having friends seems like something that children and teens do. I wouldn't say I'm more or less happier because I don't have a basis for comparison.

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I hope this doesn’t sound patronising, but that to me is really sad. Friendship isn’t just something for children.

I hope you have family at least.

dayslikethese1 · 19/07/2025 20:48

Being a homebody is one thing but he has a kid so he can't just opt out of parenting. Is he very overweight? I was wondering if he was v insecure about it which would explain the not wanting to see ppl. Or possibly some kind of anxiety or depression as it seems like he's not always been like this. I would suggest talking to him about stepping up with his child if you haven't already and socialising without him (keep up with your own friends and family yourself, don't let him stop you doing that). If you've given him a chance and talked about it and still nothing changes, it's probably not going to work longterm.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/07/2025 20:22

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 19/07/2025 20:20

Utter bollocks! You are clearly very, very bitter about something

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I agree. @shuggles what on earth are you going on about? Men are punching bags? Have you had a bad experience as a man or something?