Page 8 | Ex said he will never forgive me

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/07/2025 21:23

You don't need to justify here! Jeezus... posters give the same advice every day: get your ducks in a row first.
You did. For good reason. 👏

LurkyMcLurkinson · 17/07/2025 21:21

Let them all think what they want. Tell him you will never forgive him for exposing your children to domestic abuse and forcing you to essentially flee the relationship.

SpryCat · 17/07/2025 21:20

He’s trying to put doubts in your mind, he wants you to think, you will regret leaving him. That once you leave, there is no going back, because he will never forgive you. He's playing mind games, making out he is a good guy instead of the abusive twat that he is! I’m surprised he hasn’t said to you ‘no one will ever love you, as much as I do’. 🤣

jetlag92 · 17/07/2025 21:17

I would send her a letter explaining - she can choose to bin it.

FluffykinsTheFerociousFeralFelineFury · 17/07/2025 21:13

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:52

All he says was that he admits to being a “bit of a dick” but massively downplays how he treated me - it’s all about how I’ve treated him in secretly planning on leaving him and how he can never forgive me. Never mind all the horrible names he’s called me or the violent threats. He keeps saying how much he’s done for me over the years and how he saved my mums life by driving her to the hospital when she was very ill. Of course I’m so grateful for that but it doesn’t cancel out the dreadful things he’s said to me. Words are meaningless he says.

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He keeps saying how much he’s done for me over the years and how he saved my mums life by driving her to the hospital when she was very ill

That is hardly a sign of exceptional virtue. Most people would do the same for a complete stranger!

Hedgehogbrown · 17/07/2025 21:11

Did you take the children with you when you left?

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/07/2025 21:10

The only response to "i will never forgive you" is "OK"

It isnt like it makes a jot of difference is it?!

Tortielady · 17/07/2025 21:09

Don't listen to his self-pitying nonsense @PringlesForMe Having an exit strategy is exactly the right way to go about these things, not that it would be necessary if his behaviour was more reasonable. I hope Departure Day goes as planned. Do you have any back-up, eg a couple of friends or family members with the build and demeanour of a brick outhouse? They would be worth their weight in tea and chocolate digestives if you do. Get one of those apps for parenting pps have mentioned and block your horror-show ex and his treasure of a mother

cloudyblueglass · 17/07/2025 21:05

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:33

For secretly planning to leave him for a year. Saving money, getting a house and furniture sorted etc. I told him I wanted to separate but it did take 3 months more to get my house sorted etc, His family absolutely hate my guts and say how two faced I am, I’m a villain in his families eyes. Big reasons I had to do what I did which was a result of how Ex was treating me and speaking to me. He was verbally abusive and could be very nasty, also very nice and generous. I am now treated like I’ve ran off with another man and abandoned my children. Ex says how two faced I was when he would talk about our future and retirement etc.

MIL wants my head on a stick (jokes 💀)

And now you don’t have to put up with this bullshit. Block - all of them.

ExtraOnions · 17/07/2025 21:03

I’m confused, you are moving out .. leaving the children at the family home, and will then come to a custody arrangement - or are you taking the children with you ?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 17/07/2025 21:02

BigFatLiar · 17/07/2025 20:35

So you planned for a year, stashing cash etc, preparing to leave while still playing happy families and then another three months sorting out accommodation prior to telling him.

It's a bit off but what else would you do. Here we'd crucify a man for this sort of deceit, pretending all is fine until they're ready to go. Reality is that's how it works.

You shouldn't care what he thinks. He may feel he's right but you feel you dud what you had to. Move on, he's entitled to never forgive just as you are.

I’d hope no one would crucify a man for doing this if he were in an abusive relationship, which the OP is.

ShallIstart · 17/07/2025 21:02

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:52

All he says was that he admits to being a “bit of a dick” but massively downplays how he treated me - it’s all about how I’ve treated him in secretly planning on leaving him and how he can never forgive me. Never mind all the horrible names he’s called me or the violent threats. He keeps saying how much he’s done for me over the years and how he saved my mums life by driving her to the hospital when she was very ill. Of course I’m so grateful for that but it doesn’t cancel out the dreadful things he’s said to me. Words are meaningless he says.

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I mean, anyone that didnt drive another human to the hospital when they were very sick would be some sort of phsychopath. Thats just being a semi decent human so he can stick that one up his arse.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 17/07/2025 21:01

Do you care?

