Nanny Dilemma

OP you sound like a lovely person, in a tricky situation as no doubt you love that child, don't listen to the nasty posts who imply that you are in it only for the benefits and want you to contact SS or the school.

Reaping the benefits, so not wanting to rock the boat. I see now.

Exactly.
The OP doesn't sound 'lovely', she's a pushover who hasn't reported safeguarding issues and is weirdly enmeshed in this family.
You find him fitting and being ignored, they take absolutely no interest in any care and he reguarly says he hates them, what are you doing about this? Do you get something out of being needed to this extent?

Private school are diff

They usually get dropped off my parent or nanny.

I’ve dropped off teens and picked up

You sound lovely and the parents are very lucky to have found someone like you to essentially bring up their child. BUT you sound very much like my friend, a nanny for a lovely family with 2 children she was there for years, right from the birth of the youngest. Went on wonderful holidays, rescued them at weekends when mum had a headache and couldn't cope with the children, looked after them whilst they went on trips but also did holidays with the family. Was at their beck and call and never felt she could say no for similar reasons. Fast forward 12 years, the children were sent off to boarding school, the job finished, they didnt even have the decency to inform her of the passing of the house keeper. She had done her job yes but she came out and realised she had sacrificed a lot for them - always wanted her own children, hadn't had time to meet anyone.. so they might be paying you well but at that cost to your own future happiness.

Different families are different, and different parents make different choices.

You are a brilliant nanny to love him so much and be so much on his side, but I would really caution you to think very carefully before following the advice on this thread. You have posted a few times about not overstepping boundaries and I think that you have a good gut feeling here of what is/isn’t ok within this family. Don’t lose a good job with a child you like because of mumsnet advice!

Social services will not care at all that a child has been left at home with a qualified, professional nanny who he knows well. Or that he hasn’t had a holiday. Or that his parents want to holiday without him.

If he goes to a well know private day school there will be many many families who holiday without their children, or who travel for periods of time. Diplomats, CEOs, musicians, politicians etc - a really high percentage of roles which pay the money to afford these schools need international travel and long hours. It also won’t be uncommon for the nanny to attend parent meetings, although probably less common at secondary.

What I think that you could do which might help is to suggest some sort of therapy/counselling for him. Position it to the parents as something which a lot of families at school are doing to support over teenage/puberty years. That might give him the insight and skills to raise concerns himself.

You would not be being rude or disrespectful. They have employed a professional to look after him. As a professional you have a responsibility to communicate with, and update your employers on their child's wellbeing.

In any job, omitting to inform your employer or manager of a serious problem would be seen as neglectful and you would be pulled up on it.

I really don't want to sound nagging, but seriously, this is your job! You are letting him down by not advocating for him, and not communicating his needs to your employers.

Have a good trip with him, and then definitely take a break, if only so that you can think this all through away from your work environment. And talk to your mum.

Hope you both have a lovely holiday, you both deserve it.

Bluestone in Wales is lovely, although a bit of a trek from London. Centerparcs (either Woburn Forest or Longleat) might be a good shout. Lots of cheap and cheerful caravan or lodge holiday parks with pools and activities if he might enjoy that?

Portsmouth is accessible on the train and has lots to do and see, including the dockyard there. Also lot of fairground rides on the front he might like. Winchester is another good one - there's Marwell Zoo (which might be a bit young for a 12yo) but also the science centre and lots of other stuff to do and see. Again, an easy one by train if you don't want to drive, though you might need to get buses/taxis to some stuff. Or if you felt confident enough, you could do Edinburgh on the train from King's Cross. Definitely lots of options to chat to him about and see what appeals.

Poor kid… Can you speak to his school counsellor about it perhaps? (After this?) They might have some more insight.
Why the hell do these people have kids? I bet if they had a snappy little white dog it would be going everywhere in a designer handbag and travelling first class.

OP, just focus in the meantime on having a lovely time with him.

What part of the country are you based in (very roughly)? Maybe we could suggest a few holiday or day trip ideas.

Then you can decide how you want to proceed when the parents return and you get some down-time.

You could offer to take him on a UK based holiday where he would be able to enjoy activities that he would enjoy, under professional tuition - surfing, climbing, football, gaming, music - whatever he enjoys. This would reduce the time you are in sole control of him and give you spare time to recharge your battery! You need paying for your 24/12 care, it's not a normal nanny week.

Bloody hell
It sounds like child abuse smothered in wealth

Are you in the UK? It would be highly unusual in the UK for a 14/15/16 year old to be taken to and from school by a nanny.

The school must have concerns with you attending all parents evenings in place of the parents. And being the one to attend routine and emergency medical appointments too.

I understand you care for the boy, but if this is true then you must share your concerns. If the family is "lovely" then set out to them how they are not meeting their son's basic emotional needs. If not then with the school who can refer to SS who can support with parenting. You need to plan for a time when you are not there and ensure this child will have some involvement and care from his parents.

I don’t have any advice for you in your situation because what you ‘should’ do and what you ‘should’ say is very easy for people to advise but from reading your posts you can clearly see that you’re more than just a Nanny to this boy. I do however just want to say that he is very lucky to have you and for the rest of that boys life he will always remember the care you’ve given him and will forever appreciate you. I think you probably typed this more out of frustration because you already knew from the minute the parents asked you that you was going to cancel your own plans for the boy. I feel for you because that is really annoying and it is unfair for them to put you in this position. As crap as the situation is, remind yourself in those 12 days that you’re making such a difference to his life just by being in it. You sound lovely x

How old are you, @BlankStreetMatcha ? Apologies if you've said and I've missed it.

Your mum is right to be worried and unhappy. And I agree with a pp that this is not good for the child. He will/has become so dependent on you that it's massively bad for you both.

I can only reiterate what I said earlier in the thread. It's time for you to talk to the parents as a professional. Let them know that you're concerned about him, about his lack of connection with them, about him seeing his friends having holidays with their parents, and the risk of him feeling neglected and unloved. Going on holidays with his nanny is no compensation for his mum and dad. Say that you're concerned that he's seeing you as his parent, which is dangerous as you won't be around forever.

You have your own life to live and the space to have your own relationship and children. You might want to remind them of that.

Going against the grain here, but I really don’t think you are helping the child in the long run. Surely his parents need to take more responsibility and daily care for him.
By agreeing to this you are facilitating their neglect of him.
If you said no then they wouldn’t be able to go and it might give them pause for thought?

@BlankStreetMatcha you could consider centre parcs. Really safe and loads to do for both of you. It sounds like they can afford it.