Nanny Dilemma

You sound absolutely lovely OP.

I really feel for this poor boy. The lack of care from his parents when he has been unwell is worrying as is his comments about hating his parents.

I would say that this is a possible safeguarding issue. Any decent school who knew about this would raise it with SS. Is he telling people at school? Have his friends or friends’ parents picked up on the situation?

BTW even fee paying schools have ‘undesirables’ on their roll.

As to what you should do in this situation, it may be better to go with them, you may be looking after him all the time but they will be ultimately responsible for him.

Good luck.

This is so very sad. I can’t offer any advice, but I read recently about a couple in New York, from very wealthy families, who literally moved into another apartment once their twins were born, to have them cared for 24/7 by nannies.

I’ll always remember the example of Winston Churchill - he was ‘deposited’ in a grand house in London as a very young child, while his parents remained in the US, and was basically brought up by staff. No wonder he suffered from depression..

So say "I'm a bit concerned about J. I think it's quite hard for him to have you go on holiday without him. I'm picking up a lot of sadness when he sees his other friends having family holidays. I wonder if there might be an opportunity for you to have a short trip that you enjoy as a family of three?"

(And no, you won't be going with them because he needs to connect with them, and you tell them that)

Incredible as other posters have said some people shouldn't have children, they are just an inconvenience.
There was a similar post a few months ago where the mother was going away with the new bf, the child was young and missed the mother terribly and counting the day until her DM was back, very sad

Why not? You are the one looking after him, take him abroad somewhere you would both enjoy.

It just gets too much for me sometimes, it almost feels like he is my child. I have had relationships break down because of it,

This is SO unhealthy and I'm amazed that no-one else has picked up on it. It's as if you are not a person on your own right. You've never had a break from your job for more than four days. You've lost more than one relationship because of this. You are seriously going to cancel your own holiday plans for these people. To them you are just a handy robot that they can program with every single element of parenting. And you're letting them do it, at a cost to your own personal life and relationships.

As a nanny you should be communicating with the parents about your charge's needs. Yet you're afraid to do so. That is how you're letting him down. Not by saying to his parents 'sorry but I have already made plans, and no I'm not prepared to shelve them for you'.

Please do give him opportunity to talk about this. He needs help, poor boy. So glad for him that be has you.

In your situation
I'd get them to book you both a holiday abroad that you would both enjoy at the same time they are away .
Somewhere you don't have to cook ,with things to do for his age and a pool .
Well if they are offering,that's what I'd do

I imagine he will vote with his feet at 16 and they’ll find it’s far too late to parent him, or do anything other than pay for his choices.

Do his school understand the situation? Worth having a conversation with them if you can. They may have mentoring schemes to put him in touch with another adult who can support him. They probably have counselling available too.

You can't change the parents. You can give the child plenty of opportunities to develop his own skills and close relationships.

You can maybe help him look to places where he might find chosen family in years to come - high level sport, joining the army etc.

I can see the temptation for him when he's a bit older to fall in with people who are up to no good. Assuming there's a lot of money around which makes him a target - does he understand how to not advertise his wealth while walking down the street/ with people he doesn't know well.

Are there aunts/uncles/grandparents you could visit with him?

Also consider that at twelve the social implications of being collected from school by an adult aren't the same as when you're six. Is he at a point when he'd want to try travelling to school by bus?

I’d rearrange on this occasion but make it clear any future events like that, to check dates with you before booking if they expect you to cover. Then if next time they ask you, having booked a holiday, and you are busy, you can just say no.

This is so sad OP.

It sounds like you’re the only real parent to this poor child. Reminds me of Christopher Robin Milne and his attachment to his Nanny.

Have the parents ever discussed how long they expect to employ you?

Not your child though. I think you’re too emotionally involved. You sound so lovely and caring but this isn’t your family or your life and I’d hate to think you’re missing out on your own because of their selfish expectations.

Make sure to also charge them an overnight fee.

Just because you love the child doesn't mean you shouldn't be compensated for your work.

What happens when you take annual leave normally? Do they have anyone else who steps in?

It can’t just be me who’s thinking ‘Matilda’ OP is Miss Honey, they’ll be asking her to adopt him next so they can go off on their holidays! Awful they don’t show him interest, go to parents evening etc. As others have said he’s lucky to have you and you’re lovely for going above and beyond

I'd happily do it for £300 per 24 hours and then take a nice holiday myself afterwards.

It’s up to her. But I know what I would do.

At least he would get a holiday. And perhaps not feel so excluded by his parents going on holiday without him.

Sounds like emotional blackmail to me.
@BlankStreetMatcha will have no life of her own, if she cancels her plans.