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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex said he will never forgive me

242 replies

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:33

For secretly planning to leave him for a year. Saving money, getting a house and furniture sorted etc. I told him I wanted to separate but it did take 3 months more to get my house sorted etc, His family absolutely hate my guts and say how two faced I am, I’m a villain in his families eyes. Big reasons I had to do what I did which was a result of how Ex was treating me and speaking to me. He was verbally abusive and could be very nasty, also very nice and generous. I am now treated like I’ve ran off with another man and abandoned my children. Ex says how two faced I was when he would talk about our future and retirement etc.

MIL wants my head on a stick (jokes 💀)

OP posts:
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PyongyangKipperbang · 25/07/2025 00:45

BigFatLiar · 24/07/2025 23:25

No reason men shouldn't have their own hidden fund if they want to leave with the children.

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IME more men have secret stashes than women and its not the leave with the kids, its to leave with the younger mistress and not pay the ex or the kids a single fucking penny.

But that him "protecting his money" according to a certain kind of man. When a woman does it, its heinous and dishonest.

BigFatLiar · 24/07/2025 23:25

Serpentstooth · 24/07/2025 19:08

While people like you have influence over women SpamHawk there will always be need for Fuck Off Funds. Hurrah for them. Go to it women.

No reason men shouldn't have their own hidden fund if they want to leave with the children.

Serpentstooth · 24/07/2025 19:08

While people like you have influence over women SpamHawk there will always be need for Fuck Off Funds. Hurrah for them. Go to it women.

NewbieYou · 24/07/2025 13:46

He doesn’t need to forgive you. You did what you had to do with the situation at the time.

echt · 24/07/2025 04:17

This reply has been deleted

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The first reference to a Fuck Off fund that I've encountered was in one of EF Benson's Lucia novels 1920 - 1939, though I can't remember which, where such fund was seen as entirely proper for any woman. A memory is surfacing now, possibly Miss Mapp.

The point is there was no authorial condemnation. EF Benson was a man, if this helps.

We're not guys, BTW. Try people. Given that you're trying to make some kind of point about women's behaviour, it's a bit rich to describe us as men.

MuckFusk · 24/07/2025 01:28

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/07/2025 00:19

You took a wrong turn from the RedPill/Incel site mate.....

We will stop talking about Fuck Off Funds when your lot stop being hitty, rapey and murdery.

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I just noticed the username. That one is a repeat offender at this sort of thing.

MuckFusk · 24/07/2025 01:25

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Are you kidding? That shit is all over Reddit and much worse than that. There's open hatred and desire to do violence to women. That's why women need Fuck Off Funds. Wake up and join the real world.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/07/2025 00:19

SpamHawk · 23/07/2025 19:42

Sounds like he should have been more worried about her then she should have been about him. They both sound childish. Only she's caused actual tangable damage then come on an online forum to get her tummy rubbed and made to feel OK about it.

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You took a wrong turn from the RedPill/Incel site mate.....

We will stop talking about Fuck Off Funds when your lot stop being hitty, rapey and murdery.

SpamHawk · 23/07/2025 19:45

This reply has been deleted

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SpamHawk · 23/07/2025 19:42

cloudyblueglass · 21/07/2025 22:05

It sounds like you are unable to recognise abusive patterns of behaviour.

Abusive or not - if a person is worried about h about their safety they have every right to plan an exit that works for them.

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Sounds like he should have been more worried about her then she should have been about him. They both sound childish. Only she's caused actual tangable damage then come on an online forum to get her tummy rubbed and made to feel OK about it.

AppUser · 23/07/2025 06:59

Why do you care what he and his family think? It's good that you left, and the way you did it was the safest way. He and his mum are just upset that you'd outsmarted them and got away.
I hope your children are with you, and not with him.

Pinkdhalia · 22/07/2025 14:57

Well done for planning your safe exit. You've taken yourself away from a domestic situation. Nothing is as painful as a split between a couple. You avoided that. Planning is half the problem you dealt with that in a mature way. Enjoy your peace and don't bother with his parents reactions. They didn't care about you when their son was verbally abusing you. Take a deep breath and now enjoy your future.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/07/2025 10:42

Just smile and wave and bin the comments OP. Or say soothingly "you are probably right"... to every stupid comment to decant any attempts at starting an argument or kicking off, whilst inwardly laughing your head off. "Muw hoo ha ha"

Don't give him any excuses to put a spoke in the wheel.

