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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH being cruel to small fish

382 replies

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 16:37

DH is part of a team sport - has been for years no issues usually with it.

he has brought home a small ‘goldfish’ in a tiny tank. This small fish has been passed around different team members. Apparently if it dies on your watch you have to pay a fine.

the fish clearly isn’t being cared for properly, the water is cloudy it has no filter or air stone.

Ive looked up the type of fish and it’s not even a goldfish - it’s a small orange tropical fish that requires a heater.

I'm absolutely furious! I hate any cruelty to animals and think this type of lads game from a 40 yr old man is ridiculous.

first off mumsnetters AIBU? And if you think no what should I do?

worst part is that DH agrees that it’s cruel but for some reason ‘doesn’t want to cause a fuss’

OP posts:
FeetLikeFlippers · 19/07/2025 18:01

I’m glad you’re keeping it but fuck paying the fine! Does that mean DH is going to say it died in order to save face aka avoid looking like a wuss in front of his dickhead team mates? Can’t he just be a grown up and tell them the truth?

Snakebite61 · 19/07/2025 17:58

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 16:37

DH is part of a team sport - has been for years no issues usually with it.

he has brought home a small ‘goldfish’ in a tiny tank. This small fish has been passed around different team members. Apparently if it dies on your watch you have to pay a fine.

the fish clearly isn’t being cared for properly, the water is cloudy it has no filter or air stone.

Ive looked up the type of fish and it’s not even a goldfish - it’s a small orange tropical fish that requires a heater.

I'm absolutely furious! I hate any cruelty to animals and think this type of lads game from a 40 yr old man is ridiculous.

first off mumsnetters AIBU? And if you think no what should I do?

worst part is that DH agrees that it’s cruel but for some reason ‘doesn’t want to cause a fuss’

Him and his friends sound like complete tossers.

NorfenBonhomie · 19/07/2025 17:52

SilenceLover · 18/07/2025 16:40

Let them think it died and pay the fine if he doesn’t want to cause a fuss, then keep the fish, or rehome it responsibly. Personally I would be making a fuss though, can’t imagine wanting to associate with people who think that’s okay.

i agree. Liberate the fish. But. Perhaps your husband could be persuaded to tell the truth about why he's not passing it on. Even if it's just 'my wife liberated the fish, sorry lads.'

Lazygardener · 19/07/2025 17:50

Saying it died and paying the fine just validates the whole nasty exercise. Presumably these 'lads' will just go out and buy another fish. Your DH could instead show that he shares something with the fish - a backbone.

SparklesGlitter · 19/07/2025 17:49

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 22:05

Thanks for everyone’s input.

we are keeping the fish - dh has to pay the fine.

fish now has the correct supplies and already looks happier.

Im genuinely really shocked at his behaviour - I would never think he’d partake in this kind of behaviour, and neither would our friends or family.

Bravo OP! Hope the little fish has a lovely life 🥰

WorkingMummy1234 · 19/07/2025 17:48

Hjjja · 18/07/2025 16:50

Do you all eat fish and chips?

I was thinking exactly the same. I bet more than half of the comment from these ‘outraged’ animal lovers’ eat fish 🙄

SparklesGlitter · 19/07/2025 17:47

This is just so awful and sad. I’m totally with you. I find it difficult to harm flies and they’re really annoying. I let wasps out and just love bees and small creatures.

why would they go to the trouble of this when this defenceless little creature could live out a happy life in a home that cares for it. Also surely they would want yo do their best to make a nice living environment so that the fish lives as long as possible?

Bunchymcbunchface · 19/07/2025 17:45

I pressed the wrong button
you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Disgusting behaviour

Jllllllll · 19/07/2025 17:28

I would be absolutely furious with him to the point where I wouldn’t want to be with someone who has that level of disregard for living creatures. He needs to grow a backbone.

Plasticwaste · 19/07/2025 15:26

Justchilling07 · 19/07/2025 13:52

Oh do, pipe down, nobody’s twisting themselves into knots to ‘justify’ themselves, on my goodness talk about turning this around.😂 and how are posters on here insulting vegans.The person who l responded to said they couldn’t care less, l just merely pointed out thank goodness not everyone feels the same way. Sorry if that offends you.

Show quote history

No, there will be no "piping down" because a double standard being observed is a point of irritation to those it condemns.

Until people stop endorsing industrial farming for their own pleasure, this hypocrisy from so-called animal lovers will always exist.

