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Original poster

Nanny Dilemma

286 replies

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 18:20

I feel terrible for bring this problem to here, I have no children of my own so I would like some advice from other mothers.

So....

I am currently Nanny to a 12 year old boy, this is my sixth year working with this family, they are lovely people and I am really enjoy being part of their family and they've always treated me very well.

Now the Dilemma is Mum & Dad want to take a 12 day holiday alone and they've asked if I could take care of their son in the meanwhile. I have never minded helping them out in the past, a few days here and there, I don't feel as if they realise that I have a life of my own, and them dragging me away from it can be a huge inconvenience at times.

I find it very hard to say no, simple reason he is the most sweetest child you'd ever come across, and he has always been an absolute pleasure to take care of.

It seems like Mum & Dad do not want him or only want him with them when it's convenient for them i.e family events etc, they haven't attended parents evening for years, it's always been left down to me, which I don't mind, but I just can't comprehend why they don't feel the need to have any input in his school life or his life in general.

During the last couple of months there has been a few times when he has randomly expressed that he hates his Mum & Dad, I have never asked him why, because I don't feel as if it is my business or my right to question him further, and he is at that age children tend to start expressing themselves. I just tell him that they love him very much and then change the subject.

I feel as they believe showering him with the most expensive gifts, ludicrous clothing brands and the latest gadgets makes up for the time unspent with him and I just can't understand why they don't want to bring him along with them on their holiday.

I had made plans and now I feel as if it's my only option to cancel them, if I say no I am instantly going to feel guilty and they will probably try and palm him off with someone else, he should not be made to feel unwanted.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:
BIWI · 17/07/2025 19:06

What would you do if you were in my situation?

I would say no. You have other plans and this is a massive ask of you.

You are NOT the boy’s mother. They are putting you in the position of being so. Which is unfair on you but especially unfair on him.

IlovePhilMitchell · 17/07/2025 19:06

I think your post is quite outing if the mother reads mumsnet.

TheignT · 17/07/2025 19:05

You could suggest you and him going somewhere, sounds like they can afford it.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:03

TreeCake · 17/07/2025 18:47

If you’re able to rearrange your plans I would but you shouldn’t really have to so I can see why you wouldn’t want to do this.
perhaps you could share care with whoever else they may have lined up for the 12 days. Does this boy get a holiday too at some point? Seems incredibly mean.

He hasn't had a real holiday for about a year now, and I don't want to over step boundaries and ask why this is.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:01

Calliopespa · 17/07/2025 18:49

I was wondering about his holiday too.

Same here, I want to ask them when exactly are they planning on taking him on holiday!

It's just so unfair on him, I can't get my head around why they don't want to take him with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:00

hmmimnotsurewhy · 17/07/2025 18:42

This poor boy, he clearly loves you to confide in you. I would feel very torn too, because he is abandoned enough already and sending him to someone else would just make him feel even more. 12 days is such a long time to leave him, I don’t even know what I would do

I would not be able to forgive myself if I refuse to look after him, it's just very inconvenient for me. I was planning on spending time with friends, I still will because they adore him but it just means that we'll have to be home at a certain time.

OP posts:
floatingbagel · 17/07/2025 18:54

this is a very difficult situation and you clearly care very deeply for the boy. however, you shouldnt agree to something that seems too much out of guilt for saying no. id explain that a few days is all you feel comfortable doing. perhaps you could offer to watch him for part of the time.

Calliopespa · 17/07/2025 18:49

I was wondering about his holiday too.

TreeCake · 17/07/2025 18:47

If you’re able to rearrange your plans I would but you shouldn’t really have to so I can see why you wouldn’t want to do this.
perhaps you could share care with whoever else they may have lined up for the 12 days. Does this boy get a holiday too at some point? Seems incredibly mean.

Calliopespa · 17/07/2025 18:46

It's a bit heart-breaking.

I think I'd be inclined to rearrange if you can - for his sake - but I would make it very clear to them you are having to do this, and ask for any financial loss to be covered.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 17/07/2025 18:42

This poor boy, he clearly loves you to confide in you. I would feel very torn too, because he is abandoned enough already and sending him to someone else would just make him feel even more. 12 days is such a long time to leave him, I don’t even know what I would do