Ex said he will never forgive me

I feel as though I should have the words "As usual, the first reply nails it" put on a hot key on my computer.

If YOU would crucify a man for planning to leave in secret because his much stronger partner had threated him with violence, then shame on you, but don't assume we all have such views.

OP you've freed yourself from him physically, now allow yourself to be free of him mentally, make a choice to stop caring about what he thinks.

You don't need his forgiveness as you haven't done anything wrong.
He should be on his fucking KNEES asking for yours.

So he's upset you planned your escape in secret...

Classic narcissist behaviour, twisting it round so it’s all on you. As a mum, if my son acted the way he did I’d be mortified, yes he’s my son but I defo wouldn’t be making you out to be the villain.

Please take his threats seriously. What if he hurts the children to punish you?

People are allowed to leave marriages and relationships whenever they want, and the other person and their family are allowed to be upset. Tis life. Too many people treat relationship breakups like someone has to be the victim and the other the perpetrator. Good on you for leaving BTW you should never have to put up with abuse.

She said upthread that they'll share custody.

Still weird that you care so much, OP. You did what you needed to do. They were always going to react to that.

You don't need his forgiveness so it's irrelevant. It does sound as though you will need to grey rock him and his family.

Well done for making the break, good luck with the move. Make sure you have someone with you though for your safety.

He's just mad because he didn't spot it at the time. Abusers pride themselves on knowing every move you make.

Who cares? He's got to re write the narrative to paint you as a villain somehow, this is all he's got. Never speak to his abusive mother or any of his family again, and only talk to him through a parenting app, assuming you have kids, problem solved.

Good luck at moving out at the weekend

Why do you need him to forgive you? If he was as hideous as your post implies i absolutely wouldn’t care if he won’t forgive me or his family hating me, I’d be thanking my lucky stars!

Why are you even talking to him?

Communicate via text for childcare arrangements only. That’s it.

Well done for leaving. Forget what they think. Live your best life and if he has regrets that’s his problem. I doubt you just left randomly without thought so I’m sure he had his chance. Best of luck to you op and I hope you do something to celebrate 💕

Good. So he won't be hassling you to stay with him then.

He is trying emotional blackmail. Ignore it.

Tell him you "won't forgive him for (insert an example or 2) either, so now we are even". Use a different example every time he says it.

Yeah, this.

How you left should indicate to him and everyone the type of person he really is. Tell his mother to give her head a wobble if she manages to contact you.

Do they know your address?

You’ve done nothing wrong.

You aren’t obliged to be in a relationship with anyone, let alone someone who is a nasty piece of work.

The reality is, it’s hard to leave. Sometimes you need to make a plan before announcing it. That’s just life.

A reminder that you never need to speak to his mum again. Ever. Him you only need to speak to about child related stuff until your kids are more grown up.

They’re all the same. My abusive ExH’s parents used to tell me to leave him, they didn’t know why I put up with him, etc. His own dad once held him up against a wall and threatened to put him through it if he ever heard him talking to me in such an awful way again, and they only saw 1% of the abuse.

Yet as soon as I left him he was husband/father of the decade and I was an evil bitch for breaking up the family. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Bugger them. Let go of what they say, it really doesn’t matter to you anymore. Your future is about to get so much brighter. Well done and lots of good luck to you and your children. x

OP, please stop communicating with him about this.

You left him for a reason. Very good reasons. You do not have to justify leaving him or the way you did it.

You did a great job with you planning it. Had you done a sudden flit you would have left yourself insecure , had you told him he would have sabotaged you, made sure you had no savings etc.

So what if he never forgives you? It’s not like you want to go back to him!

So what if he won’t admit his abusive behaviour? If he was like that he probably wouldn’t have been abusive in the first place.

You did a strong thing leaving, you were very sensible the way you planned it.

Look forwards, not back

Yet another mummy’s boy.
You've got to put yourself and your children first.
MIL is no loss from the sound of it.
Well done for getting out.

More women should leave that way.

if the ex can’t get over it, it doesn’t matter. Safety is paramount.

Even in a reasonably decent divorce, living together after announcing rarely goes smoothly. You actually did him a favor because it meant he was free to go through the stages of grief without having to hide his feelings from you.

But of course they will hate you, you deceitfully plotted to leave, it may have been for the best but none the less they will, rightly from their point of view, see you as deceitful and have nothing but disdain for you. You can't really expect any other reaction, it's inevitable - but then why worry about what they think??

He has admitted he was a bit of a dick. And given you were getting your ducks in a row for over a year. Then it must be obvious to him that he was a bit of a dick to you for over a year.

What did he expect was going to happen. I am struggling to believe that it was a big surprise that you weren’t going to stick around.

Given his mothers behaviour both of them need therapy to come to terms with the fact he isn’t that great that he can treat people appallingly and expect them to stick around

His mother needs to get a life