To ask how much you pay for beauty services like your nails, hair, etc?

Childcare allows you BOTH to work, so should be a joint expense.

That said, do you actually pool money at all?

Or is it that he pays the vast majority of bills out of his income and you pay a few bits and bobs out of yours? Because you need to sit down together and work out what comes in, what goes out, long and short term savings and then allocate (the same amount) of personal spends each.

That said, I'd not be happy about my partner who only pulled in a third of my income deciding to give up their job for a lower paid one because they couldn't hack it - expecting me to make up the shortfall. I assume you did discuss this with him first? And he was happy to support you to make your life easier at his expense?

What you do with your equal fun money is surely up to you?

I saw your other update re your confidence growing after getting hair extensions.

Did he prefer you in the mousey, child rearing years and feeling unsettled by the new, confident you?

£25 on gel nails & eyebrow wax every 4 weeks (package - same lady does both)

£50 underarm/full leg and Holywood wax every six weeks

£100 on hair every 8 weeks (full head of foils, roots & trim)

£250 on Botox every 4 months (elevens and crow’s feet)

Soo.. £2158.50 per year, which is fucking ridiculous but also, thankfully, we can afford it

I think the point of the post has changed. Husband is financially abusing OP. He's draining the money she earns while his spending is coming from their joint account . He thinks this is payback for him supporting her while she was having their children

Here, unless they were actually discussing specific business deals and details, it wouldn't be considered networking

£34 every 8-10 weeks for a haircut. I like being low maintenance for many reasons.

Hair £85 every 2 months cut and dye or highlights
Nails £35 only really get done for special occasions
Eye brow wax and brow/lash tint probably every 3 months £20
I think as long as you can afford it then up to you!

You both benefit from childcare so this should be a joint expense. It enables both of you to work full-time.

Sorry OP, but he sounds AWFUL.

Hair £50 about 4 times a year. Brows £10 every 6-8 weeks. Currently spending money on pedicures but only because I'm pregnant and can't easily reach! Usually do my own.

They're his kids too. Making you pay for the kids clubs so you can work is financial abuse.

Nails £1.99 a week (i use nail wraps)
Hair £95 every other month (roots and highlights)

Zero!

I think your husband’s attitude towards money is the issue here. He’s happy to have way more disposable income than you but also disapprove of what you choose to spend your much reduced amount on. That’s shit.

My DH earns more than I do as he works full time and I work part-time since having kids. Our money is shared, we have the same access to disposable income, I can spend mine on whatever I like as can he, that’s the whole point of it. On top of the £100 month I broke down earlier, I also spend about £50 a month on yoga classes and £120 a month on my Peloton bike (rented but will buy soon).

I’ve lost a lot of weight and actually care about my appearance now and take pride in stuff I never would have paid for before because I would have felt foolish or embarrassed for trying to look nice when I was obese. Which is a horrible thing to think about oneself but it was how I felt. So my spending on myself has shot up, but I look at it as a positive thing as I now have confidence in myself and believe myself to be worth it, and that’s worth the money!

WTAF????
This is bordering on financial abuse!

They are his kids too. Stop paying for after school clubs and put him down as named contact when they need collecting at 3pm!

You've just put yourself further under the thumb of a financially controlling man.

Find a job or go for a certification where you can have some money coming in. Do you have supportive family and friends near?

I believe women should maintain financial independence always. Not just because some men have the same attitude as OP’s husband and will take advantage of the financial vulnerability to be controlling. But you really don’t want to ever be in a position where you can’t afford to leave a relationship that you want to leave. That’s an awful place to be. (Not saying OP wants to leave her husband, just that she should not have put herself in a position where she can’t.)

I don’t see a problem as long as you are contributing fairly towards billls etc.

I used to get my nails done but I was going crazy with the nail art and it was costing £60-80 a go so I've stopped it now!

These days my costs are only
£30 hair cut every 2 months (dye it myself)
£12 eyebrow wax every 2 weeks (tint them myself)
£20 full face wax every month
Lash and brow serum £100 every 6 months or so.

I bought myself a lumea and that's nixed the need to get waxed any where else so it paid for itself in a year. That was £200 I think.

If they are all playing golf and he's not - then he misses out on networking with them and therefore opportunities and promotions. Honestly! The fact that he enjoys it doesn't mean that it's not something that progresses his career, or that would hold him back if he didn't do it.

I'm really surprised that people don't understand this.

Just like going to a Corporate Event, where they serve drinks and canapes helps my career. Yes, I enjoy the drinks and canapes and yes, I could do my job without it. But if I don't go along to these Corporate Events, then I will miss out on opportunities and promotions. I wouldn't get fired for not going, but I wouldn't be the one put forward for promotions or projects if my face wasn't seen to fit, and going along to these events is part of making your face fit.

That’s an appalling attitude for him to have. You have children together and no doubt you took longer stretches off work to raise them which facilitated his career and enabled his now higher earnings. You don’t “owe” him anything.

I spend £55 on nails every 6-12 weeks (sometimes I give my nails a break sometimes I don't)

Haircut is £60 every 12 weeks (but I have and would spend double, I just happen to really like this hairdresser. I colour at home because I hate sitting there longer then needed 😂)

Shampoo etc is £130 every 3 months

Eyebrows are £20 threading every 8 weeks

My best mate spends easily double that or more.

But non of that matters, not one bit. What matters is that you should have equal amounts of spending money and like fuck should his golf club membership come out of joint money. He's "Networking". No he's bunking off twice a week for a jolly.

Continue to get all the things that make you feel fab and that you deserve to get and he can continue to go golfing out of HIS fun funds.

Hair £40 + Brows £15 every 6 weeks
Highlights twice a year £65
Do my own nails

It’s not really relevant what other people spend their money on though, it’s all you and what you enjoy spending yours on!

Personally I trim my own hair, dye it with box dye to cover the greys, treat it with at-home olaplex, do my own lashes/eyebrows and regularly do at-home manicures/pedicures. I enjoy doing it and have a decent enough kit that I can do everything myself, plus I don’t really enjoy having people do it for me.

This probably still adds up to about £30 a month for all the bits and pieces

You have to pay him back for the time when you were growing, giving birth to and raising his children? Hell no!

I had one like this but he was controlling in other ways too. Do you think he really doesn't get it, and some cold hard truths will help, or does he not value your contribution to the family?