Ex said he will never forgive me

My ex told me over 20 years ago he was going to spend the rest of his life making me miserable. Just because I wouldn't take him back after cheating. Who cares he's tried a few times but can't really do anything to hurt me.

Why are you telling him stuff? Keep your own counsel. He isn't your friend.

Agree.

That is just the maddest take.

Women are advised to be cautious in how they escape an abusive relationship. They are most in danger during that period.

How did you expect they’d react? Invite you round for dinner the next weekend?

And you could turn round and say “and I’ll never forgive you for what you said and how you treated me so here we are”

Put him and his mother in your rear view mirror and enjoy your new peaceful life.

oh well

I think since you’re living together you just say calmly it was because of the violent threats you made, try not to threaten your next partner with x and maybe they wont have to make secret plans to leave.
if it comes up again you say I agree it’s very regrettable you threatened me.

Good luck for the weekend.
I hope he doesn't but please be prepared for him to completely flip and be totally nasty or angry.
Do you have someone who can be physically there with you and help you move?

"Ignore any communication unless it's about the children would be my attitude". You've done so well planning and moving out.

Focus on your new life and what it can give you: safety security and freedom. He is pulling his full weaponary (digs, family etc) at this stage and do not waiver. Focus on why you are moving and what he has done for you to make these moves ,(which are not at all easy).

Only engage or talk to him in text or email where the kids are concerned.

I agree with PP’s that the best thing you can do is move forward with your life and ignore the lot of them.

Having said that, how would you feel if this happens to one of your children when they’re older @PringlesForMe ? Most parents are instinctively on their adult child’s side and his Mum will have heard only his version of events.

If I’m totally honest, I expect I’d be angry with their partner, esp. if I’m not aware of my adult child’s toxic.behavior in the relationship.

Are you taking your children with you OP?

You played it smart and good on you for doing so. Don’t ever doubt you did the right thing.

My (male) partner has seen a lot of scary domestic situations. He believes a woman should never tell a man directly she’s leaving him as it’s just not worth the risk. If I wanted to split I would just tell him, but he’s said before he’d completely understand if I left a note and vanished as some women we know have done. Anyone with sense and compassion would understand why you went about it the way you did, your safety always comes first whether it’s a 99% chance he flips out or a 1% chance.

He sounds like the type to be so caught up in himself that you telling him you would be leaving probably came as a massive shock to the system, right

Look, you'd probably be upset too if you'd found out that he'd stashed a load of money, sorted new accommodation etc...basically planned a new life without telling you. And if you'd come on here and posted that, you'd have been told that he was 100% cheating on you and that he was a horrible, devious prick... essentially everything that his family thinks about you now, because they've only heard one side of the story.

But you know the truth and that's all that matters. So fuck him and his family.

Fuck him. Fuck them. Fuck the horses they rode in on. Go and live happily ever after.

This. And see if you can get a relative or friend to be with you for your safety. Maybe he doesn't think you will go through with it at the last moment and try to stop you.

As is so often the case, the first post says all that needs to be said!

Tell him that you don't forgive him for the abuse and you couldn't give a shiny shite whether he forgives you or not.

Poor baby, how sad. Can't believe his whipping boy had the audacity to leave him. I hope the rage kills him.

Who cares what they think? You know the truth, and your ex knows this. Well done for following through.

Yeah he's just so messed up in the head he can't take accountability for his own actions and has to make you the monster.

I can tell you from experience - no point trying to explain yourself to him. If he was able to take on any criticism and change you wouldn't be here in the first place would you?

Learn to shrug him off and just keep moving forward without him. You won't know yourself once you're gone and that weight is lifted, and the quicker you find a way to stop giving a shit what he says and thinks the better your life will be.

My first husband often told me while we were together how tough life is 'out there', how hard I would find it to cope on my own. How single women struggle.
I later found out he'd told my friends that I was emotionally unstable and couldn't cope with normal life stresses. Actually I found living with his obsessive and controlling requirements very stressful. Financial abuse and isolating me.
After we separated I lived alone for some years, had a career and bought some real estate, repartnered and remarried, and have a small but solid groups of friends.

His behaviour spiralled and he began being ostracised by sporting groups he'd been involved with; he got so weird he lost his job, and he has never repartnered. I see him around town sometimes, dirty and dishevelled and he is almost friendless now.
Never regretted leaving him.