Nanny Dilemma

why on earth would you spend your own money on going on holiday?

The parents need to pay for any expenses hotels food travel going out everything

Be sure that you are well paid for this additional childcare. Get a good budget for local activities, taxis and restaurants/cafes. Be sure to get your own paid holidays in place for when the parents return.

There are not many nannies that would want to be a full time Nanny for a 12 year old.

It's boring - the child is at school 5 days a week, and I expect nanny has at least one day off at the weekend.
Yes Independent schools have more holidays than state ones, but it's still a long boring day whilst child is at school.

The parents have created a really dysfunctional situation for all of you, including themselves if they actually want to have a good relationship with their child. They might not realise the damage they are causing until it's too late, when their child's resentment of them is too great. That is their well deserved loss. Unfortunately, nothing you do can make up for their disinterest in their child. He will always know you did what his parents wouldn't.

They are forcing you into a role that is way beyond normal (i.e. attending parents' evenings etc.). It is incredibly kind of you to go along with that, but it isn't sustainable. You can't continue to rarely have holidays. You can't put your life on hold for someone else's child. Won't you want one of your own at some point? What if they decide to move? Would you be prepared to relocate so he has continues to have the stability of you in his life?

I'm thinking having one nanny, an employee who could be dismissed at any time, raise a child is precarious. How would you feel about suggesting that you find and train another part-time nanny who, over time you could trust to fill in for you when their lifestyle makes it difficult to have a life of your own?

Are you a qualified British Nanny - as you do seem to be taken advantage of.

I know the situation pulls at your heart strings, this is so sad, but if you agree once they will always expect it. Give them an inch they take a mile. Don't cancel your plans. At the end of the day the DB your nannying is work, try not to let it become personal. But by all means be there for him and let him lean on you in your work hours x

I am going to ask him where he would like to go, I will not feel comfortable taking him on a airplane but anywhere else will be completely fine, I will use the money that they've paid me

Don't you dare use the money they've paid you! They've offered to pay for a holiday for the two of you, and I'm sure will do so willingly.

Seriously, you don't seem to have a single boundary. You really worry me. This is NOT your child. You are an employee. You need time to have a life of your own. And you DO NOT spend your own money on a peak season UK holiday for someone else's child.

Honestly, I think you need some counselling. If you were my daughter I'd be really worried about you. You seem to have lost all sense of being a person in your own right, who should have her own life outside work.

I am going to ask him where he would like to go, I will not feel comfortable taking him on a airplane but anywhere else will be completely fine, I will use the money that they've paid me.

No, don't do that. You shouldn't be paying the expenses of taking this child on holiday out of the overtime pay you are receiving. Ask the parents to fund the trip.

They sound bloody awful! I understand your dilemma op. They are definitely taking advantage but the poor boy is caught in the middle. Personally, I’d take him away somewhere lovely and get them to pay. And negotiate extra time off (more than 4 days!!) when you get back. You’ve been his nanny for 6 years, you are obviously a very caring, kind and more than competent person. Take him away, you can both get some sun in a new environment. It might distract him from the fact that his parents have ditched him, yet again, and you might enjoy it? You could plan it together.
As an aside, I do not understand why people have children if this is how they treat them?

I think I would probably rearrange my plans if the only other option was for him to be with a stranger for those 12 days. Is that the only option, are there no grandparents, family or family friends who could look after him, even just for the days you'd had plans for? Who looks after him when you go on holiday?

Loads of terrible things have already happened and you have been the one to pick up the pieces each time, if something terrible happened he would be with the person who knew exactly what to do right?

I think that as far as working those 12 days and rearranging things. I would talk to them about getting more help like another babysitter so you don't have to change your plans and you have a bit more flexibility. TBF in any other situation most 12yr olds can be left alone for some amount of time.

I think you sound wonderful OP. A member of my family had the sort of parents that it sounds as if your charge has and the caregivers around my relative were absolutely essential to him becoming a loving and functioning adult. I would echo an earlier poster about helping him find a new type of “found family” through sport or an interest. And making friends with the nicer of his school friends’ parents as a way of giving him more role models. It’s sad to say that but IME the school may not be willing to intervene.

Poor child. I was a nanny for 20yrs. Often looked after the Children while parents went away to ski or few days in the sun

but

the huge diff is that they then took their children on a family holiday as well

I would get 2/3w off in one go

you don’t have that ? Have you never gone away for 2w with friends or a partner

yours don’t do that. Very sad. Poor child

and to not go to parents evening / let alone the story about knocking on dads door and being told to go away and you took to hosp

I would have been banging on their door and saying you need to go to a&e now with your child.

they will never change. Maybe better to stay there and get redundancy in 4ths or so

but I would have said I have plans so can’t do a&b night zz

That little boy is lucky to have you in his life as his parents can't even be bothered to take him to hospital when he's very sick, fitting is quite dangerous. As l said previously some people shouldn't have children, money doesn't replace love and care.

You’ve crossed professional boundaries and are enabling the parent’s behaviour.
You are a paid employee and you need to make that clear. What are your contracted hours? That needs to be the starting point for the conversation that has to be had. So to say “12 days of full time sole charge is way above my contracted hours of xxx. It is not my professional duty to provide that level and length of care so you can holiday”. (Similarity, next time the child is ill in the night, you bang on the parent’s door and tell them their child needs to be taken by them to A&E).

What would he be a target of and by who ?