Wishing you a weekend where your move goes very smoothly and best wishes for your new era.

Marosanne · 22/07/2025 08:26

Good for you OP, ignore the haters. Safety first!

Original poster
PringlesForMe · 22/07/2025 08:20

JHound · 22/07/2025 00:35

How?

She was completely dependent on him. You want her to tell him and THEN prepare? Risking her safety?

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I tried to leave him twice before but with no plan at all in place. He would go stay with him Mum for a few weeks after he behaved very badly but there would be no real plan in place. It always ended up with him coming back and us trying to work things out, until the next time he would behave horribly. I would kick myself as to why I had him back. I did feel like I had to do something extreme if I was to ever leave for good.

OP posts:
Original poster
PringlesForMe · 22/07/2025 08:15

fateisdestined2025 · 21/07/2025 23:35

I’m really proud of you OP. When you say got your own place do you mean renting? I always worry if things go wrong and I have a house we’d have to split it 50/50.

also the fuck off fund how much do people save and how do you make sure it’s not split…

It’s a housing association property - “new” build (10 years old) but in great condition.

OP posts:
JHound · 22/07/2025 00:35

SpamHawk · 19/07/2025 17:51

This forum is so toxic. A lot of people on here must be so unhappy. There is a lot of terrible advice. Planning ti leave for months is horrible

How?

She was completely dependent on him. You want her to tell him and THEN prepare? Risking her safety?

JHound · 22/07/2025 00:32

HAB75 · 19/07/2025 12:24

Pretending that we are perfect is not the effective way to reach genuine equality. It was that pathetic trait that finally confirmed to women that men were not the stronger sex. Why would we adopt the same weakness?

You are also missing the obvious. A lot of these molly coddling mothers of that generation were actively anti-feminist. I would question leaping to their defences in the way you have.

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The first rule of misogyny - women are responsible for everything men do.

JHound · 22/07/2025 00:29

I would not give one single F in Fville what any of them think.

fateisdestined2025 · 21/07/2025 23:35

I’m really proud of you OP. When you say got your own place do you mean renting? I always worry if things go wrong and I have a house we’d have to split it 50/50.

also the fuck off fund how much do people save and how do you make sure it’s not split…

Elektra1 · 21/07/2025 23:17

Either you’ve patched it up or you haven’t. Sounds like you haven’t.

MuckFusk · 21/07/2025 22:45

T1Dmama · 21/07/2025 08:42

@SpamHawk - she hasn’t left the kids with him though! You’ve completely twisted the narrative to suit your judgement of OP!

What she ACTUALLY said was that her mother in law was treating her with the kind of contempt you’d expect IF she’d upped and left kids with him…

OP felt scared enough to need to plan in secret, needed to save up (financially) in secret. Had she told him a year ago of her plans he could’ve restricted money keeping her trapped. She’d also have had to put up with the behaviour he’s displaying now for a whole year! What torture for OP. She’s done very well planning her exit.
well done OP

That's the kind of person who will always believe an abused woman is lying, so of course s/he will invent alternative facts to support his/her beliefs.

MuckFusk · 21/07/2025 22:32

Newbigginboy · 19/07/2025 20:20

IMHO every woman should have a fuck off fund. The stats show women are usually worse off financially when a relationship ends, and if Mr sweet dreams turns out to be Mr Coercive nightmare you can leave at a time of your own choosing. (Notwithstanding all other circumstances)

Absolutely agree with the fuck off fund.

MuckFusk · 21/07/2025 22:27

Swiftie1878 · 19/07/2025 10:39

He’s gaslighting you.

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Co-signed.

MuckFusk · 21/07/2025 22:24

SpamHawk · 19/07/2025 17:51

This forum is so toxic. A lot of people on here must be so unhappy. There is a lot of terrible advice. Planning ti leave for months is horrible

You know what sounds unhappy and toxic? A person who gets pleasure from attacking strangers on the internet and supporting their abusers. That's sick. Get some help.

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