JuniperJuly · 19/07/2025 15:03

Fragmentedbrain · 19/07/2025 13:24

I mean... If salmon farming involved torturing the salmon for weeks on end in pools of their own faeces I don't think it would sell so well.

Perhaps it does idk (but you can buy wild can't you)

It does.

WhyDoiGiveValuableTime · 19/07/2025 14:44

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2025 10:40

Oh here we go, if you aren't a vegan you may as well spend your spare time kicking puppies to death and setting fire to kittens

Show quote history

No, but hanging live poultry upside down by it legs and plunging it into electrified boiling water before slitting its throat ain't great either. That's what vegans fight for, their not overly keen on folk kicking puppies either mind. Smile

Pizzagirly · 19/07/2025 14:36

Well done OP.
You are married to a weak twat.
Ick.

justalittlebit3 · 19/07/2025 14:09

Lates face is, anyone who keeps anytype of animal is only doing it for their own benefit, unless it is some type of rescue. Fish, Horses, Cats, Dogs, Hamsters, the lot.
Of course you will probably care for them but you still only have it for your own amusement. I used to keep fish, but I wasn't doing it for an intense breeding program to be re released, i was doing it because they were pretty.
People who keep horses only do it for there own amusement. No horse has had it's lfe improved by having a fat westerner riding it around in summer and keeping it in shed in a field in winter.

Nigglenaggle · 19/07/2025 14:03

I'm sorry OP. I'd leave him to be honest. But at least take the fish somewhere it will be properly cared for.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 19/07/2025 13:55

If only we could put each team member in a smelly tank.

Justchilling07 · 19/07/2025 13:52

Plasticwaste · 19/07/2025 13:18

It is.

At least they're being honest about it, instead of twisting themselves into knots to justify their outrage over a goldfish while insulting vegans for pointing out the double standard.

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Oh do, pipe down, nobody’s twisting themselves into knots to ‘justify’ themselves, on my goodness talk about turning this around.😂 and how are posters on here insulting vegans.The person who l responded to said they couldn’t care less, l just merely pointed out thank goodness not everyone feels the same way. Sorry if that offends you.

Outside9 · 19/07/2025 13:25

Justchilling07 · 19/07/2025 13:10

You genuinely don’t care, you are not speaking for everyone.You had a salmon steak, how interesting, it’s not quite the same though is it.

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Agreed. The fish I ate would probably rather be in this bowl than my digestive tract.

Fragmentedbrain · 19/07/2025 13:24

I mean... If salmon farming involved torturing the salmon for weeks on end in pools of their own faeces I don't think it would sell so well.

Perhaps it does idk (but you can buy wild can't you)

Plasticwaste · 19/07/2025 13:18

Justchilling07 · 19/07/2025 13:10

You genuinely don’t care, you are not speaking for everyone.You had a salmon steak, how interesting, it’s not quite the same though is it.

Show quote history

It is.

At least they're being honest about it, instead of twisting themselves into knots to justify their outrage over a goldfish while insulting vegans for pointing out the double standard.

TicklishMintDuck · 19/07/2025 13:13

Outside9 · 19/07/2025 11:17

Struggling to see the big deal if I'm honest.

Fascinates me the matters that attract a deep dive on this forum

We’ll treat you the same then, and see if it’s a big deal then?

Justchilling07 · 19/07/2025 13:10

Outside9 · 19/07/2025 12:59

Yeah its weird I genuinely don't care. I even had salmon steak just last night.

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You genuinely don’t care, you are not speaking for everyone.You had a salmon steak, how interesting, it’s not quite the same though is it.

catsand · 19/07/2025 13:08

I’d be horrified if my DH was involved in something like this. Thankfully I married the type of man who would never condone cruelty to animals and wouldn’t be afraid to speak up if he saw it.

Outside9 · 19/07/2025 12:59

Justchilling07 · 19/07/2025 11:32

It’s cruelty.You don’t see it as a big deal to see, be aware of, a living being suffering, in this case for a game.
Well, thank goodness not everyone thinks the same way as you.

Show quote history

Yeah its weird I genuinely don't care. I even had salmon steak just last night.

Streetcornerchoir · 19/07/2025 12:08

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 22:05

Thanks for everyone’s input.

we are keeping the fish - dh has to pay the fine.

fish now has the correct supplies and already looks happier.

Im genuinely really shocked at his behaviour - I would never think he’d partake in this kind of behaviour, and neither would our friends or family.

That’s nice but what is your husband going to do when they acquire a new ‘pet’ and treat that with cruelty as well? Might not even be a fish next time…