Nanny Dilemma

His lovely nature is probably down to you - if you’ve been the main carer for six years. That’s a long time at a crucial age.

I feel very sad for this young boy for being so emotionally neglected by his own parents. Thank goodness he has you OP to show him some kindness and interest ☺️

Yes that sounds like the best decision. How awful of them! I kind of hoped they may take him. Poor boy never having any family holidays.

He is lucky to have you!

Poor, poor boy. This is heartbreaking. There’s no chance if you refuse they’ll actually take him on holiday with them? And that could be a good thing?

You really don’t need to be the sole carer for that amount of time. If yoi have other plans then say so. Understand you want to do the best by the boy but if they always have you available they’ll never include him. Sad all round.

Seems like his parents are taking you for granted.
I feel it is unreasonable of them to expect you to take care of their child for 12 days.
You need to assert yourself (easier said than done). To think you have sacrificed relationships etc due to their expectations is completely unacceptable

I think you need to ask for a fuck tonne of money and spend some of it on counselling. Your heart is going to be broken in a few years time when this child ages out of needing a nanny, possibly goes to sixth form boarding, whatever - and the parents will not be interested in facilitating a relationship. OR you’re going to have a teenager wanting to move in with you. I promise I’m saying this with the utmost kindness, you sound like a lovely person who has found herself in an impossible position, but however this ends it is not going to end well. You need some help around boundaries and how you’re going to extricate yourself from this.

This poor poor child - luckily that he has you. Some people - dont deserve to be parents. I hope the mother or father reads this so she knows how awful shes being to her own son.

Does he not have grandparents and other relatives?
Does he have friends you could arrange play dates with on some days? I hope he is not a total loner who has nobody to hang out with just his nanny 😟

He'll be ok by the time he leaves school. Its amazing how they grow up!

And by then you can drop him the occasional email etc as he can to you, so you wont lose touch the way nannies with very young children do.

This isn't about trusting you. They simply don't care.

Sorry, we must have cross posted. Well, I do see your dilemma. I do think though that he might need a separate space to express these feelings he has about his parents and come to some acceptance or understanding of his parents limitations then, with a good, experienced child psychotherapist.

The boy is experiencing emotional neglect at the very least. His parents have not managed to build a relationship with their child. He's not being nurtured by them. Likely the boy feels very lonely because of that.

You shouldn't tell him his parents love him. He decides if he feels loved by them or not. He says he hates them so your response has been dismissive. I suggest you do something with him that can nurture/soothe him. An activity, just talking or something else when he expresses something like that. You can listen and accept what he says without confirming or denying his truth.

Likely his parents parent the way they were parented. In what way are they lovely people? They don't sound lovely at all.

The other thing is that he's on the cusp of becoming a teenager and a young man. His parents really need to be present for that or are you going to be expected to navigate his teenage years with him too? That's not something that you should be getting into IMHO 🥴

They don't go to parents evenings?! What must the school think?

Half surprised social services aren't involved given that his parents don't seem to parent.

It is such a privilege to be this person in the life of a you g person who needs you OP. You know what is the right thing too do and if you can get these awful people to pay you through the nose for it, so much the better.

Oh god they are such fuckers.
I-d be inclined to charge £8 or £10k for the week and take him to eurodisney on their dime... at 11/12 what can happen really

Of you are with him until gcse - 6th form boarding actually might be better for him - he will make some "brothers'

As a nanny your role is to look after the child but also to communicate your perspective about his needs and development to his parents as a bit of a handover. I wonder about saying to them - he really misses you. Saying, I hope I'm a reasonable substitute when you can't be with him, I care very much about him, but you are his parents and a part of him is very much questioning why you can't be with him at times. Or even going on to say - - You're so important to him and my concern is that these questions are going to get bigger in his mind as he grows older.

Having said that, it is clear that having this connection with you is really important for this poor boy, and you may rightly worry about rocking the boat. My worry would be that they would send him to boarding school next. Do you know if they are preparing for this or if that's not on their radar?

You don’t have to understand them.
Nannies can grow close to the children they look after (and their parents too) but at the end of the day:

• he is not your child and you are not part of their family, no matter how many times they say it. You have your own family.
• It is a job and a business arrangement.

Btw it is very unlikely you’ll be there much longer, as children rarely have nannies over the age of 12, so this situation is not very likely to reoccur in the future.Just sayin’..