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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much you pay for beauty services like your nails, hair, etc?

442 replies

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 13:48

I’m 39, turning 40 at the end of the year.

My husband thinks I’m being ridiculous with what I spend, but we can afford it comfortably and it makes me feel good.

I spend £42 every 3-5 weeks on nails, and every 3 months or so an extra £15 to get my eyebrows waxed and tinted.

i spend £140 every two months on getting my hair extensions moved up, and then every 4 months an extra £77 to get my roots done.

he thinks this is silly money and an extra £110 a month we could be saving, but I work, it’s my only real splurge each month and it makes me feel great. Am I spending too much? How much do you spend?

OP posts:
Nina1013 · 17/07/2025 18:14

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 17:49

We’ve both not long got in from work and I’ve broached this with him, asking if we can discuss. He’s got very angry, said if I want financial independence “that fucking badly” I can get a “real job” and start “pulling my weight”, before storming out to the pub.

What is your pretend job then? Do you just pretend to do it?

Squirrelsnut · 17/07/2025 18:13

Nothing regularly. Hair when it looks scraggy, about £40 maybe twice a year. Nothing else.
I do occasionally have a massage or other treatment to relax.

Rosie8880 · 17/07/2025 18:13

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 13:48

I’m 39, turning 40 at the end of the year.

My husband thinks I’m being ridiculous with what I spend, but we can afford it comfortably and it makes me feel good.

I spend £42 every 3-5 weeks on nails, and every 3 months or so an extra £15 to get my eyebrows waxed and tinted.

i spend £140 every two months on getting my hair extensions moved up, and then every 4 months an extra £77 to get my roots done.

he thinks this is silly money and an extra £110 a month we could be saving, but I work, it’s my only real splurge each month and it makes me feel great. Am I spending too much? How much do you spend?

Nails - mani = £25 ( no gel / false just paint: mani) : pedi & mani about £60 together - manu monthly; pedi every 2-3 months

hair - cut every six months, c £100; trim every quarter : free (it’s a pal); dye every 2/3 months £100. Roughly £500 on hair a year

brow wax - every 6 months but I have little eyebrows and very fine fair hair

no waxing - hardly have any body hair (am blonde)

massage - £70 a month
Thai massage - £70 every 2 months
facial - £75 a month
swim and gym membership £65 a month
other healing things c £50/70 every few months - gong baths, etc especially in winter months

thinking of injectable’s etc… as in 40s which would add c £500 a year I guess

possibly surgery - blephestry (eye lids) around 5k one off

Nina1013 · 17/07/2025 18:13

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 14:27

His golf club membership is about £200 a month but he says it’s different as it’s exercise and he “networks” for his job

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This has to be a joke, how can he say that with a straight face while simultaneously judging your personal spend?!

I have never said this before on here but are you sure there aren’t other issues around control that you’ve maybe been pushing to the back of your mind? It feels unlikely that this is a one off issue..

puttyputmeout · 17/07/2025 18:08

38 nails every 3 weeks
170 hair (highlights, toner and cut) every 8 weeks
tint and pluck my own eyebrows now
used to pay 20 for them as well plus 50 for lashes but stopped that

neverbeenskiing · 17/07/2025 17:55

£35 every 4 weeks on BIAB nails
£70 ish every 5 week on hair
£100 ish every 8-12 weeks on skincare

DH earns a lot more than me, I work PT term time only and I have never been expected to how much I spend or what I spend it on. Your DH is a dick.

Original poster
ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 17:49

We’ve both not long got in from work and I’ve broached this with him, asking if we can discuss. He’s got very angry, said if I want financial independence “that fucking badly” I can get a “real job” and start “pulling my weight”, before storming out to the pub.

OP posts:
MrsSethGecko · 17/07/2025 17:29

£30 on hair twice a year.
£0 eyebrows
£0 nails although it used to be £40 a month
£0 done to face/skin

I probably spend about £15 a month on bits of makeup. £10 every now and then for a new foundation.

Commonsense22 · 17/07/2025 17:27

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 14:27

His golf club membership is about £200 a month but he says it’s different as it’s exercise and he “networks” for his job

Show quote history

I don't have enough eyes to roll at your DH...

Bettysnow · 17/07/2025 17:25

Hair free as dil is a hairdresser and refuses to take money (bring her homemade lasagne /pie though). I grew my nails long so just use nail varnish. Eyebrows I tidy myself although I'm going to cave and get them done.

Original poster
ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 17:19

I have my workplace pensions but because of such a long time out on maternity etc it’s really nothing to write home about. I have a small amount of savings which I was going to invest into my pension but now I’m changing jobs that’s less likely, but I am going to have an NHS pension.

OP posts:
MidnightMeltdown · 17/07/2025 17:17

Hair I reckon about £500 per year (or £40 per month on average). This will be for 2 x balayage and 4 cuts.

Eyebrows probably £10 per month on threading

Massage maybe every 3 months or so £50

Maybe a pedicure in the spring £40ish

In total, I reckon about £800 - £900 per year

Allby · 17/07/2025 17:02

What @TomatoSandwiches said - do it through your job and pay into your pension straight from your salary - he won't see it and now your pay is changing there might be less questions.

He is trying to make you spend your savings so he can keep his - the boiler? Ffs.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/07/2025 16:47

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 16:17

No, he says we can just live off his pension. I have some savings (5 figures), which I’m hoping will help when it comes to pension time. But I’m also dipping into them every now and again, mainly if it’s an expense he won’t split - the boiler broke the other month and I had to pay for that etc.

