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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH being cruel to small fish

382 replies

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 16:37

DH is part of a team sport - has been for years no issues usually with it.

he has brought home a small ‘goldfish’ in a tiny tank. This small fish has been passed around different team members. Apparently if it dies on your watch you have to pay a fine.

the fish clearly isn’t being cared for properly, the water is cloudy it has no filter or air stone.

Ive looked up the type of fish and it’s not even a goldfish - it’s a small orange tropical fish that requires a heater.

I'm absolutely furious! I hate any cruelty to animals and think this type of lads game from a 40 yr old man is ridiculous.

first off mumsnetters AIBU? And if you think no what should I do?

worst part is that DH agrees that it’s cruel but for some reason ‘doesn’t want to cause a fuss’

OP posts:
ConcernedOfClapham · 19/07/2025 11:44

zzmonstera · 19/07/2025 11:12

Passing around an animal in a sports team is just a really weird thing to do. Why are they doing it? 😕

Probably a mixture of ignorance and impotence 🤷‍♂️

ConcernedOfClapham · 19/07/2025 11:42

DH is 40?

Or 14?

What a bunch of cunts he hangs around with. And to think they’re allowed to procreate and have the vote. 😡

DiggingHoles · 19/07/2025 11:41

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 22:05

Thanks for everyone’s input.

we are keeping the fish - dh has to pay the fine.

fish now has the correct supplies and already looks happier.

Im genuinely really shocked at his behaviour - I would never think he’d partake in this kind of behaviour, and neither would our friends or family.

Don´t pay the fine. Instead give them an ear full over their shared animals cruelty. This shit needs to stop right now and not be further rewarded. No fine. They get nothing.

If they want to keep something "alive" they need to get a Tamagotchi.

Justchilling07 · 19/07/2025 11:32

Outside9 · 19/07/2025 11:17

Struggling to see the big deal if I'm honest.

Fascinates me the matters that attract a deep dive on this forum

It’s cruelty.You don’t see it as a big deal to see, be aware of, a living being suffering, in this case for a game.
Well, thank goodness not everyone thinks the same way as you.

Bettysnow · 19/07/2025 11:22

Surely though a new one will be passed around given its some sort of vile game?
There's something very disturbing about people who are comfortable with a living creature suffering

Outside9 · 19/07/2025 11:17

Struggling to see the big deal if I'm honest.

Fascinates me the matters that attract a deep dive on this forum

zzmonstera · 19/07/2025 11:12

Passing around an animal in a sports team is just a really weird thing to do. Why are they doing it? 😕

4forksache · 19/07/2025 11:11

I hope he has the balls to tell the truth.

That it’s cruel and he disagrees with the whole thing.

Loulabelle1234 · 19/07/2025 11:11

SilenceLover · 18/07/2025 16:40

Let them think it died and pay the fine if he doesn’t want to cause a fuss, then keep the fish, or rehome it responsibly. Personally I would be making a fuss though, can’t imagine wanting to associate with people who think that’s okay.

This!!!!!

JuniperJuly · 19/07/2025 11:06

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 22:05

Thanks for everyone’s input.

we are keeping the fish - dh has to pay the fine.

fish now has the correct supplies and already looks happier.

Im genuinely really shocked at his behaviour - I would never think he’d partake in this kind of behaviour, and neither would our friends or family.

Good news.

Make sure he has the balls to tell them why. If he says it died, then they wont learn. As I was typing that, I thought "this sounds like Im taking about children" but they are really, arent they?

R0setheHat · 19/07/2025 11:03

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2025 10:40

Oh here we go, if you aren't a vegan you may as well spend your spare time kicking puppies to death and setting fire to kittens

Show quote history

Excellent response 👌

BetterWithPockets · 19/07/2025 10:59

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 22:05

Thanks for everyone’s input.

we are keeping the fish - dh has to pay the fine.

fish now has the correct supplies and already looks happier.

Im genuinely really shocked at his behaviour - I would never think he’d partake in this kind of behaviour, and neither would our friends or family.

OP, I love you for this. I’m so glad the fish has you, and that it’s already looking happier. I hope your DH had to stump up for everything it needed though!

JuniperJuly · 19/07/2025 10:50

Imaybeoldbutstillrandy · 18/07/2025 19:15

Irrelevant under the circumstances IMO.

Suspect vegan crap.

I'm talking as a farmer's daughter. I spent my childhood on a farm. We had sheep & bullocks which were kept to pay our bills. All animals kept in good conditions, but, at the end of the day, the bullocks & sheep not needed tor breeding were taken to market for meat.

We also had a small dairy herd of Guernsey cows for milk.

