Beard

As I said upthread, I’m not crazy about my husband’s beard. I’d never use it against him, but it does make snogging somewhat abrasive and we don’t do it for as
long as when he was clean shaven.

My DH has a beard. I hate it

But I do respect his body autonomy so I keep my views to myself

Ha ha, that's nuts. If he wants the beard, he gets the beard. He doesn't get to have sex with someone who doesn't want the beard. The talk of control and coercion is way OTT and dminishes genuine cases of control and coercion. Most married couples are mature enough to be able to have checks and balances, know what each other's hardlines are and work out what matters more to them. And as ever, the male/female flip doesn't work the same both ways. Plenty of husbands want sex more and would compromise on a beard to get it. Plenty of wives are fine to not have it if the beard puts them off or if their short/dyed hair/hairy legs/whatever puts the husband off. Everyone is different of course, but the women who are saying they'd not have sex if their husbands had a beard know their husbands well enough to know they wouldn't be onto the abuse hotline if beard/sex refusal happened.

Refusing sex for any reason you want is absolutely fine.

Using sex to try and control another persons facial hair is not fine.

Nope, that’s not what I said.

Me too. I've never seen DH's naked chin.

I'm not sure it is.
If someone doesn't find something sexy they just don't and shouldn't be expected to have sex if they don't want to.

I'm with you OP. I hate facial furniture on men (or women 😂).

That's coercion ...

If he didn't find hairy legs sexually attractive would you force him to have sex with you?
Because if he doesn't want to do it then that's rape.
You'd have to decide which in life is more of a priority for you.
Hairy legs or a sexual relationship with your husband.

I'm not keen on beards and relieved DH doesn't have one. At the end of the day it's his decision though.

Can’t advise as I hate beards too. But they’re trendy so everyone seems to have one.

My husband has one, but he keeps it clipped very short, so it’s more like stubble. I don’t mind it.

My 25 year old has one. It’s jet black with a solid moustache. I loathe it. He’s so handsome and I feel it spoils him. (I don’t say any of this) All of his mates have beards, so it’s clearly a thing.

I love a man with a beard.

Imagine your husband telling you have to shave your legs 🙄

You can say you don't find him attractive with a beard. It's an honest statement of your feelings.

If it's long enough, can he braid it? Spray a bit of leave in conditioner on it and braid away. It really changes the look of it. You'd be surprised how many guys like this, especially in hot weather.

I think he needs to decide what's more important - his beard or his sex life.
If the OP doesn't want to have sex with him because she doesn't find it attractive - then she is well within her rights to say no.
(And vice versa if she changed something that he didn't find sexually appealing).
A person can have any reason for saying "no" to sex.
No means no and that's that.

"I'm not having sex whilst you have that beard"

Can you see how it's controlling?

Refusing an act the beard directly affects, fine, but saying "I'm not having sex until you lose the beard" is controlling

This seems like a contradiction to me. The beard directly effects pretty much all sexual acts except doggy style and blow jobs, and one rarely/never goes straight to those without some sort of face to face engagement. I guess she could keep her distance/eyes closed and jack him off, but that's still not a viable marital sex life for most couples. In short - the beard directly effects sex acts physically and attraction is a pre-requisite to being up for it anyway, so by your own definition it's fine even if you also deem it controlling.

You could try playing him the episode of Blandings where Lord Emsworth grows a beard and keeps being mistaken for a gentleman of the road.

In addition, changing her hair doesn’t obscure her facial features the way that a beard does with a man. Attractive men tend to know better than to sport a facial shrub but occasionally I’ll see one clean-shaven when he previously wasn’t and be shocked to realize that he’s attractive underneath. Never would have known it with all the nasty hair in the way!

Agree with the others saying it’s a dealbreaker for me. I always have mentioned this early on even though it’s not really an issue with the men I date.

Doesn’t sound like she’s trying to control his choices. She’s saying she finds a beard unattractive. That is her prerogative and if she chooses not to have sex, then that’s down to her. She’s not controlling his choice to have sex. It could be seen the other way round if he insists on her having sex whilst he has a beard - that’s controlling. He is the one who has made a change.

I'm OK with anyone refusing to engage in sexual contact for any reason they choose. I don't think the OP should have to just get over it and do it anyway despite her discomfort just to keep him happy.

A beard would be a deal breaker for me. I can’t stand them, find them deeply unattractive and they are beyond unhygienic! But I’m sure most people will say, his face, his choice etc. But urgh! I definitely wouldn’t be doing anything sexual with a bearded DH (thankfully he hates them too!) He must care whether or not you find him attractive surely?

But dying or cutting her hair doesn't effect him in the same way. Kissing him means shoving his beard in her face. She can't do the most simple act as a couple without going facefirst into it. Whatever colour or length her hair is, he might have a preference but it's immaterial to him on a daily interacting basis.

I’m the other way I don’t like husband clean shaven . Beards all the way for me