Ex’s friends and family spying on me on Facebook

Post what you want
Their reactions their problem
Smile and wave

This is why I no longer have social media. Ultimately no one is interested in "inspirational quotes" and your kids probably don't want to have photos of their day to day lives on your Facebook.

I say post what you like but change your settings so that only certain people see everything you post. As above you can categorise people into different groups.

As he is your ex I don't know why someone is sharing your posts with him it is none of his business and I am sure this person isn't also sharing your ex's posts with you. If you know who this is I would block or delete them. They are shit stirring and causing trouble for you. Don't be nice to them, they certainly are not being nice to you.

I didn't blame it completely on his ex slagging him off on FB. It was a culmination of as I said in my original post, the breakdown of his marriage (both were to blame), the loss of his home, the loss of seeing his children daily, he was working but paying to rent elsewhere and also paying his mortgage, the cost can be huge in relationship breakdown and not evenly shared. The additional cost of his ex posting shit on FB didn't help. But their children can see that when they grow up for themselves. The constant digs became another thing and he was at rock bottom so didn't see another way. His children have lost a lovely man. If only people think a bit before posting private things or digs on social media, people have feelings.

I agree.

What’s with all the commenters stating OP shouldn’t post what she likes?
‘Mundane’ or not.
You don’t get to police what someone else does with their social media, nor do you get to decide if it’s interesting enough.

Lots of self important posters on here 🙄

Every time you make a post, think about who you want to read it and adjust the audience.
You can put all these friends into a single group, and then easily make any possibly problematic post 'friends except x group'

They're not mutual friends any longer if they're screenshotting your posts and sending to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd have fun: post pics of tropical holiday brochures, flying first class. A new car. Maybe a wagatha Christie themed pic

its effectively him stalking you via his flying monkeys.

block them/unfriend them.

If they're sharing your posts, they're NOT your friends.

I'd start sharing stuff deliberately to wind them up knowing it would be reported back. Or do a Wagatha Christie to find out exactly who it is sharing it if you don't know.

Post what you want about your life, it’s your life and up to you. If people have access and want to view it, they can. Tell your ex you are fully aware of what you’ve posted and he doesn’t need to tell you his or other people’s opinions about your posts. You can’t live your life for other people (kids aside and within reason).

When I split with my abusive x years ago I blocked all his family, I blocked mutual friends or asked them to either delete me or him off my facebook - I had to go complete NC

Its very sad he took his own life of course but I dont think you can blame it completely on his ex posting on Facebook.

People who are posting that are “mutual” friends are in fact his friends. Block and don’t look back.

Whether it’s “cringe” or not it’s your social media and it’s up to you what you want to do with it. Who cares if you’re posting inspirational quotes?

I’d be way more embarrassed to be a presumably grown adult running around with e-gossip like a 12 year old. They need to grow up and get a life.

dpending on if you have kids together etc and depending on the marriage it can provide extra intelligence of whats what etc

when you go to share a post you can select eg all friends but ,1,2 etc as i have used the settings to do similar.

When I was leaving my xh I put all his family and friends on restricted, why wouldn't you?!

If I were your ex I'd ask people to stop sending me the screenshots, for a start. Who wants to see that, especially from an ex?

If I were a mutual friend, having to read such stuff would move me firmly into your ex's camp. None of it is uplifting or original: it reads like trite junk. I'd be muting or even unfriending you.

Maybe his friends saw your posts as digs at him? I can't understand the need to share so much on FB etc, especially with settings so everyone can see and then whinge that someone might take offence to a post that possibly might be seen as a dig at someone they like/are related to etc.

An ex friend posted some stuff about her ex, several months later he committed suicide, he struggled not only with the separation, the loss of his home (she remained in home with children), the loss of seeing his children daily, he was penniless and broken and both were at fault in their relationship, but the constant digs on social media where he thought everyone could see and judge him were a step too far. Why do people wash their dirty laundry on social media anyway... is it so that ex sees it/family sees it/friends see it? There are other ways. Anyway their children have lost a good dad even if he may have been not a great husband.

It's very simple. Anyone who is sharing details of your private posts to wind up your ex is not part of your new life and you need to swiftly delete them.

I don’t think you were being insensitive. I think you’re questioning it because of the damage the emotional abuse has caused you. It’s great that you’ve found something to inspire you and lift you up.

When you break up with someone, you’ll always have some on their side and some on yours. Change your privacy settings/unfriend anyone but close friends. Build your tribe and your circle based on people you trust and who lift you up.

Agree with this. It all sounds very embarrassing 😬

They’re not mutual friends if they’re sharing your posts. Remove them.

Yes, sorry, sharing inspirational quotes from that book sounds like a dig at him (I’m not judging - he might deserve it) but it’s naive to think it doesn’t sound that way.

Honestly, if I see stuff like this on fb I find it really cringe. Keep it classy, keep it private.