Ex said he will never forgive me

He's pissed off because you escaped him. As others have said, who gives a shit what he and his family think? They can rot.

I mean, so what?

Oh boohoo, the lion is angry that it's lunch escaped.
Poor lion.

I'm sure his family know damn well fine why you left. Wouldn't be surprised if he's lying about what they think too. Abusers like to tell you the whole world thinks xyz. It's usually bullshit.

Stop talking to him.
Use a parenting ap for any childcare stuff. Personally I'd fight tooth and nail for full custody. Rather than let my kids spend time with an abuser. But it's hard to get it awarded. So just minimise contact..and only communicate via email.

Ok whatever would be my response.

Tell him cheerfully that you're not asking him to forgive you, and that you won't forgive him for his abuse. He's not your problem any more! Congratulations! 🎉

Don’t give him anymore headspace.

If he’s been making.violent threats I would seriously consider leaving before the day-/time he expects you to.

I think id be speaking to a solicitor about parental alienation if he is going to be slagging you off to the children.

So you planned for a year, stashing cash etc, preparing to leave while still playing happy families and then another three months sorting out accommodation prior to telling him.

It's a bit off but what else would you do. Here we'd crucify a man for this sort of deceit, pretending all is fine until they're ready to go. Reality is that's how it works.

You shouldn't care what he thinks. He may feel he's right but you feel you dud what you had to. Move on, he's entitled to never forgive just as you are.

MIL can fuck off though can’t she, it’s probably her fault that her special son was so awful to be in a relationship with.

Well done for making your plans and getting out. 👏 Please be careful and look after yourself.

I also had to plan for many months before I could leave. There was all kinds of abuse involved but the thing that made me to it that way was the financial abuse. I didn't have access to money to actually get out and find somewhere to live. I wouldn't have done it that way if I thought he would have been a reasonable and fair person, but that isn't always the case. He hates my guts, his family even more so I think, but I am three years on now and I can honestly say it doesn't bother me at all what they think of me. Our kids are adults now and neither of us have any contact with him or his side of the family. In the first year or so though I would have such anxiety just thinking about how much they despised me, but suddenly one day all those feelings just went. It will for you too, I'm sure.

Is it the fact that you planned to leave without telling him?

He’s entitled to his opinion. But in your shoes I’d just grey rock him. Don’t talk to him unless it relates to the dc. Do as much via text or email and don’t respond to anything he says about him or your relationship.

as for his family, block on all channels and never speak to them again.

His reaction is another good reason hes an ex

Well done for getting out!
With regards to him and what hes saying, so what??? Don't communicate with himself at all unless it is about the children. Learn the tactic of grey rocking him if he tries to bring anything else up. Let his friends/family believe whatever they want to. Even if you were to tell them the truth, they'd still listen to him anyway. Be thankful and proud you got away

Who cares what he thinks 😊 his opinion is of no importance to you and you dont have to care anymore. Well done OP for planning your successful escape!

One of the utterly wonderful things that happened when I left exDH… I came in to the shared home one morning as I was leaving him, I looked at him passed out on the sofa from the night before and suddenly BING in my head was the thought, “you’re not my problem any more”. Utter relief and clarity.

His opinion now means the square root of fuck all, and he was mostly shit, rather than actually abusive.

Please please stop caring what he thinks, or his mother. They can keep saying it, you can 👍 them.

Just because he’s putting the blame on you, doesn’t mean it’s true and he’s an ex for a reason. His mother will always believe and stick up for him. Abusive people never forgive those that escape their clutches, he’s playing mind games, trying to make out you’re the villain and he’s the victim. You know why, you had to do it in secret, he was abusive and you were scared of him. Zero fucks, how he or his mother thinks about you, it’s no longer your concern.

Who cares what he thinks?

He's not the center of the universe.

You outsmarted him and he's mad. Stay mad, dude.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

It’s weird that you care.

Well he’s your Ex do eho cares what he and his mother think? Stop giving them headspace

Your ex is scum and so is his mother by his account. I would log the run over threat with a non emergency police number (sorry not uk) just in case they start acting more scum like.

Other than that do not give a thought about what they think of you. You did the right thing and are organised, wise and brave.

I don't know any woman who could afford to just walk out on a whim, unless they have affluent and welcoming local parents with two spare rooms. It's completely normal to plan.

I planned for eight months before I could leave my ex. I needed to find a new full time job that would support us, save a deposit, rent a flat, find a full time child minder, acclimatise 2yo ds and make sure he was happy.

Ignore your ex's family. They are just pissed of that you've bruised their boy's ego, and they don't have the opportunity to make your life hell.

Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Sounds like he learned his behaviour from his mother.
You did what you needed to do, and he's angry that you managed to do it all under his nose! His control over you got up and went a long time ago, and he's desperately trying to get it back again.
Treat his opinion with the disdain that it deserves, and make sure that you get everything you're due in the divorce settlement.