SheridansPortSalut · 17/07/2025 21:00

"Here we'd crucify a man for this sort of deceit, pretending all is fine until they're ready to go. Reality is that's how it works.Reality is that's how it works.""

The difference is that men tend do it to protect their assets. Women do it to protect themselves and their children.

Takenoprisoner · 17/07/2025 21:00

Sodthesystem · 17/07/2025 20:47

You should go now.

It's most dangerous when they know you are planning to leave.

Best case scenario he will sabotage things on the day. Worst case scenario, he could hurt you.

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Agree with this op, especially in light of his running you over with his car comment. This man could turn dangerous.

JustSawJohnny · 17/07/2025 20:59

Let him.

Let them.

Focus on yourself and your future and ignore all of the shit.

Not your problem any more.

Did you post here about him here before when he was being a shit? Cus you could always send them all a link to the thread and let know what the vipers think of his sorry ass 😁

VeryAwkwardForMe · 17/07/2025 20:59

Let them say and think what they want. They were going to spin the narrative to make you into a villian anyway weren't they? It doesn't matter

If you'd of come on here and asked for advice, most posters would of told you to get your ducks in a row. Which is exactly what you did. You've done nothing wrong

Edited to add* it's too late now but you shouldn't of told him you were leaving until you left. This is the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship. Stay safe

Takenoprisoner · 17/07/2025 20:58

BigFatLiar · 17/07/2025 20:35

So you planned for a year, stashing cash etc, preparing to leave while still playing happy families and then another three months sorting out accommodation prior to telling him.

It's a bit off but what else would you do. Here we'd crucify a man for this sort of deceit, pretending all is fine until they're ready to go. Reality is that's how it works.

You shouldn't care what he thinks. He may feel he's right but you feel you dud what you had to. Move on, he's entitled to never forgive just as you are.

Absurd post.

It's definitely not 'a bit off' that she planned to leave in this way, not everyone can afford to leave immediately. And with an abusive man, how else was she going to do it?

Looking at the stats re domestic violence against women, and the fact that there IS an abusive man involved, I really don't think you can in any way compare this to if the sexes were reversed.

mumda · 17/07/2025 20:57

Keep a log of what he says and when. Speak to your local police to record it.

honeylulu · 17/07/2025 20:55

Well his horrible attitude and his mothers horrible attitude just shows you that you were right to decide to leave.

Also, have a think about this ... if you were as awful and despicable as they are making out, why isn't he glad you're going? He's awful not you.

SheridansPortSalut · 17/07/2025 20:54

You don't need his forgiveness.

SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 17/07/2025 20:50

Detach
DETACH
and then detach some more.

Do whatever it takes to lead your best life.
And stay detached…

Original poster

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 20:49

BigFatLiar · 17/07/2025 20:35

So you planned for a year, stashing cash etc, preparing to leave while still playing happy families and then another three months sorting out accommodation prior to telling him.

It's a bit off but what else would you do. Here we'd crucify a man for this sort of deceit, pretending all is fine until they're ready to go. Reality is that's how it works.

You shouldn't care what he thinks. He may feel he's right but you feel you dud what you had to. Move on, he's entitled to never forgive just as you are.

It was a year of planning to leave after horrible behaviour from him towards me and the children. We had 3 months living together after I asked him for a separation.

OP posts:

exhaustedbeinghappy · 17/07/2025 20:48

As PP have said, what he (or his family) think is not your problem any more. All that matters is you and your DC, so your only obligation is to be be civil when communicating with him about them.

I’ve been listening to a song of Spotify lately - All your lies by Dean Lewis, very apt lyrics

I don't care, tell them what you want to
You can paint me how you like
And after everything we've been through
Do you really wanna sell your soul tonight?
Well go ahead and chase those flashing lights
So I'm gonna run for the hills
I'm not gonna say goodbye
You can tell all your friends
Whatever makes you feel alright
I just wanna get away
I'm gonna leave tonight
'Cause I'm just getting so damn
Sick of trying to find the truth inside
All your lies

Sodthesystem · 17/07/2025 20:47

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 20:19

No, I did tell him properly - that was a few months ago and we’ve been living together ever since. I’m leaving this weekend.

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You should go now.

It's most dangerous when they know you are planning to leave.

Best case scenario he will sabotage things on the day. Worst case scenario, he could hurt you.