To think people make mistakes but that’s not always a reason to abandon them?

Some things aren’t about the person who made the mistake.

The person who was hurt by the error has to be able to choose their response. If they need to protect themselves from the fear of future errors then they can walk away.

The person who made the mistake isn’t the most important person considered.

Nope.

if someone is violent to you or your child you should walk away and not listen to this bullshit about a state of grace.

you might not get the second chance to walk away.

all very well being in a state of grace if you or your kid is dead.

I can accept an apology if I feel true remorse from someone, but the relationship still might not go back to what it was before they hurt me. (Forgive but not forget.)

Sounds like more guilt tripping bullshit to keep women in bad marriages and bad friendships.

I bet OP is referring to women enforcing boundaries to not get taken advantage of and doesn’t like it for some reason.

I don't know anyone who has cut someone off like that. I, and everyone I know, has only done it when someone repeatedly shows no remorse.

Silly thread and question.

You've acknowledged yourself that it's not 'always' a reason which means you accept sometimes it is.

If it doesn't involve you, you have no idea whether it's a one off mistake or a pattern of 'mistakes'.

This really, I haven't actually met anyone who cut someone off where the "mistakes" weren't a repeating pattern and accountability wasn't there. I usually find people excuse things for a long time till they snap and cut someone off

It depends, one big thing like violence, assault, cheating, stealing then yes walk away immediately. Or lots of small lies, attacks/digs and general poor behaviour. Also depends on the importance, people will put up with much more from their children, partner, parents and siblings than say an acquaintance.

My observation is that people are far more likely to forgive ‘mistakes’ than to jump ship immediately. I find the expectation of forgiveness far more annoying.

Forgiveness is deeply personal and it’s up to the individual.

No. There is something to be said for YOU choosing to forgive someone if you want to.

There's a lot more to be said for absolutely never trying to tell other people how to feel about harmful things that have been done to them because that sort of manipulative and intrusive behaviour can lead to secoundary wounding and can perpetuate abuse.

Coerced forgiveness is nearly always aimed at women, you very rarely hear a man told to just forgive and move on, and all the pointless comments about poisoning yourself and burning yourself are utterly childish and one dimensional.

What's more, trying to coerce, hint at, or push anyone towards resolving things in the way you have chosen is about YOUR comfort level, not theirs and often leads to them digging their heels in due to feeling minimised.

Unless directly invited to comment, leave other adults alone to make their own decisions, as you haven't the tiniest notion of how they feel or what has led them to that decision.

If someone’s genuinely remorseful, takes responsibility, and it wasn’t malicious or part of a repeated pattern, I think there’s room for grace.

I can’t think of anyone I know who’s cut someone off in these circumstances. If it’s happened to you then the person you hurt didn’t believe you took responsibility or were remorseful and recollections vary.

Without specifics this feels a bit vague and pointless. Just fess up.

This is very vague. Everything depends on context.

I think it’s a fallacy to think that the majority of people are cutting people off willy nilly for minor infractions. At least, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t take it seriously. In fact, far more people I know (myself included in the past) have put up with appalling behaviour for too long.

Some things are unforgivable but also, my example is a friend was a complete dick to me last week. She’s not a close friend but the way she spoke to me, I’m not interested in putting any effort in there anymore. It’s not a great loss. Was it a major thing? No but life is too short to tolerate nonsense. She’s not family and I can absolutely live without her.

It’s too vague to say.

Some things are unforgivable.

Op I suspect you have another thread running right now about infidelity. If you have cheated then take the consequences

"Y'all need to find Jesus"

I'd start by cutting off anyone who said that to me in real life.
What about all the bits of the bible that call for people to be killed, tortured etc. if they 'sin'?

Few people expect perfection from a relationship. Most people accept that mistakes happen, people say things they don't mean or underestimate a depth of feeling, and they move on.

But there have to be absolute boundaries too.

On the whole I think people are more forgiving than perhaps they should be.

It also depends if they keep making the same mistakes over and over again. In that case no.

IME people rarely cut someone out of their life for one mistake, unless it's a really big one. Usually there is a straw that breaks the camels back and people finally accept that they have run out of chances to give the person who has fucked up again. You see it in threads here all the time. OP writes an account of something pretty unacceptable and the longer the thread becomes the more obvious it is that what they are posting about is just the tip of the iceberg.

It's less about coldness and more about self preservation.

This is a fundamental premise in most religions. When I read Mumsnetters telling people to go no contact over tiny issues I'm often reminded of our American friends who say "Y'all need to find Jesus". People have forgotten how to forgive. Going no contact sounds rather empowering and freeing until you do it one too many times and end up alone with no social life or support.

This is all very hypothetical.

It depends on the facts, and what the mistake is.

If the mistake is an affair, then no, it shouldn’t be forgiven, even if they’re contrite. Half the time they’re only contrite because they got caught.

Forgetting a birthday - as an isolated incident, fine to forgive.

But mustard comes from the seed of the mustard plant (used by Jesus as an example of something small growing into something big). So factually you can indeed cut it

But you are right and I am going to Google where the saying comes from now.

My parents taught me and my siblings to accept nothing but the best and not to. tolerate any mistreatment. Equally, by commanding respect, we must also behave in such a way that we would not abuse or treat anyone badly.

It’s served us well as we have all been married for decades and chose wisely.