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Original poster

To find it strange that this friend always says this?

39 replies

Panther40 · 17/07/2025 22:38

Every single time something slightly or more unfortunate happens to this friend, she says she hopes the same never happens to me.
It's just a bit strange and almost seems disingenuous, I'm sure she means well but there's something odd about it.

For instance, her washing machine broke. She said 'I hope your washing machine never breaks!"

She had something like tonsillitis and said 'I hope you never get tonsillitis!'

Then I think she got paid slightly late and said 'I hope you never get paid late!' Each time I just say thank you, I don't know why I just find it disingenuous.
Or am I just being ungrateful? I have my bad luck too but I don't say that to her every single time.

OP posts:
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LittlleMy · 19/07/2025 15:30

Panther40 · 19/07/2025 14:57

I see what you mean, but she says it before I've even replied if that makes sense.

So for example the text said, my washing machine broke today, that was really annoying. I hope yours never does that!

Tbh if it were me, I just wouldn’t acknowledge the annoying part that she always tags on at the end. So instead of saying ‘thank you’ just only acknowledge the issue itself eg, ‘sorry that happened, let me know if you need to use mine whilst you get yours sorted’.

Notsosure1 · 19/07/2025 15:27

She seems to be pretty anxious/insecure.

Maybe she feels she needs to references you directly so she isnt just sending you random updates. She may feel she’s bringing you in to the scenario by including you so you’re more likely to respond 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Panther40 · 19/07/2025 14:57

I see what you mean, but she says it before I've even replied if that makes sense.

So for example the text said, my washing machine broke today, that was really annoying. I hope yours never does that!

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 19/07/2025 13:08

If it was a response to you seemingly minimising her plight, then maybe she was a bit annoyed?

Like she says 'my washing machine broke' and you reply with 'oh, I find it really fun washing clothes by hand. It's not that big a deal..'
Then her response could be to try and say 'I don't think you understand my predicament and if it happened to you you wouldn't say that..'

If it's nothing like that and she just says it independently, I'd say it's just a harmless turn of phrase. And she means it sincerely.

ThatNimblePeer · 19/07/2025 12:26

XenoBitch · 17/07/2025 23:52

I would be wondering if she had some underlying anxiety going on... that if she didn't say these things, and they happened to you... it would be her fault. So she says what she does as a way to protect you... if that makes sense?

Yeah this was my thought, I’d wonder if she has OCD and believes she needs to do the ritual of saying this, as otherwise if the bad thing happens to you it’s her fault.

ThatsABitExcessive · 19/07/2025 11:13

steff13 · 19/07/2025 00:33

Ironically, "it's not that deep," could apply to the OP's question.

It's a bit odd but she's wishing you well so I would just say "thank you" or "same" or something like that.

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No it’s annoying when someone says the same stupid phrase over and over again. I have a friend who always says “it’s not good”

eg: “I broke my leg - it’s not good”
“I’ve lost my job, it’s not good”
“See that murder on the news? It’s not good”

of course it’s not fucking “good”

steff13 · 19/07/2025 00:33

TwoPointOh · 18/07/2025 07:23

It just sounds like a habit. My eighteen year old says ‘it’s not that deep’ all the time at the moment. it’s quite annoying.

I’d just say ‘me too’ or something like that.

Ironically, "it's not that deep," could apply to the OP's question.

It's a bit odd but she's wishing you well so I would just say "thank you" or "same" or something like that.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/07/2025 00:33

I’m not sure you know what disingenuous means.

what do think she is meaning by these comments ?

BeenThere2Often · 19/07/2025 00:30

BettyCrockerClinic · 18/07/2025 00:30

I think you’re overthinking it.

I hope no one every overthinks what you say to them…

😁

Spinmerightroundbaby · 18/07/2025 18:39

MidnightScroller · 17/07/2025 22:51

Just sounds like a harmless phrase she’s latched onto! If she’s generally nice and thoughtful I’d just ignore it

This. Only a deeper issue if you try and tell her often how hard your life is and she’s subtly trying to tell you otherwise?

orsino · 18/07/2025 18:06

People do this to emphasize their own trauma in order to garner sympathy! They have a tendency to self-pity, hence the need to highlight their plight! Basically, attention seekers!

