Nanny Dilemma

Why leave it till they are back

im saying this over years of safe guarding courses and experience . Im over 50

you said you are 28 so maybe 10yrs of nannying experiences if from 18

I’ve been in childcare for over 30yrs - you need to inform the parents

if they don’t tell the school , again you need to mention to the school that he said he is depressed

it is your duty to safe guard him

it is not going behind their backs

the school will keep an extra eye on him

Face to face it will be easier for the OP to tell them it's something they need to deal with. Id she tells them now they can legitimately say we are not there so you take him. It doesn't sound like he needs an urgent appointment - he's not done anything drastic which would warrant immediate help, he has expressed something worrying that needs to be looked at soon but not urgently.

But it sounds like they do that anyway? You say you’re the one to take him to the doctor’s, hospital etc. Presumably that’s when they’re around to do so, they just don’t?

I think you're being wise, @BlankStreetMatcha to speak to them when they're home and make sure one of them takes him to the GP, rather than them expecting you to do it. They need a wake up call.

Apologies for misreading the ‘trust’ thing, but my point still stands. Your ‘job’ is to look after him whilst he is in your care; your ‘responsibility’ goes beyond that, as you know.
You need to alert his parents (even if they ignore you). That is your responsibility with regards to safeguarding him, and goes beyond the reach of your job.

I’ve read all your posts, @BlankStreetMatcha and I’m going be honest with you - it sounds like his parents have bought your collusion with how they treat him. You say you couldn’t have bought the things you have without their salary.

May I ask - are you this child’s legal guardian?

Is your safeguarding training up to date?
You talk about losing the child’s trust; I hope you’ve made no promises of secrecy.
Your posts are a worry. I understand your position is a very tricky one, but you mustn’t succumb to a Messiah complex. You have very real responsibilities around this child, and can’t use your specific circumstances to avoid them.

Have you been trained in safeguarding?
You unwillingness to ‘rock the boat’ is quite worrying to me. Don’t get me wrong, I think you are being a wonderful friend to this child, but I think you may be crossing boundaries here.

The term for the parents behaviour is affluent neglect. I think you are doing an amazing job, but that's what it is, your job. In no way should you be a substitute for these dreadful parents.

I think you need to tell the parents @BlankStreetMatcha. As a professional nanny and safe guarding you need to inform the parents

and the school esp if parents don’t or won’t

yes maybe they won’t call you or be that bothered but you need to do things by the book and as much as protect /sage guard him as protect yourself

What more can they do ? It's a child with feelings not a pet, you have a child you spend time with him, not just farm him to someone else. In this case he's lucky as OP sounds lovely and clearly loves him but it doesn't stop him from feeling rejected by his own parents. These parents don't deserve that child they are emotionally neglectful and will damage him, as previously said money doesn't replace love.
Even Kate and William spend as much time as they are able to with their children

That is not your call to make. His is their child, not yours. They need to know.

OP, you sound like such a lovely selfless person and this lad is soooo lucky to have you in his life. I’ve no doubt he will always remember that, whatever path he takes.

I dont have kids and am also an only child born to crap parents who didn’t want to be parents or do any parenting.
Something you said this lad said to you resonated with me:

“'perhaps I just got unlucky, but I will create my own luck”

He’s not daft. Like me, he will find his own way when he is able to and will do brilliantly.
I wasn’t parented, I brought myself up and I’ve done OK.
He has you and will do more than OK …. It’s amazing the opportunities a few more quid in your bank account can do to help you along the way and it doesn’t sound like this is an issue for him.

I wish I’d had a fairy godmother like you that had my back when I was 12. You are an angel.

I can’t offer any advice on what you should do about this lad’s welfare - that’s for you to decide professionally and morally; but at your age you really should be making time and a life for yourself too and this should also be a goal for you when his parents return.
🌸

I disagree, they are bothered enough to pay for quality childcare - they have employed a qualified live in Nanny, what more can they do.

Yes I suppose they could spend more and employ a Norland Nanny, indeed 2 Norland Nannies so one can cover for the other for time off / sickness.

They could send him to boarding school, and only have Nannies for school holidays.

No, text his parents now and ask them to call you.

He is not your child. As a professional you have safeguarding responsibilities and you must follow correct procedures. A child has confided in you that they are struggling with possible mental health issues, you have to tell the parents asap.

As I said last week, he's not getting out of these circumstances unscathed despite your best efforts. The situation has to be pointed out to his parents. A good psychologist, play therapist or psychotherapist would do this as part of a therapy plan. I know people who've helped their children jn this way without the professional even meeting their child by the parents changing their behaviours (often v subtle ways that parents just not aware of as causing issues). But these parents would have to be willing to take it on board...