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Original poster

Nanny Dilemma

286 replies

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 18:20

I feel terrible for bring this problem to here, I have no children of my own so I would like some advice from other mothers.

So....

I am currently Nanny to a 12 year old boy, this is my sixth year working with this family, they are lovely people and I am really enjoy being part of their family and they've always treated me very well.

Now the Dilemma is Mum & Dad want to take a 12 day holiday alone and they've asked if I could take care of their son in the meanwhile. I have never minded helping them out in the past, a few days here and there, I don't feel as if they realise that I have a life of my own, and them dragging me away from it can be a huge inconvenience at times.

I find it very hard to say no, simple reason he is the most sweetest child you'd ever come across, and he has always been an absolute pleasure to take care of.

It seems like Mum & Dad do not want him or only want him with them when it's convenient for them i.e family events etc, they haven't attended parents evening for years, it's always been left down to me, which I don't mind, but I just can't comprehend why they don't feel the need to have any input in his school life or his life in general.

During the last couple of months there has been a few times when he has randomly expressed that he hates his Mum & Dad, I have never asked him why, because I don't feel as if it is my business or my right to question him further, and he is at that age children tend to start expressing themselves. I just tell him that they love him very much and then change the subject.

I feel as they believe showering him with the most expensive gifts, ludicrous clothing brands and the latest gadgets makes up for the time unspent with him and I just can't understand why they don't want to bring him along with them on their holiday.

I had made plans and now I feel as if it's my only option to cancel them, if I say no I am instantly going to feel guilty and they will probably try and palm him off with someone else, he should not be made to feel unwanted.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 17/07/2025 19:40

You sound lovely OP, and whilst you should say no, I suspect you won’t. Neither would I, so no judgement, i’m very much a yes person too.

Why not take the boy on a UK break, maybe a theme park, Alton Towers etc. That way he gets a break, so do you, but no pressure of taking him overseas.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:39

Hazey19 · 17/07/2025 19:38

Poor boy. He’s lucky to have you x

Thank you, he often says he is lucky and happy that he has me.

OP posts:
Hazey19 · 17/07/2025 19:38

Poor boy. He’s lucky to have you x

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:37

yallahbye · 17/07/2025 19:29

I would look after the boy, but of course for a much higher amount of money than usual. Not out of sheer greed, but night nannying has to be paid too, as anything can happen during the night and then you’ll have to deal with the situation. Plus 12 days are quite long so I would really milk them for what it’s worth.
So let’s say you earn £150 a day normally. I would ask for £400 a day. Not just because of the full-on hours but because of the responsibility too.

They've already offered me a substantial amount, but it's really not about the money.

I'll keep saying this over and over again.... I just don't understand why they don't want take him with them.

I am going to take care of him and I will make sure that we have plenty of fun, whatever we decide to do.

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 17/07/2025 19:35

Your post is something of an oxymoron, because they don't sound like really lovely people at all. I think you need to slowly detach yourself from this family, and remove yourself from your emotional attachment to this boy. It's a shame for him, but they have gone too far now. Expecting you to have him for nearly 2 weeks while they go on a jolly is dreadful parenting.

But it's not your circus, or your monkeys. I think you need to find a new job @BlankStreetMatcha

Mulledjuice · 17/07/2025 19:31

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:29

Yes, he always go on residential trips with the school which he very much enjoys.

That is a good suggestion, but I wouldn't feel totally comfortable being responsible for someone else's child. He regularly has a friend come with us on day trips which I have always encouraged.

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Would you take him alone? Something mkke a mark warmer or nielson or again?

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:29

Mulledjuice · 17/07/2025 19:27

You're in a professional role - i think you should suggest it. Does he get the opportunity to go on school trips? Would you take him and a friend somewhere?

Show quote history

Yes, he always go on residential trips with the school which he very much enjoys.

That is a good suggestion, but I wouldn't feel totally comfortable being responsible for someone else's child. He regularly has a friend come with us on day trips which I have always encouraged.

OP posts:
yallahbye · 17/07/2025 19:29

I would look after the boy, but of course for a much higher amount of money than usual. Not out of sheer greed, but night nannying has to be paid too, as anything can happen during the night and then you’ll have to deal with the situation. Plus 12 days are quite long so I would really milk them for what it’s worth.
So let’s say you earn £150 a day normally. I would ask for £400 a day. Not just because of the full-on hours but because of the responsibility too.

TheignT · 17/07/2025 19:28

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:10

Yes they have already suggested this, I do not feel comfortable taking him abroad alone.

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It doesn't have to be abroad.

Mulledjuice · 17/07/2025 19:27

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:03

He hasn't had a real holiday for about a year now, and I don't want to over step boundaries and ask why this is.

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You're in a professional role - i think you should suggest it. Does he get the opportunity to go on school trips? Would you take him and a friend somewhere?

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:27

SoddingSoda · 17/07/2025 19:21

Op I understand where you are coming from.

I used to care for two children from a very complex family. Some days I’d be waking them up in the morning and then tucking them back into bed. The parents would spend a fortune on gifts but they’d be totally off the mark.

