Were my parents rude?

Are you sharing custody?

If my dds ex partner was emotionally abusive to her I don’t even want to be in the same room as him. He would be lucky he was still standing!

I think your mum and dad were amazing, I wouldn’t have been as chilled.

Sounds like he knows you'll be out of his control soon so is using this as a last attempt to make you feel bad.

Will your parents ever even see him again?!

I think it’s just down to emotions, your Mum loves you, you are her daughter, she will be worried and struggling emotionally with her own feelings, your Ex will also be struggling underneath with his own emotions. You can’t do anything about that.

I think you worded your OP brilliantly, you handled things well and you did a good job of making it a nice day for your son.

It sounds like they were cordial which is reasonable given the circumstances. Your ex sounds like an arse!

I was going to say that your parents are bound to be partisan. It would be strange parents who embraced an aggressive and nasty son in law. But then you tell us that your parents don't believe in divorce and want you to stay together because you have children! Are they strict Catholics or something? Either way, your DH is just pouring oil on troubled waters because he's an arsehole. You've said yourself he's got bags of previous. Your parents weren't rude and, given it was such an odd and strained situation, I think they did remarkably well.

This would be relevant if she was planning to stay with him or excusing his behaviour, but she's not doing either, so it doesn't matter.

It is you ex still being a controlling twat.

Your parents were prepared to put aside their feelings towards him to enable your DS to have a happy birthday party. They said goodbye. Nothing further was needed.

Ignore the ex and get yourself somewhere else to live ASAP.

That’s what I was thinking, @PringlesForMe. Unless, I suppose, you feel you need to keep the peace between your parents and him because of future awkwardness when co-parenting your children? Otherwise, it’s just more emotional abuse on his part.
Good luck with your move out and for your future.

Nah, he's an entitled arsewipe. They are YOUR PARENTS and the very best he can ever expect from them is cold politeness considering he's abusive.

You already know he's abusive, so you can discard any complaints he makes for the rest of your life.

Glad you are leaving soon. Your parents were fine and his opinion doesn't matter. I would nod along with him "yeah they could have been more thankful" or whatever needs to be said for a quiet life til you're out if there in a few days. But really his opinion doesn't matter, it is natural for your parents to be cold towards him but they were civil so that's fine.

If he was punching holes in walls on honeymoon can we assume this was not the first sign of trouble but you married him anyway?

I think it was unnecessary stress to bring on yourself, you know the risks and did it anyway. Given you are leaving in a few days, it was always going to feel awkwardfor someone or several people.

It was mildly rude, but you forced the situation, knowing there was a strong possibility or awkwardness.

He’s abusive and just using this as another stick to beat you with. Ignore ignore ignore. You are nearly free from him.

My parents will be upset if I get divorced. They do understand (and know everything) though. But, exactly as you say here, I can see the dynamics of my parents marriage, now I’m older.

A lot of women of my mother’s age would have “put up & shut up”. Only one of my aunts divorced, and she waited until my Grandmother was dead. She was a “disgrace” to the family.

Divorce was not legal, where I live, until 30 years ago. As a cultural thing, it’s now becoming more acceptable to leave your marriage. But, it’s still considered a failure on your part.

I think my parents would not go overboard to be civil with someone they knew was abusive towards me. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. Good luck!

No. They were civil in what was obviously an awkward situation. Your ex sounds like a complete shit as well as a massive drama llama.

No, it’s him! My DH treats my parents & sister the same way, and claims it’s them. He is the common denominator with aggro.

Your parents were not rude. It will be so nice to get away from him!

That’s brilliant OP, so happy for you! ❤️

Do you have other people to be your support system as well as your parents? I don’t doubt they love you but they both have messed up ideas of what a healthy relationship should look like.

If you haven’t already please have a Google of The Freedom Programme. There’s others ones out there too (if they’re not accredited give them a swerve). The local women’s aid that helped me and my kids had a similar programme for older kids to help them identify healthy and unhealthy relationships.

He is emotionally abusing you, you know that so just ignore his bullshit and get out as soon as you can. Your parents thinking you should be in an abusive relationship is utterly insane. You are most likely in this position due to what you learned about relationships from them in childhood. Please leave and break the cycle, show your children a happy life with a happy mum that is more important than parents living together.

Your mum was a little rude to him but they are both grown adults and it is not your problem. Don't give it headspace. You have plenty on your plate.

Good luck with the move and your future with your child. You'll be much happier away from this man and things will get back in proportion for you. I'd avoid the co-hosting or shared events as much as possible in future. Less drama.

I don’t think they were rude. Some people (me included) struggle to fake being over nice. There’s nothing wrong with that- your parents are sincere people and they understandably don’t have much time for your ex because their daughter is splitting up with him due to his EA. I would hazard a guess that the reason you are giving your ex any headspace about this is because of his EA. You’ve acclimatised yourself to second guessing perfectly normal interactions because of his behaviour.

How long do you foresee being stuck living under the same roof as him? It must be horrendous for you and your kid(s).

If he’s been emotionally abusing you, your parents are not unreasonable to hold this against him and do nothing more than be coldly civil (referred to as grey rocking around these parts).

Even if they grateful for the hosting, I can see their rationale for not seeing him as worthy of their gratitude given he’s been abusing the person they cherish the most in this world.