My nephew is 19 (20 next month) and has no friends. He is a lovely lad – tall, handsome and charming. My sister never had any problems with him at school – the teachers liked him, and he always had friends. He was a bit lazy, but he did OK in his exams and now works in a gym.
Anyway, he seems to have got kind of stuck. I don't see as much of them as I'd like (we're 200 miles away). But last weekend we drove up and spent the night. After some lunch and a long chat, he went out and me and my sister were left alone. She said she worries that he just doesn't seem to "have a life" (her words). He has drifted away from all his school friends, and he didn't really connect with anyone at college. He gets on fine with the other guys at the gym, but never sees them socially. He also seems uninterested in dating. He goes to the cinema on his own, and even goes abroad on his own. Basically, he's had no social life for the last three years – no parties, no relationships, nothing. Oh, and he doesn't drink – at all. I took a couple of bottles of wine with me and offered him a glass, but he refused. So me and his mum sat there knocking back the booze while he sipped a fruit smoothie!
My sister was always part of a big crowd, and her bedroom wall was covered in photos of her and her friends – at festivals, or backpacking round Europe, or whatever. To her his life seems a failure. But is he simply an introvert? His dad is a much quieter, more introverted person than my sister, and I suspect my nephew takes after him. He seems perfectly happy btw. He cracked a few jokes, teased me a little, and was his usual sweet, funny self. He really doesn't seem bothered.
I don't think he's chosen to have no social life. It's just how things have panned out, and he seems perfectly happy with that. Is it normal? Is it unhealthy? I ask sincerely. I'm a big introvert myself and can't imagine anything worse than a hectic social life, but then I'm middle-aged. Do we put too much pressure on young people like him? Should we be more tolerant of different personality types? I remember at his age being put under horrendous pressure to go out and party. I'd go along with it, of course, and screech with fake laughter, etc. But deep down I just wanted to be at home reading or listening to music. My sister really enjoyed going out and meeting new people. I just pretended to because I feared being labelled a loser. Maybe he's just got more strength of character than me.