Friend bringing friend on 80th birthday hol and making us pay

First of all, that sounds like an awesome 80th birthday! I hope I’m still doing cool trips like that when I’m 80!

Say no, if she persists then just go with your DH. Definitely do not sacrifice your big birthday out of guilt or social pressure, after all you only get one 80th birthday!

I don’t understand how or why you are such great friends with someone (great enough to go on such a milestone birthday holiday with!!) who ‘victim blames and flys off the handle’ so much!!

You obviously KNOW that her request (demand?) is UTTERLY RIDICULOUS! So tell her to get to fuck! Why on earth are you so concerned about shutting this nonsense down??

Who even suggests that a mate spends hundreds (thousands?) of pounds paying for someone else’s holiday?!?

I can’t even believe that this is real actually, it’s so preposterous!

So she flies off the handle when people say no to her, like a toddler.

Don’t go along with this plan, the friend is being absolute CF and you’ll be miserable. Just say no that doesn’t work for you, you’ll just go with your DH.

Honestly OP, I’m too old for this shit and I’m in my 40s. Say no.

Yes I guess ideally OP would rather not have CF there at all in which case the message needs to specifically detail this.

I hope @SparklyBrickHare is seeing all these great drafts!

I mean, it’s a little concerning that you even have to ask - are you usually a people pleaser so she thought you’d just roll over?
It’s spectacularly unreasonable for her to even ask you to do this.
I would reply that it’s not what we arranged, doesn’t work for me, am still up for going as a 4 or can arrange to go seperate to them with your husband if she’s dead set on including the lonely one (is it my narcissistic mother? Lonely because she hates everyone and is endlessly rude & entitled? Totally the sort of thing she’d tag along to regardless if she was wanted or not)

Cheeky friend. I'd say no and she either sticks to the original plan or you go with just your husband. Why should you pay for someone else. Ridiculous 🤣

‘We can’t really have any fall outs because we need to get it booked quickly.’

Well you can because book with your husband and go with him. I wouldn’t be going with a friend who has the audacity to ask me to pay for anyone else.

No, this implies OP would actually be fine with the person she doesn’t like crashing her once in a lifetime landmark birthday trip, provided she doesn’t pay. I wouldn’t give any space for CF to come with.

PP response of simply it’s the 4 of us or just me and DH, and leave the ball in their court. You can add as much or little flavour to this as you like.

”No Susan, I don’t have the budget to pay for the expenses of another person, never mind someone I don’t always get along well with. This is such an important trip, and to celebrate our birthdays. I was so looking forward to doing it the four of us. If you’d rather go with CF then I can arrange to go alone with just my DH. I would be disappointed though as we’ve been speaking about/planning this for a good long time.”

Please let us know what happens, OP!

Perfect response

Not sure what your AIBU is, but I’d sack them both off, and go with your DH. I kind of get her wanting to bring said lonely friend (does she know you don’t like her much though?) but to ask you to pay towards her is outrageous! So this person is essentially getting a freebie!!

"What would you do?"

I would say no.

I voted YABU, to not have said no, as soon as it came up.

Just scrap the whole thing and, as others have said, book something yourself with your DH. This trip already seems fraught so what is the point of putting yourself through it. Just say "Sorry Jackie, but we won't be able to go (insert some excuse). Hope you and Dave have a nice time in the Grand Canyon with Agatha"

This

The only reply necessary. This is perfect

I don't blame you for being annoyed. It is supposed to be a big celebration.

Does she know you don't like her other friend? If you want to be gentle I would say ''Shelly is OK but I really couldn't spend a week with her. Can you maybe do something locally with her to have your own celebration. Anyway I couldn't afford to pay for her regardless!''

Make sure you get to Vegas for your 80th though what an amazing way to celebrate. I went at 21 it is just a different world

Just say no and if she chooses not to come then just you and your DH go.
Your "friend" sounds like a pain anyway

You will have to screw your courage to the sticking place and say no.

A mish mash response based on PP and my own:

“That doesn’t work for me I’m afraid Jackie. That’s lovely you want to help your friend though. So are you able to cover the cost of CF so we can all go as a group still or will you be changing your plans? Let me know by X date and time so I can proceed with the booking”.

Surely by age 80 you must be able to stick up for yourself and tell her it doesn't work for you and wish her well with her trip

This!
I would be furious if someone hijacked my holiday plans in that way! Absolutely ridiculous to expect you to fund a vacation for a person you don’t particularly like just because they’re lonely!

Perfect response.

Just say no, why didn't you do that straight away?

Don't do this. Just say no in whatever way you feel comfortable. This is YOUR celebration and holiday and it's expensive and you shouldn't have to pay more for someone you don't like joining or to compromise your enjoyment of the trip by having them there.

BTW, you'll still have a fabulous time if you go with just your dh, so even if she takes it badly, you have a back up!!

Also, if she takes it badly she's a shitty friend. She should care about what you want and in this case, what you want trumps what her friend might want, because it's your birthday celebration!