Nanny Dilemma

Exactly. This is what I would call circumstantial depression ie there's a clear reason and it could be improved with a clear response. I would hate to think he'd go to a GP and maybe be put on medication, as I have seen happen to other children, again with v understandable reasons for their sad feelings and low mood.

Personally, I would be trying to treat the situation rather than medicalising it. My friend's dd had an acute anxiety last year and the GP surgery advised friend to go to A&E. I spoke to her dd, who I am v close with, and she just needed to talk about how she was feeling and the reasons for it (she'd been shown a picture of a suicide and couldn't get it out of her poor head), I think A&E as a plan could have escalated it all and caused further catastrophising. Obviously she was closely watched but with a few tools to help she was feeling much better within a few weeks and has really learned from the experience. I know some will disagree with me on this. I'm not minimising or dismissing but I think I'd be open and responsive at home before going to a GP for a very understandable response to his difficult situation.

This - let them know, hopefully they will seek help for him although if they gave him a little more attention he probably wouldn't be so depressed.
Very uncaring parents don't they realise than money doesn't replace love and attention.

It’s prob hit him more as parents are away

Bless his wee heart 💔

Imagine feeling like your parents don't love you, when you should be their everything.

I bet he sees at least some of his friends' parents being really affectionate and present and engaged with their kids and wonders why his own aren't like that with him.

It's no surprise really given his lack of parental relationships. I really think it's time the school knew (post holiday of course) as they may have access to wellbeing/ emotional support.

I hope this is a wake up call to the parents.

Let parents know when they get back.

Do you have parental consent, as a guardian, to attend the GP with him, or perhaps just in emergencies?
Who usually accompanies him to medical appointments?
He's just 14, isn't he?

What do the 'parents' ( say this loosely as they are not parenting him) actually do that make them too busy to even acknowledge their child?

Poor, poor boy.

You sound lovely and really kind @BlankStreetMatcha

You know what id book a air b&b and take him down to cornwall to the beach for a few days. Give him a normal british kid hoilday.

make sure you get some time to yourself when they are back, would take a few weeks off and force them to actually be parents over the summer hols!

I think that's a shame.. I wouldn't see that as undermining..just protecting his present and future mental health.. he's not getting put of this unscathed OP. I know it's not your responsibility but I also know you care greatly for him..They couldn't possibly think they're great parents if they know a single jot about parenting or have any interest. There's so much accessible info on parenting these days.

Would not be suprised if he cuts them off as soon as he hits 16 and keeps you in his life for the rest of his life. What awful parents, they dont deserve him.

Would he like a short break at PGL, maybe if you paid for a school friend to go too? You could drop them both off and collect them and it would preserve your time off with your friends.

Or if not PGL - there are lots of similar options (adventure/camping type residentials). Sailing trqining weeks are popular too! My dd loved this kind of thing if she had a friend with her.

I would look into that and see if he likes the idea - browse the internet and ask if he has any friends who aren’t away for the whole summer who would like to go along (esp if it’s free!)

Unfortunately it sounds like the parent-child relationship will be ruptured long term if there isn't an intervention or a change very soon. Do you feel able to say this to the parents? How do they speak to you about him? It's all very damaging.
I wouldn't keep repeating that they love him very much as he will have a really warped version of love that is bound to follow him into his adult relationships. I'd just stay active listening and empathising but I really would try to intervene with the parents. They need some kind of family therapy. As a play therapist I work with the parents also but that's really only up to 13 but there are other options. Crucially, the parents need to be part of it, it's not about giving the child the coping skills to deal with it, the environment needs to change.

Very sad he must feel totally rejected.

😒

I wrote a few days ago how I understood where you were coming from as I felt in a similar situation a decade ago with the parents financially supporting the kids but nothing else.

That evening I decided to have a look on SM and found the girl who begged me to let her move in with me.

I wasn’t going to write what I found as I didn’t know if it would be productive. But, I’ve been thinking how would acted differently back then..

Unfortunately I’ve found this bright, beautiful and absolutely delightfully well behaved has completely gone off the rails. Looks like she’s either cut of her family or they’ve cut her off, and it’s all very public. She looks like she’s on drugs, with a deadbeat lad and it just looks like she’s completely gone off the rails.

I think you should mention to the mum that the boy has really missed them and upset he was left at home. It’s factual, you’re not telling them what to do, just giving them the information that they evidently haven’t picked up on. It’s funny what narrative people tell themselves to make them feel better about their decisions ‘he wouldn’t have liked the history/got bored sitting around the pool/would rather have a free house and have his mates over’.