Were my parents rude?

Co-hosting an event with someone you are separated from creates awkwardness for everyone.

Is everyone meant to behave as if everything's as it should, and treat you two as a couple?

Of all the things going on, this is minor and not something to worry about. The situation won't arise again, will it.

All the best for a brighter future.

Your parents are unreasonable in wanting you to stay together....otherwise they were fine. He's just spouting more abuse.

I would not be polite to someone who emotionally abused my adult child. He got the interaction he deserved. Stop tying yourself in knots to appease this fuckwit.

They were civil. I don't think I'd be inclined to be warm and friendly to someone who was abusing my child

They just needed to be civil to him, which they were. Presumably they'll be spending less time around him when you move out, so it sounds like they were setting healthy boundaries ie we can be civil for the kids, but leaving him in no doubt they won't be friends with him.

I'd find it more concerning if they were being friendly with him, as it sends him the message that he can be as abusive as he likes and there are no consequences. Ex is probably hoping you will put a good word in with your parents for him, so his kids don't cotton on to what he's really like.

He's lucky your Dad didn't punch him. Mine would have threatened to break his legs.

I don’t think it feels particularly rude just very awkward- if I had been in your parents’ position I’m not sure I’d have known what to do for the best

I think your parents were polite. They didn’t call him a shit bag did they?

I think he is entitled, expecting people to be nice to him when he’s abused their daughter. What a git.

Your parents were uncomfortable but made the best of the child’s birthday……..in their position I don’t think I could have even looked at your ex let alone thanked him for the party invitation.

Put this behind you and move on, ex has shown yet more of his true colours. Be happy in your new life 💐

Good grief ! it was a party for the children not for him !
He should think himself lucky they came and were at least pleasant to him during the party.

What a mess. So your dad is abusive toard your mum? I think you should just put all this behind you and move on and stop worrying what either your ex or parents think.

Be aware of the pattern of behaviour in your life. My dad was EA and I chose the same in 2 long term relationships. It's a hard habit to get out of but with self knowledge you can do it. I've been with my lovely husband for nearly 30 years and I'm aware I coukd have chosen a different path.

I was going to say no, they were not rude, as he was emotionally abusing you. I would find it hard to thank someone who had been emotionally abusing my daughter.

But then you said that they don’t want you to split up.

why do they want you to stay with someone who’s emotionally abusive?

I don't think they were wrong. They behaved politely and she even said goodbye. Did he think they would be warm towards him after what he has done?

I wouldn't be gushing over my DDs abusive ex either. They should be thrilled you're getting away from him, not disappointed you're splitting up. Don't do anything socially that involves both your parents and your ex again, there's no need. They don't need to see him again.

So, your Mother married a man that was controlling/abusive and you repeated the pattern yourself. Well done to getting out now, and breaking that repeat for your own children.

Not sure how else your parents could have handled the situation tbh - he was lucky to have received the civility he did from them in the circumstances, which they undoubtedly did for yours and their grandchild's sake. Would have been better if the birthday celebration had been held in a neutral place, and you'd gone out to a restaurant or something, instead of holding it in 'his' house.

Look to your better, brighter future Pringles, when you are free from this man.

Rude and entitled, sounds like you have dodged a bullet. My dad would have knocked him out.
Your mum was being polite saying goodbye at all.
He is just trying to be dominant and controlling as he has always been, I suspect he didn't say anything to their faces while they were there, you ex is a coward

I don't think your parents were wrong at all. You e obviously separated because he was treating you like shit so why would your parents ever want to even talk to him at all? Your ex should be thankful that they were even civil to him imo

He thinks they should have been grateful he let them into "his" house, so glad you're leaving soon Op

I wouldn’t be able to pretend I liked the man who had abused my dd. I’d say “thank you and goodbye and that’s it.

PS I would do everything I could to move out asap in your shoes!

No they were not rude.

They know your entitled ex is a knobhead and they should not have to grovel round and thank him when they can just thank you.

I think your parents were far nicer to your ex than I would have been - why are you sticking up for your awful ex and not your parents!

I’m actually shocked that under the circumstances you think they were rude!

This nails it for me.

It must have been hard for them to be with your exh.

And it’s not “him hosting them” if you did the work of hosting. You still live there!

Had it been me I would have celebrated my grand child's birthday in my own home at a later date. I think it was very big of them to put on a face and attend in the company of the twat that abused their daughter. What the fuck was he expecting, big hugs and kisses and for them not to acknowledge his abuse in any way? Fk that. I wouldn't give a shiny shit whether they were rude or not. He is an abuser.

He didn’t deserve them to be kind to him. Their allegiance is to you; he’s sounding like he’s been an arse to you; why would they shower him with praise? You are still in love with him aren’t you?