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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH being cruel to small fish

382 replies

linaplatelover · 18/07/2025 16:37

DH is part of a team sport - has been for years no issues usually with it.

he has brought home a small ‘goldfish’ in a tiny tank. This small fish has been passed around different team members. Apparently if it dies on your watch you have to pay a fine.

the fish clearly isn’t being cared for properly, the water is cloudy it has no filter or air stone.

Ive looked up the type of fish and it’s not even a goldfish - it’s a small orange tropical fish that requires a heater.

I'm absolutely furious! I hate any cruelty to animals and think this type of lads game from a 40 yr old man is ridiculous.

first off mumsnetters AIBU? And if you think no what should I do?

worst part is that DH agrees that it’s cruel but for some reason ‘doesn’t want to cause a fuss’

OP posts:
happygertie · 18/07/2025 18:05

Sickening

Thingyfanding · 18/07/2025 18:04

SilenceLover · 18/07/2025 16:40

Let them think it died and pay the fine if he doesn’t want to cause a fuss, then keep the fish, or rehome it responsibly. Personally I would be making a fuss though, can’t imagine wanting to associate with people who think that’s okay.

Agree. Best option here!

ginasevern · 18/07/2025 18:03

And this sums up everything wrong with men.

WickWood · 18/07/2025 18:02

Fucking disgusting. I genuinely couldn't be with someone who was so cruel to animals. You 100% take the fish and rehome responsibility or look after it properly yourself.

BreakingBroken · 18/07/2025 18:01

@linaplatelover just in case you don't know;
don't change the full amount of water! you only change 1/3 at a time
it's unlikely to be a tropical fish needing a heater especially since it's survived the other team mates.

Scorchio84 · 18/07/2025 18:01

I don't like fish as pets anyway but this is beyond the beyonds, like others have said get onto a tropical fish shop, what a cruel, dickish thing to do

Robogob · 18/07/2025 18:01

Awful. Just fucking horrible.

Robin67 · 18/07/2025 18:00

Obviously don't leave your husband over this. That would be crazy.

Re-homing the fish or keeping it yourself and then looking after it properly are good ideas. However, please be aware that they might just go and buy another fish, and then that will suffer.

I would take no issue with the rest of his group thinking that I am a "nag" or a "killjoy" and I would just complain to the organisers (if it's official) or on the WhatsApp group (if it's not formal) and tell them to stop. Yes, yes your husband is an adult who could do the latter. But if he doesn't I personally don't really care if the others don't like me. If he doesn't want to be embarrassed, he could say "having seen how the fish is kept, this isn't right and I want out".

housethatbuiltme · 18/07/2025 17:59

Cruelty to animal extends to fish, if caught you can be banned from ever owning animals again and even tagged or put on house arrest for 6 months.

While most people get away with sheer ignorance causing fish to die with no repercussions because they are never caught by anyone with authority to prosecute, there have actually been cases of people charged and found guilty usually related to neglect from giving fish to children (its the adult charged if the neglecter was underage as you have to be over 16 to legally own or buy a pet/animal in the UK).

outerspacepotato · 18/07/2025 17:56

His sports team espouses cruelty to living creatures as a game and your husband goes along with it.

Fucking hell to the no.

I would go New York on those assholes and be naming and shaming on social media so they don't just get another fish to live in horrible conditions.

I've adopted abused animals and I have no truck with anyone who thinks this is ok, even for a fish.

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 18/07/2025 17:53

What a bunch of scum bags, the lot of them including your DH. Have you checked to see if the person you married has a back bone.. I would!

FuckYouLeslie · 18/07/2025 17:51

What an absolute cunt!

sallsterm · 18/07/2025 17:50

AgnesX · 18/07/2025 17:36

Don't be silly, there's no comparison.

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Well why not? Both the same animal except for a perception and I'm not vegan.

RaininSummer · 18/07/2025 17:50

Hjjja · 18/07/2025 16:50

Do you all eat fish and chips?

What an inane comment.

JMSA · 18/07/2025 17:49

I really hope this won’t be one of those threads where the OP disappears.

sallsterm · 18/07/2025 17:49

Really shit, take it off him. And also on a side note sick of people thinking fish are like inanimate objects, they're not, they're lovely creatures.

Persistpercy · 18/07/2025 17:48

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2025ismybestyear · 18/07/2025 17:44

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Why thank goodness for the op? She's not said she's saved the fish yet.

JustAnInchident · 18/07/2025 17:44

Cardiaga · 18/07/2025 17:30

If he pretends it died they’ll just get another one to torture. Your DH needs to take a flipping stand

This! Everyone is saying oh rehome it etc but that absolutely won’t just be an end to it. I’d be repulsed that the man I married could be so cruel to a living creature all in the name of laddish bants, I’m not sure I could look at him the same way again.

2025ismybestyear · 18/07/2025 17:40

So you've found yourself married to a man child, who is a wet lettuce and can't make a fuss for the sake of a defenceless animal and a stupid game, and also won't care for the fish properly. Wow.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/07/2025 17:39

Hjjja · 18/07/2025 16:50

Do you all eat fish and chips?

Ah, a Vegan has entered the chat.

Let's not bother and flush it down the bog now. Because the Vegans don't want us to be hypocritical and care about a non edible series of fishes that are being neglected for entertainment purposes.

AgnesX · 18/07/2025 17:36

Hjjja · 18/07/2025 16:50

Do you all eat fish and chips?

Don't be silly, there's no comparison.

VehicleTracker77 · 18/07/2025 17:31

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Clockface222 · 18/07/2025 17:30

LittlleMy · 18/07/2025 16:55

And what’s the relevance of your Q?

Fish sourced for food aren’t previously confined to a tiny polluted environment where they will experience a cruel slow end to their life 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Apart from farmed salmon.

Not that I condone the OP's DH but I do think there are a lot of double standards on this thread.

No animal should be left to suffer needlessly but anyone who has eaten meat in a restaurant or in processed non tracable food will have contributed to animal suffering.

I would personally be giving the poor fish as quick death.

Cardiaga · 18/07/2025 17:30

If he pretends it died they’ll just get another one to torture. Your DH needs to take a flipping stand

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