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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH being cruel to small fish

382 replies

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 16:37

DH is part of a team sport - has been for years no issues usually with it.

he has brought home a small ‘goldfish’ in a tiny tank. This small fish has been passed around different team members. Apparently if it dies on your watch you have to pay a fine.

the fish clearly isn’t being cared for properly, the water is cloudy it has no filter or air stone.

Ive looked up the type of fish and it’s not even a goldfish - it’s a small orange tropical fish that requires a heater.

I'm absolutely furious! I hate any cruelty to animals and think this type of lads game from a 40 yr old man is ridiculous.

first off mumsnetters AIBU? And if you think no what should I do?

worst part is that DH agrees that it’s cruel but for some reason ‘doesn’t want to cause a fuss’

OP posts:
SwishMyCape · 18/07/2025 17:06

I do think you can judge a man by the company he keeps.

Also, what else would he go along with so as not to make a fuss. Is there a point when he would make a fuss? If the animal was bigger? Had fur?

Balloonhearts · 18/07/2025 17:06

I'm sorry, there's a tiny helpless animal suffering at the hands of people he knows, for no other reason than entertainment and he won't help it because he doesn't want to make a fuss? What kind of man is he, exactly?

Pathetic.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 18/07/2025 17:03

LittlleMy · 18/07/2025 16:55

And what’s the relevance of your Q?

Fish sourced for food aren’t previously confined to a tiny polluted environment where they will experience a cruel slow end to their life 🤦🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

No they are flailing round in nets on decks of ships drawing their last breath.

I don't think you can draw huge differences in your justication of fish caught to eat.

Errolwasahero · 18/07/2025 17:02

LittlleMy · 18/07/2025 16:55

And what’s the relevance of your Q?

Fish sourced for food aren’t previously confined to a tiny polluted environment where they will experience a cruel slow end to their life 🤦🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Sorry but I just couldn’t let this pass, much as I am glad about everyone’s response and the original comment wasn’t necessary, farmed fish do suffer in appalling conditions. I’ll see if I can find a link if you want.

But yes this is really poor behaviour and shouldn’t be tolerated!

atotalshambles · 18/07/2025 16:59

I would try my best to help the fish and get whatever it needs to survive. I would boot the husband too. What a d-head.

AcquadiP · 18/07/2025 16:58

JMSA · 18/07/2025 16:38

Fucking hell, this would rile me beyond belief. When it comes to animals though, I am next level insane so I’d probably leave him!! I abhor cruelty like this.

100% agree with this. Animal cruelty is a criminal offence. Please contact a specialist and get the fish to them ASAP. I wouldn't have a civil word to say to your husband - or his mates. Their behaviour is vile.

CatChant · 18/07/2025 16:57

What utterly vile men. Including your spineless DH.

Please save the poor fish. One Google throws up a list of tropical fish rehoming sites for you to try.

In the meantime, I would get the poor creature a proper tank and whatever it needs from a pet shop. And make sure your pathetic DH foots the bill.

TashaG · 18/07/2025 16:56

Say it died, pay the fine and rehome the fish!

LittlleMy · 18/07/2025 16:55

Hjjja · 18/07/2025 16:50

Do you all eat fish and chips?

And what’s the relevance of your Q?

Fish sourced for food aren’t previously confined to a tiny polluted environment where they will experience a cruel slow end to their life 🤦🏻‍♀️

Theuniversalshere1 · 18/07/2025 16:54

What will you do op?

musicforthesoul · 18/07/2025 16:53

I'd be taking the fish and finding it a good home at this point. No way i'd be leaving an animal to suffer in my house, it wouldn't be going back to his mates either.

I'd be furious too.

ErrolTheDragon · 18/07/2025 16:51

urgh. I think the term you could apply to your DH is ‘moral cowardice’.
maybe make it clear that the ‘fuss’ from his teammates will pale into insignificance compare to the fuss he’ll be getting from you if he doesn’t commit to looking after the poor fish properly and telling them he’s not playing their nasty game any more.

Hjjja · 18/07/2025 16:50

Do you all eat fish and chips?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 18/07/2025 16:50

He either needs to rehome it or buy the kit to look after it properly.

FreddysFingers · 18/07/2025 16:47

Unbelievable. That poor fish will be struggling to take oxygen from the water if it's dirty, and that's beside the fact that it's a tropical fish and requires a heater!

I would be taking the fish to a pet shop or donating it to someone who can care for it properly. It's not right.

magpie234 · 18/07/2025 16:46

This is disgusting and I would be furious not least at the not wanting to cause a fuss part. Like grow up and associate with decent responsible human beings with brains. So pathetic.

Iheartmysmart · 18/07/2025 16:46

That is just utterly foul. I can’t bear animal cruelty and coming from grown men who should know better is absolutely disgusting. How can you bear to even look at him. I’ve got fish and they are such fun little things, that poor fish deserves better.

Take it to a local pet shop - preferably not Pets at Home - and get the poor thing rehomed. Then dump your spineless DH.

fattiefattieboomboom · 18/07/2025 16:45

Thats hideous. If they dont care about the poor fish, it's probably worth noting that fish are protected under the Animal Welfare Act - so, in theory, failing to provide for the needs as stated in law (the 5 welfare needs) is leaving your DH (and others) at risk of committing a criminal offence.

JMSA · 18/07/2025 16:44

The poor thing’s gills and fins will be burning. Without the proper water treatment, it’s like swimming in toxic waste.

Cherrysoup · 18/07/2025 16:43

Sorry, couldn’t tolerate that. There are fish re-homing sites, I’d be straight on there, sod the fine. I’d be disgusted if my DH behaved like this, he needs to man up.

PaintedCurtains · 18/07/2025 16:43

They are all terrible for participating.

Liliwen · 18/07/2025 16:42

The men are all pathetic. Including your DH for not wanting to make a fuss

JMSA · 18/07/2025 16:42

I remember when I got my daughter a betta (Siamese Fighter Fish). I spent weeks researching and getting the tank ready for his arrival. And fish aren’t even my bag!
This has really saddened me.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 18/07/2025 16:42

That's foul. I'd be strongly encouraging DH to make a fuss, and I certainly wouldn't be allowing the fish to go back.