PassingStranger · 18/07/2025 10:56

Weird, just tell her, say why do you always say that?

BunnyLake · 18/07/2025 10:41

Isittimeformynapyet · 18/07/2025 01:43

Err, no. Don't be 🪿 silly.

(I love that a goose appeared when I typed silly 😄)

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😅

ThatsABitExcessive · 18/07/2025 10:29

BunnyLake · 18/07/2025 08:57

😂 I just won the lottery, I hope you never win the lottery

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Perfect! 😂

Weekmindedfool · 18/07/2025 09:25

It’s either just a habit or she’s developed a bit of a complex where she feels all the bad stuff happens to her and never to you. So when she’s saying “I hope it never happens to you” she’s secretly meaning “How comes
thisnnever happens to you?” Or worse “It would make her feel better if this would happen to you once in a while”

BunnyLake · 18/07/2025 08:57

ThatsABitExcessive · 17/07/2025 23:16

It’s bizarre and I’d end up laughing everytime she said it

do it back to her!

“I just stood in dog shit, I hope you never stand in dog shit!”

“I forgot to buy a lottery ticket - I hope you never forget to buy a lottery ticket!”

😂 I just won the lottery, I hope you never win the lottery

tuvamoodyson · 18/07/2025 08:55

‘Mmm’ should suffice…

SquishedMallow · 18/07/2025 08:48

My MIL says things like this. I find it irritating too. It's almost as if it translates to "you've got it all rosy, unlike me " or "let's see it happen to you, see if you like it, because you clearly haven't got a clue what it's like " it sounds sort of passive aggressive?

But, in truth, it probably is just a bit of a habit and she doesn't even realise she's really saying it. I'd just retort with "well it did happen to me once actually!" Then swiftly move on the conversation.

nomas · 18/07/2025 08:45

She sounds really empathetic actually. She’s not just focused on herself and is thinking that she doesn’t want this to happen to her friends.

It would be worse if she said ‘I wish they this had happened to someone else, why me’.

Talipesmum · 18/07/2025 08:36

Velmy · 18/07/2025 00:43

I have a colleague that does something similar, and I thought I was the only one!

Whenever we chat about anything negative, whether its disastrous, upsetting or simply unfortunate (eg, war in the Middle East, someone we know has cancer, colleague lost their bank cards), they caveat it with "Hopefully we never experience that" 😅

"Did you see the news? That airstrike killed 30 people in a hospital... hopefully we never experience that."

"Dave's locked out of his work emails...fingers crossed that never happens to us!"

Maybe what’s unsettling about this, and the OP’s friend too, is it seems to imply a sort of feeling that we wouldn’t realise how bad it is unless it actually happens to us. Or perhaps that it’s bad, but would of course be much worse if it happened to us, and that’s the thing we should be wishing for. It brings the focus back to how bad it might be if events might affect us personally, rather than actually empathising with the people involved.

I think by doing this they’re trying to empathise but struggling to go beyond “how would it feel if it happened to me” to “how is it feeling for those other people”.

TwoPointOh · 18/07/2025 07:23

It just sounds like a habit. My eighteen year old says ‘it’s not that deep’ all the time at the moment. it’s quite annoying.

I’d just say ‘me too’ or something like that.

Original poster
Panther40 · 18/07/2025 07:17

I always tell her im sorry to hear that, hope she's ok etc and try to offer advice so not sure what else I can really do!

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 18/07/2025 07:14

Is it bc she thinks you’re not acknowledging it adequately so she’s pointing this out indirectly?

incandescentglow · 18/07/2025 02:10

lol that would get right on my tits i must say

it is a bit strange but also harmless so grit ya teeth and try not to let it wind you up too much

Isittimeformynapyet · 18/07/2025 01:43

raspberryberet7 · 18/07/2025 01:08

You find it strange your friend doesn’t want you to experience unpleasant things that she has????

Err, no. Don't be 🪿 silly.

(I love that a goose appeared when I typed silly 😄)

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