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Original poster

Is this normal these days? RSVP's

34 replies

Thisisntthowisawthisgoing · 17/07/2025 20:29

I'm hosting a party this weekend. Very relaxed thing, we'll be around for the majority of the day, then people can come along whenever suits them. However, there was an 'RSVP by' date as I've planned a buffet lunch. So I asked people to let me know either way by x date, and if yes to let me know how many of them are coming.

15 people/sets of people have been invited:

  • 2 have said yes and sent numbers
  • 2 have declined
  • 9 have said something along the lines of 'oo sounds fun, 'I'll check the calendar', or just sent an emoji but then not followed up with a yay or a nay even though I sent them a brief follow up briefly reminding about the RSVP deadline and asking if they could let me know either way as we'd love to see them
  • 2 haven't said anything at all

I genuinely have zero issues just catering for us and the ones who RSVP'd and not for anyone else, it's not about that, it's more...is this normal now? Just to not let people know either way? I could imagine a few forgot, life is busy etc....but 11 out of 15 suggests that this is just normal and I've missed some sort of manners memo? Also is it now? Or has it always been like this, but I'm only noticing it now?

OP posts:
AppropriateAdult · 18/07/2025 08:25

I suspect the emoji responses are considered to be RSVPs, by the people who sent them…

FortheloveofCheesus · 18/07/2025 08:16

I absolutely hate these people.they want to leave the door open for their child to attend if they have nothing else on but don't want to commit in case they get a better offer. If you "aren't sure what you've got on", you probably haven't actually committed to something else so pick what you are attending and reply.

A few days before specify that any such vague responses are assumed to be a no and you will cater accordingly, they will suddenly all decide.

CoastalCalm · 18/07/2025 08:13

Just ask them directly yes or no

ThejoyofNC · 18/07/2025 08:11

Can't you just text them and ask for a yes or no?

"Hi, doing the shopping for the party so need to know numbers. Will you be coming?"

Zanatdy · 18/07/2025 08:06

I’d just message again saying if you’d like to join for food please let me know by x time

OtterlyMad · 18/07/2025 07:57

I’m getting married next month and I was shocked at how many people had to be reminded multiple times to RSVP! My own bloody father was like, “I don’t need to RSVP do I? You know I’ll be there” (I responded, “that’s fine, I’ll just pop you down for the vegan option…” - amazing how quickly he RSVP’d after that!!)

In your shoes, I wouldn’t cater for them and would send a follow up message saying “sorry you can’t join us” etc. so it’s clear that they shouldn’t just turn up.

Original poster
Thisisntthowisawthisgoing · 17/07/2025 20:41

@Irishpoppy me too!!

I feel a portion will turn up. Just been discussing with DH whether to slightly over cater on the likely off chance we get a few extras, or whether to be a bit more @Brefugee and say 'I'm afraid we haven't factored you into the catering' if anyone arrives. Not sure I could go as far as turning anyone away, but if they arrive hungry (esp as there are young people involved, who let's face it, are always hungry!!) that wouldn't sit well with me.

We're imminently moving house so not even like I can hedge it and freeze the leftovers!

OP posts:
Brefugee · 17/07/2025 20:36

if the ones who are hedging their bets for a better offer show up - tell them to go away because you haven't catered for them?

In the military i learned 2 valuable sentences. One was "nil returns are required" which you can enforce in the military but not in civilian life. The other was "nil returns will be counted as no"

So in future formulate your invitations, give an RSVP date and write something like "if we haven'T received your reply by then, we will assume non-attendance"

Irishpoppy · 17/07/2025 20:33

V similar happened to me recently. Those who didn’t rsvp actually did show up. I would always rsvp…!

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