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Original poster

Nanny Dilemma

286 replies

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 18:20

I feel terrible for bring this problem to here, I have no children of my own so I would like some advice from other mothers.

So....

I am currently Nanny to a 12 year old boy, this is my sixth year working with this family, they are lovely people and I am really enjoy being part of their family and they've always treated me very well.

Now the Dilemma is Mum & Dad want to take a 12 day holiday alone and they've asked if I could take care of their son in the meanwhile. I have never minded helping them out in the past, a few days here and there, I don't feel as if they realise that I have a life of my own, and them dragging me away from it can be a huge inconvenience at times.

I find it very hard to say no, simple reason he is the most sweetest child you'd ever come across, and he has always been an absolute pleasure to take care of.

It seems like Mum & Dad do not want him or only want him with them when it's convenient for them i.e family events etc, they haven't attended parents evening for years, it's always been left down to me, which I don't mind, but I just can't comprehend why they don't feel the need to have any input in his school life or his life in general.

During the last couple of months there has been a few times when he has randomly expressed that he hates his Mum & Dad, I have never asked him why, because I don't feel as if it is my business or my right to question him further, and he is at that age children tend to start expressing themselves. I just tell him that they love him very much and then change the subject.

I feel as they believe showering him with the most expensive gifts, ludicrous clothing brands and the latest gadgets makes up for the time unspent with him and I just can't understand why they don't want to bring him along with them on their holiday.

I had made plans and now I feel as if it's my only option to cancel them, if I say no I am instantly going to feel guilty and they will probably try and palm him off with someone else, he should not be made to feel unwanted.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 21:48

JMSA · 17/07/2025 21:41

Does he have anyone to talk to?
You sound lovely OP and he’s lucky to have you. However he tried to confide in you about his feelings and you shut him down. I’m not blaming you, but I worry that he’ll be storing problems for further down the line if he doesn’t have an outlet.
This goes way beyond the holiday issue.

I don't think he does, he only has his friends.

OP posts:
MissHollysDolly · 17/07/2025 21:45

Professionally, of course you shouldn’t rearrange. But at a human level, I think I’d want to. Poor lad.

JMSA · 17/07/2025 21:44

Oh and I would cancel your plans. It shouldn’t be your problem but unfortunately it is 😞

JMSA · 17/07/2025 21:41

Does he have anyone to talk to?
You sound lovely OP and he’s lucky to have you. However he tried to confide in you about his feelings and you shut him down. I’m not blaming you, but I worry that he’ll be storing problems for further down the line if he doesn’t have an outlet.
This goes way beyond the holiday issue.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 21:36

Enigma53 · 17/07/2025 21:31

Goodness, how heartbreaking.

Seems they are taking advantage of you. Your time is your time, not to holiday with your employers child.

Does he have any friends?

I think you will have to stand your ground @BlankStreetMatcha otherwise you will forever be at their mercy, until you leave.

He has lots of friends, he is very popular.

OP posts:
Enigma53 · 17/07/2025 21:31

Goodness, how heartbreaking.

Seems they are taking advantage of you. Your time is your time, not to holiday with your employers child.

Does he have any friends?

I think you will have to stand your ground @BlankStreetMatcha otherwise you will forever be at their mercy, until you leave.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 21:22

Enigma53 · 17/07/2025 20:38

This makes really sad reading. Haven’t they attended any school appointments or activities?

I would say no. They are the child’s parents, you are the nanny.

What an absolute cheek!

The Father just doesn't seem interested and Mother is always busy.

It's just not school appointments, it's all appointments e.g doctors/dentist etc

There was a situation last year where he wasn't feeling too good during the night, he went into his parents room and his Father got annoyed so he knocked on my bedroom door, he had a very high temperature so I took him to A&E just to be on the safe side.

There had previously been a situation a few years prior, he wasn't feeling well for the whole day, it was the end of the day and I was getting ready to leave. His Mother had put him on the sofa in the living room to keep a close eye on him, something told me to go back to the house, when I returned he was fitting, because his temperature had got so high and she didn't even realise because she was pre-occupied. Since that incident, anytime he has a high temperature I stay by him and monitor him, and if it gets too high we go to A&E.

OP posts:
MissMoan · 17/07/2025 21:06

Hazey19 · 17/07/2025 19:38

Poor boy. He’s lucky to have you x

Absolutely agree. @BlankStreetMatcha you sound truly lovely, and the boy clearly sees that. So sorry for your dilemma. I hope the parents start to pay attention to their DS before it is too late.

BIossomtoes · 17/07/2025 21:04

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/07/2025 19:06

Weird that they don’t have anyone else who can have him for some of those days. Why not counter with 5 or 7 days instead of 12?