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Who do you think will be in charge of the expenses on one pension?

Please go to see someone at your bank and look at starting your own pension, or workplace pension or both! Everyone needs one, you have the next 25yrs to fund yourself in old age, you can't rely on this man.

Floofle · 17/07/2025 16:41

I think the beauty treatments costs are a bit of a red herring (and I commented earlier).

The real issue is the imbalance in your financial power. You are married so all your assets are joint, and you should feel like a team.

DH and I have a joint account that we get paid into, then all the bills (car, mortgage, food, childcare etc) come out of that. We then get the same amount of "pocket money" into our personal accounts, which we spend on personal stuff (our own clothes, hobbies, presents, beauty treatments if I had them lol).

Anything left over in the joint account goes into the joint savings.

When I was on maternity leave, I contributed far less and still had exactly the same pocket money. When DH started his own business and I was still salaried, I contributed far more than him but we still always both get the same spending money.

nam3c4ang3 · 17/07/2025 16:26

i just do nail every 6 weeks - 45
hair twice a year - i dont care much for my hair tbh - 75 (i have waist long hair)
make up and skin care - astronomical as im an addict when it comes to that hahah

Overthebow · 17/07/2025 16:25

Nothing really at the moment, occasionally a haircut every few months. I’m about to start having a monthly massage though, we have enough money and we both get our own spending allowance each month so I thought why not.

Samesame47 · 17/07/2025 16:22

I spend nothing. My daughter aged 16 started cutting my hair during Covid and does as good a job as a hairdresser. I have my nails neat and natural. I shape my own eyebrows and don’t need to wax as had everything lasered off. So that does seem excessive to me BUT I have a horse and so far this month she’s cost me over £400 so I do spend just in different ways 😂

Original poster
ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 16:17

TomatoSandwiches · 17/07/2025 16:12

Did he pay into your pension during maternity leaves? No? Thought not, HE should be paying you back for your sacrifice and wage gap.
Do not give up the things that bring you joy.

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No, he says we can just live off his pension. I have some savings (5 figures), which I’m hoping will help when it comes to pension time. But I’m also dipping into them every now and again, mainly if it’s an expense he won’t split - the boiler broke the other month and I had to pay for that etc.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 17/07/2025 16:13

See a solicitor and see what he'd be owing you if you decided to divorce because of this financial abuse.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/07/2025 16:12

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 15:19

I think it’s because he earns nearly double what I do and so he’s been the one supporting the family, at times we were a one income household when the children were little so he sees it as me having to “pay him back” now

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Did he pay into your pension during maternity leaves? No? Thought not, HE should be paying you back for your sacrifice and wage gap.
Do not give up the things that bring you joy.

PrincessJasmine1 · 17/07/2025 16:12

£11 every 6 weeks for a box of hair colour and that's it. I used to spend 40+ on haircut every 2 months before, but I came to the conclusion that it was a waste of money, cause I didn't see any difference - I have naturally curly hair that just jump back to their original self after every wash. I've never had nails, eyebrows, done. I could afford all this, but not sure it would make me look better.

Original poster
ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 16:11

Allby · 17/07/2025 16:08

So where does his 50% go? If he earns 3x as much he must have over £750 a month!

If his golf club is an expense for work what the hell is childcare/ASC?!? Change the payments for those to the joint account.

This really isn't about hair care and getting your nails done. It's control.

Are you going to manage when your pay drops? Why don't you pay into the joint account in proportion to your earnings? The way I see it he owes you for years of childcare. This sort of thing makes me so cross!

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I’ll just cut from other areas, I might draw out of my premium bonds that I inherited from my grandmother. He says I owe him for the years that I didn’t work - a period of 5 years when we had a lot going on. I went back to work “proper” in 2015, when our youngest was 2. He thinks I owe him for that time

OP posts:
muddyford · 17/07/2025 16:10

A dry cut every six weeks, which is £20. I do my own nails and brows.

mrsm43s · 17/07/2025 16:10

ChattyChai · 17/07/2025 15:59

So I have a bank account that my salary goes into, on payday I have standing orders and direct debits that go out - a standing order to our joint account (50% of my salary goes into the joint account, 50% of his goes).

the joint account is mortgage, bills etc., his golf club membership.

20% goes out to the savings accounts - 15% joint and 5% a solo account.

I then have payments that go out from my salary which include the childcare, after school clubs etc. I don’t count this in my “take home” pay because I realistically never see it. I’ve not seen it for about 5 years now. I’d say that takes up most of the rest of my income.

the £250 does everything else - self care, petrol for my car, car insurance etc. over the year. It’s tight but I manage my money to the penny.

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Yeah, you need to rejig stuff to make it more equitable.

Genuinely, I wouldn't have problems with the golf club membership being a joint expense.

But the other stuff needs to be split more evenly.

If I was you, I'd knock up a spreadsheet. I'd then get both salaries paid into the joint account. All joint expenses paid for out of the joint account (including childcare and petrol), standing orders to savings out of the joint account and a standing order each for the same amount of personal spends going into your personal accounts. I'd expect personal spends to cover beauty, non essential clothes, solo days out and trips (i.e. not family ones), and treats, tech and presents. Everything else I would expect to come out of the joint account.