Argument with bf this morning :(

You are pushing him away

yoy sound insecure and you have an anxious attachment

read Attached by Amir Levine and Codependency by Pia Melody

seek therapy too

You can’t expect your partner to fix it for you
that’s unfair

But you’re cutting yourself slack for being less than ideal, maybe you can cut him some slack too by trying to see things from his perspective? He’s not perfect either, but does be have to be?

I don’t think slamming the door is ideal but I can totally understand why he might be feeling stressed and frustrated

You said your relationship isn’t normally like this, this is new since you started your antidepressants. It may be the type you are on don’t suit you. Do you have information about possible side effects? Discuss this change in behaviour with your GP and ask for alternative medication.

I hope you feel better soon.

I don’t think you are ready for a relationship. Sounds like he is unhappy too. I would be very, very irritated and upset if I had to deal with this at 11:30pm right before bed and work the next day. It carried over the next day as well and he snapped.. understandable.

I think you need to work on your anxiety on your own because either way he seems to be building resentment.

Poor lad.

So message and apologise for pushing so hard.

And then leave it at that.

Mental illness is a horrible thing, but it can also be a horrible thing for whoever lives with that person.

Well he hasn't done anything wrong.

To be honest I think his reactions are normal and fairly standard from someone who is being pestered with such mind fuck questions when they are tired and just want to sleep. Like a PP said, its not his job to deal with your anxiety and calm you down. What about what HE wants? Which was obviously some quiet and time to relax and get some sleep. It sounds like he did his best to respond to your needs and tried to be supportive but it sounds like it wasn't enough and you wanted more from him. Honestly you sound hard work.

As for this morning, repeatedly asking someone if they are 'ok' is honestly SO irritating. Seems he was quiet this morning because he was tired.

You need to find a way to help yourself when you are anxious. Yes, ask him for a cuddle and some support and accept it but don't keep pushing, which it seems like you keep doing.

You will drive him away if you continue this needy behaviour.

Leave him alone today to just sort his own head out.

He is doing the right thing of taking time to calm down.

To be honest, this might sound harsh, but he might be struggling with all this too. I think you’re focused on improving your own health right now which is good - but it still can be extremely difficult and stressful for the people around you too. I think people underestimate the impact to the partner when one is struggling with their mental health…

I think in your shoes, maybe you need to rethink how you approached things here. Starting deep conversations at midnight when you know he’s got work 8 hours later, was unwise as it was likely going to take some time to talk through. The impact was he wasn’t prepared for the conversation, still tried to digest it and reassure you but you both ended on an awkward note. That carried on to the morning and he ended up being late to work. So now he’s having a shitty day after getting little sleep.

I appreciate that you’re trying new medication but on a fundamental level, he’s been supportive and seems to be having a human response to things. Ultimately you’re not perfect & neither is he. I also think you’re acting like you think he’s a mind reader and are unhappy when he doesn’t do exactly what you want, but he’s not a NPC.

I’m not sure you are ready for this kind of relationship. You need to sort yourself out and get on top of your anxiety. You would probably benefit from therapy.

In his shoes I'd find this difficult. He hasn't done anything wrong, you spiralling late at night when he needs to be up for work and he can't go to sleep before you in case he snores, then he gets up this morning for work probably tired and stressed from your outburst, you then sulk off into the bedroom because he checked the sport on his phone. Now this is going to continue because you're now judging that he hasn't text you, when he probably just needs space to calm down and focus on work not knowing what drama he'll walk into tonight. It wouldn't be a relationship for me.

I think I would be irritated too if my partner started a conversation about saving and finances at 11.30 at night! He was tired and needed to sleep. Also, if you kept asking him first thing in the morning if he's ok when he's trying to wake up and get ready for work, I can see why he snapped.

It's not his job to manage your anxiety. I know it's hard but you need to find ways to calm yourself. You can download the Calm app on your phone which is really useful for anxiety and help with sleeping. Give it a try. Do you have any strategies that you use for self-regulation? For example, yoga breathing, go for a walk, having a warm bath or shower, watch something funny or soothing? Think about what helps you and try not to look to him for reassurance all the time.

Have you messaged him?

Sounds like an awful situation for both of you.

But if you try to put yourself in his shoes, he needed to go to sleep as he had work the next day, and at 11.30pm you prevented that by trying start a deep conversation that could've waited for a more appropriate time.

He woke up tired and fed up, and it sounds like you pushed and pushed him to talk about his feelings when he didn't want to, he just wanted to get ready and get out to work.

So again, you could've chosen a more appropriate time.

Perhaps part of your depression may mean you have to talk things through right there and then, but that's not how it works for him.

When someone is biting their lip and trying to prevent a row, it's best not to push them into talking right at that time.

You're pushing him away

I think the first poster is right. I don't think he has done anything wrong.

It's good you are getting help for your anxiety, the meds need more time to take effect.

It sounds like you are having a really hard time managing your anxiety at the moment which is a hard place to be, and he has tried to reassure you but his efforts didn't really calm your anxiety so he got a bit frustrated with the situation. It is really hard to be in his position too, to love someone and want to support them, and try really hard but nothing you do seems to help them. He ends up feeling stressed out over it. I think it's common that things fluctuate a bit when you start medication, but if it doesn't calm down maybe you can check in with your doctor about your tablets and see if any adjustments are possible/needed? It sounds like your anxiety is the issue more than your relationship, just remember that it's not easy for him either.