Isn’t that why they employ a nanny? There wouldn’t be much point for a 12 year old boy if they had to scrabble around looking for childcare.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 21:01

madaboutpurple · 17/07/2025 20:38

OP you are such a kind person. I am so upset for the young boy .Would it be worth asking him where he would like to go for a holiday and then the rich parents could pay the charges for you to take him.?

I am going to ask him where he would like to go/visit, they'd have no issue with this.

OP posts:
Enigma53 · 17/07/2025 21:00

yallahbye · 17/07/2025 20:58

I suspect these are what they call Ultra High Net Worth people a.k.a. stinking rich 😄
They often have children with no emotions attached and shove them off to a boarding school at the earliest possible occasion. They basically want heirs to their fortune.

Show quote history

Sounds like you might be right.
It’s so sad.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 21:00

dijonketchup · 17/07/2025 20:36

As it seems like money is no object, could you offer to go with them on the holiday at your normal rates?

You could say that a) you are not comfortable them being so far away from their child in the event of an emergency with no near relatives to contact and b) you are concerned about the effect of such a long separation on him.

If I were to go with them, they'd go off together and leave me to tend to their son, they've done it before.

OP posts:
yallahbye · 17/07/2025 20:58

Enigma53 · 17/07/2025 20:42

This! It’s mind blowing!

Show quote history

I suspect these are what they call Ultra High Net Worth people a.k.a. stinking rich 😄
They often have children with no emotions attached and shove them off to a boarding school at the earliest possible occasion. They basically want heirs to their fortune.

Enigma53 · 17/07/2025 20:42

BasicBrumble · 17/07/2025 19:58

They don't go to parents evenings?! What must the school think?

Half surprised social services aren't involved given that his parents don't seem to parent.

This! It’s mind blowing!

Enigma53 · 17/07/2025 20:38

This makes really sad reading. Haven’t they attended any school appointments or activities?

I would say no. They are the child’s parents, you are the nanny.

What an absolute cheek!

madaboutpurple · 17/07/2025 20:38

OP you are such a kind person. I am so upset for the young boy .Would it be worth asking him where he would like to go for a holiday and then the rich parents could pay the charges for you to take him.?

dijonketchup · 17/07/2025 20:36

As it seems like money is no object, could you offer to go with them on the holiday at your normal rates?

You could say that a) you are not comfortable them being so far away from their child in the event of an emergency with no near relatives to contact and b) you are concerned about the effect of such a long separation on him.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 20:30

AlertCat · 17/07/2025 20:25

If he says again that he hates his parents, just ask him “what makes you say that?” and see what comes up. Open question, and it doesn’t shut him down, invalidate his feelings, or lead him towards any particular answer.

Presumably nannies have safeguarding training and someone to go to if a child does make a disclosure? Emotional neglect/abuse is still neglect/abuse.

Yes, I think I will ask the next time it comes up.

I think he is starting to realise that other parents are much more involved in their childs lives, and he is an only child as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 20:28

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/07/2025 20:25

Are you a live in or daily nanny ?

If live in, of course you look after your charge whilst the parents are on holiday.

If live out, then clearly they need to pay you considerably more to cover all the extra hours.

I am daily, I have my own bedroom at their house I sleep over at least twice a week, due to them not coming home at a reasonable hour and it just doesn't make sense for me to go home.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 17/07/2025 20:28

Bloomin' hell, poor kid.

It's not up to you to undo the harm caused by their dreadful parenting, but if you do want to do this, I'd take him somewhere in the UK (holiday park etc.) with lots of activities and other kids.

AlertCat · 17/07/2025 20:25

If he says again that he hates his parents, just ask him “what makes you say that?” and see what comes up. Open question, and it doesn’t shut him down, invalidate his feelings, or lead him towards any particular answer.

Presumably nannies have safeguarding training and someone to go to if a child does make a disclosure? Emotional neglect/abuse is still neglect/abuse.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/07/2025 20:25

Are you a live in or daily nanny ?

If live in, of course you look after your charge whilst the parents are on holiday.

If live out, then clearly they need to pay you considerably more to cover all the extra hours.

Anna20MFG · 17/07/2025 20:24

Delatron · 17/07/2025 20:19

His lovely nature is probably down to you - if you’ve been the main carer for six years. That’s a long time at a crucial age.

I would agree with this

RareDeer · 17/07/2025 20:23

I’d say no, to be honest. You’ve made plans and it’s not fair for you to rearrange them simply because they’ve asked. They sound like twats. If you rearrange for them the. You’re telling them they can treat you this way and you will always do it because you care so much for their son.

Sirmagoo · 17/07/2025 20:23

IlovePhilMitchell · 17/07/2025 19:06

I think your post is quite outing if the mother reads mumsnet.

Seems unlikely she would, the way she is described, And if she were to read it...the truth hurts, so be it.