We kept chickens running around the farm scratching up grubs, worms etc for a living, giving us a good supply of eggs which we sold at the farm gate. My father killed the cockerels once fat enough to eat & laying birds who were aged 18 months as they were no longer economic to keep which we also ate.

The bullocks & male lambs only existed because they were going to be sold for meat. The chickens lived good 'chicken' lives scratching around, bringing up broods, but once they got too old to lay enough eggs to justify their keep they were killed & we ate them. The animal poo went onto the ground to fertilise it.

I don't get vegans - our countryside has been farmed for 1000's of years & many of our native flora & fauna depends on it, if there were no more farm animals the countryside would be over-run with brambles, scrub & butterflies etc that depend on a managed countryside would die out.

Show quote history

And a meat eater is triggered again over something completely irrelevant to the thread.

Im not vegan BTW I just love how so many people who eat dead animals always feel the need to jump to defending themselves (mostly against some imaginary attack) whilst trying to insult people with a different philosophy to them.

If you are that secure in your diet, enjoy it. Most vegetarians and vegans couldn't care less what you eat and are often bewildered by the unnecessary way you feel the need to justify your choices.

Brendahollowayreconsider · 19/07/2025 10:47

CarrotyO · 19/07/2025 10:41

Why is he paying the fine if the fish hasn't died?

Op has given the DH a roasting and the fish is being looked after properly.
The DH is telling his prick team mate's the fish has died to save face and not admit said creature is being looked after.🤯

CarrotyO · 19/07/2025 10:41

Why is he paying the fine if the fish hasn't died?

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2025 10:40

Hjjja · 18/07/2025 16:50

Do you all eat fish and chips?

Oh here we go, if you aren't a vegan you may as well spend your spare time kicking puppies to death and setting fire to kittens

Sportsdaywinner · 19/07/2025 10:33

JMSA · 18/07/2025 16:38

Fucking hell, this would rile me beyond belief. When it comes to animals though, I am next level insane so I’d probably leave him!! I abhor cruelty like this.

100%
Poor thing 😢

Pherian · 19/07/2025 10:18

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 16:37

DH is part of a team sport - has been for years no issues usually with it.

he has brought home a small ‘goldfish’ in a tiny tank. This small fish has been passed around different team members. Apparently if it dies on your watch you have to pay a fine.

the fish clearly isn’t being cared for properly, the water is cloudy it has no filter or air stone.

Ive looked up the type of fish and it’s not even a goldfish - it’s a small orange tropical fish that requires a heater.

I'm absolutely furious! I hate any cruelty to animals and think this type of lads game from a 40 yr old man is ridiculous.

first off mumsnetters AIBU? And if you think no what should I do?

worst part is that DH agrees that it’s cruel but for some reason ‘doesn’t want to cause a fuss’

Steal it. Make the fish disappear. Give it a better life. He can tell them it died and pay the fine.

VeronicaRaven · 19/07/2025 10:14

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 22:05

Thanks for everyone’s input.

we are keeping the fish - dh has to pay the fine.

fish now has the correct supplies and already looks happier.

Im genuinely really shocked at his behaviour - I would never think he’d partake in this kind of behaviour, and neither would our friends or family.

Bigger question is are they going to buy another fish to do this all over again?
What a bunch of dicks btw.

Springley · 19/07/2025 10:06

Get it a proper tank or rehome it. Inform whoever they got it from (if it was a shop).
They sound like idiots.. it would put me off if it was my DH.

CubanTody · 19/07/2025 09:04

I'm glad the fish is going to be looked after properly but I have no idea why you're paying the so-called 'fine'.

goldfishbowl2025 · 19/07/2025 08:27

Pay the fine?! Wtaf - that poor fish and what a bunch of idiots your DH is friends with.

Gettingbysomehow · 19/07/2025 08:26

I think your DH should learn to be a man and not copy his idiot team mates like a beta sheep. Take that fish to a nice place where it will be happy. I'd be disgusted personally.

BreatheAndFocus · 19/07/2025 08:12

How cruel! Shocking that grown men would behave like this, taking pleasure in torturing a little fish. Such a pathetic ’game’.

I’m glad you’ve saved the fish, OP, but I wouldn’t let these men get away with it, not least because they might do it again. You could phone the RSPCA or I’m pretty sure your local council will have an Animal/Wildlife Officer (the name varies around the country). These officers often visit schools to talk about animal cruelty of various forms, but they should also be able to talk to this team of pathetic men to educate them about their actions - and to make it clear to them they’re breaking the law.

That’s who I’d contact. The team won’t know it’s you, as it could be any one of the team’s partners or children, or even someone who heard them talking about it.

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 19/07/2025 08:08

Unless he stood up to his mates you're going to end up with a tank full of fish.