I remember the turmoil I felt when one asked to move in with me and ‘my dad only says he loves me in front of other people’. The other one said how he hated Fridays as that meant two days without me (their parents would feed them but I think zero interaction/would use teenagers as babysitters as they were cheaper..)

They moved away in the end but I look the kids up on social media. I’m half expecting a knock on the door.

I feel comfort knowing that you understand, you sound like a lovely person.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:26

MellowPinkDeer · 17/07/2025 19:21

Would you rearrange your life for any other job?

I think it’s madness you’d enable this tbh. Just say no.

No I wouldn't, but there is a child involved in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:25

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/07/2025 19:17

Do you get extra money? If so I'd be looking to say yes but you have plans those dates and suggest alternatives.

I'd also be listening to the boy when he tells you his feelings. It sounds a bit like you invalidate them with your responses ( sorry not your intention I am sure). It sounds like you might be the only adult he talks to though so I'm sure he'd like to feel heard.

Have you ever broached this with the parents? That might need it pointing out that their kid actually misses them when theyre not there or suggestions of what would make their son feel better

Yes, they always pay me extra when I agree to take care of him outside of term time.

I always want to ask him why he hates his parents, but I don't feel as it if it my place to question him, then it could escalate into something. I do worry about him, because both parents "seem" lovely and genuine, having said that I do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

No I don't dare to broach anything with his parents, I feel as there are certain boundaries that I can't cross, even though they class me as "family"

OP posts:
SoddingSoda · 17/07/2025 19:21

Op I understand where you are coming from.

I used to care for two children from a very complex family. Some days I’d be waking them up in the morning and then tucking them back into bed. The parents would spend a fortune on gifts but they’d be totally off the mark.

I remember the turmoil I felt when one asked to move in with me and ‘my dad only says he loves me in front of other people’. The other one said how he hated Fridays as that meant two days without me (their parents would feed them but I think zero interaction/would use teenagers as babysitters as they were cheaper..)

They moved away in the end but I look the kids up on social media. I’m half expecting a knock on the door.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/07/2025 19:21

BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:14

I do feel as if they take advantage out of me, they know I have their sons best interest at heart. It just gets too much for me sometimes, it almost feels like he is my child. I have had relationships break down because of it, yes they pay me very well but it's not worth it.

Show quote history

Then why not leave?

MellowPinkDeer · 17/07/2025 19:21

Would you rearrange your life for any other job?

I think it’s madness you’d enable this tbh. Just say no.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/07/2025 19:17

Do you get extra money? If so I'd be looking to say yes but you have plans those dates and suggest alternatives.

I'd also be listening to the boy when he tells you his feelings. It sounds a bit like you invalidate them with your responses ( sorry not your intention I am sure). It sounds like you might be the only adult he talks to though so I'm sure he'd like to feel heard.

Have you ever broached this with the parents? That might need it pointing out that their kid actually misses them when theyre not there or suggestions of what would make their son feel better

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:14

BIWI · 17/07/2025 19:10

@BlankStreetMatcha

I am honoured at the fact that they trust me.

You shouldn’t feel honoured. They are just taking the piss out of you. They’ve found someone who is a good carer for their son, who their son likes, so now they can take total advantage of you and your time.

These are not nice people.

I do feel as if they take advantage out of me, they know I have their sons best interest at heart. It just gets too much for me sometimes, it almost feels like he is my child. I have had relationships break down because of it, yes they pay me very well but it's not worth it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:11

IlovePhilMitchell · 17/07/2025 19:06

I think your post is quite outing if the mother reads mumsnet.

Yes, it very well could be.

However, I can guarantee you that she doesn't read mumsnet.

OP posts:
BIWI · 17/07/2025 19:10

@BlankStreetMatcha

I am honoured at the fact that they trust me.

You shouldn’t feel honoured. They are just taking the piss out of you. They’ve found someone who is a good carer for their son, who their son likes, so now they can take total advantage of you and your time.

These are not nice people.

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:10

TheignT · 17/07/2025 19:05

You could suggest you and him going somewhere, sounds like they can afford it.

Yes they have already suggested this, I do not feel comfortable taking him abroad alone.

OP posts:
Inthesmallclouds · 17/07/2025 19:09

IlovePhilMitchell · 17/07/2025 19:06

I think your post is quite outing if the mother reads mumsnet.

🙄

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:08

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/07/2025 19:06

Weird that they don’t have anyone else who can have him for some of those days. Why not counter with 5 or 7 days instead of 12?

I have no idea.....

I never question them, but yes it's very weird.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/07/2025 19:06

Weird that they don’t have anyone else who can have him for some of those days. Why not counter with 5 or 7 days instead of 12?

Original poster
BlankStreetMatcha · 17/07/2025 19:06

Calliopespa · 17/07/2025 18:46

It's a bit heart-breaking.

I think I'd be inclined to rearrange if you can - for his sake - but I would make it very clear to them you are having to do this, and ask for any financial loss to be covered.

They have already offered this, there was also suggestion that I could take him somewhere abroad, I don't particularly feel comfortable with doing that. I am honoured at the fact that they trust me.

The thing that upsets me is that he is such a lovely child, inside and outside, every time we go out together he always get compliments on the way he looks.

OP posts: