To cancel my wedding

What does he want attendants for you for? I had a small wedding, 40 people, no bridesmaids. A couple of my friends came wedding dress shopping with me. The rest of the wedding was arranged between DH and I, and we only had what both of us wanted. No evening do. No cars. Very simple. I appreciate you have family coming over from abroad so might have to offer slightly more, but it doesn't have to be huge or fancy.

Just suck it up and get on with it. It's only going to be as naff as you let it be! If you prefer something low key, have that, it can still be 'big' if you've invited lots of people. You can get a pizza van and a cocktail bar and a dance floor. Wear a bright pink dress, just suit yourself.

And definitely he can organise it. Make him do all guest list related stuff, all comms with caterers and venue. Make him run creative and aesthetic decisions by you.

OP, I can feel how desperately stressed and over-burdened you are from your posts. Can you ask yourself whether your partner would prefer a relationship breakdown due to your stress, or a simple, elegant registry office marriage with your parents and child only? The important part is the commitment you are making to them, not the guests. Your friends and family will understand.

Be honest? You´re not Princess Di, the day before her weddidng when she saw published Charles´s photos with a blonde (who almost everyone supposed was her) and she knew better. Now that was pressure.

That was me and we agreed on a small wedding at a registry office followed by a reception at a local wine bar. Not too pricey, not too much planning.

My friend had a lovely wedding in a registry offfice with every one back to a pub garden with sandwiches. Was all lovely, beautiful summers day. She didnt wear a wedding dress or even white. Was still a lovely celebration without the prescribed typical wedding stuff.

Right. If you can't sit down with your life partner and discuss this like grownups, then should you be marrying him or even be with him? Tell your mother to just shut up and butt out and sort this out with your partner. Have invitations gone out? Circumstances do change and the people who you have told who might be upset because your circumstances have changed can butt out too.
"it needs to be nice. He has very basic tastes" Now actually this I find worrying and quite critical of the person you are calling your life partner....
It seems to me, as others have said, that you are hunting for excuses.....

Can't you move it to much later and do it more cheaply. That is if you want to get married. Until after your exams.

Well, you are creating your own problems.

If he is happy with basic then do basic. Large and expensive is not compulsory, especially if neither of you actually want it.

Edited to say I have read your recent update and it's him wanting the faffy bits. That's not basic?

Anyhoo, if he wants faff, then let HIM organise it. Tell him you have too much on your plate.

If you actually want to get married that is....

Gosh, he has really hit the jackpot with you 😳

Either he plans the whole wedding if it’s him who wants it, or you have a register office wedding. We had the latter and a lovely meal afterwards and it was amazing. Wouldn’t change a thing and then spent our saved money on a mega once in a lifetime honeymoon.

We wrote out the amount we would save not doing a wedding and what we could spend it on instead. Then we thought about the time we’d have spare not planning 1 day that we might be sick for/have thunderstorms etc. It really has to be something you both want more than that time and money back, can you sell it to him like that? I get wanting the people you know there but lots of people find weddings a hassle and there’s only so much time to talk to people. It also doesn’t matter what you’ve told them, they will understand if they’re worth inviting. I’m glad I got married for the benefits it brings but it took a day of planning and cost a few hundred pounds and I don’t regret it.

For the love of God next Easter is a long way off. People will get over it if you cancel. Your partner, if he's a good man, will also get over it. If he needs marriage to feel 'secure' in your love for him then maybe the relationship isn't as good as you think?

You need to be honest with everyone, but most of all to yourself. If you aren't honest now, you just push the problem down the road whereupon it will erupt, probably ten times bigger, at some point in the future.

In the nicest possible way OP I think you’ve lost the plot about this wedding. Putting all your (non)excuses to one side - do you really want to marry this man? If you are unsure or know that you really don’t, then you should cancel the wedding now. I speak from experience when I say that to do otherwise will cause far more problems.
If you do want to marry your partner then talk about what you want and do it on your own terms, not on the expectations of others. Don’t worry that you’ve already told others your elaborate plans - I honestly believe that in the circumstances the vast majority of people will think that changing them for something simpler is absolutely the right thing to do.
It won’t take you a minute on here to find plenty of wedding guests moaning about extravagant weddings they’ve been to so don’t think that you’ll be disappointing everyone, as you most certainly won’t.
If you continue with your existing plans you’ll be forever resentful of all the time, energy and money you’ve spent on something you didn’t want to do.
If OH and I had our time again we would have gone to the registry office with our closest family, then had a lovely meal afterwards to celebrate. I appreciate that this is not for everyone, but honestly you don’t need all the extras like bridesmaids, weddings albums etc

Stop being a perfectionist. No idea what attendents are but if they are your friends just say you want them with you, they can all pick their own dress in x colour. Honestly the best weddings are the relaxed ones so take the pressure off for it to be amazing. You have a dp that loves you, wants to marry you either let go a bit with the control or cancel it.

Op I once laughed when someone said sit down, in absolute silence and write down what it is you want. If you had no pressures. I did it and stared at it for minutes. You can’t get married if you don’t want to get married.

The wedding doesn't have to be some massive affair. Take the exam and have a quieter, relaxed wedding. People seem to go to ridiculous extremes nowadays spending huge amounts of time, stress and money on the event. Marriage can be important, as it is to your partner, but weddings really aren't.

Your poor partner.

Why on earth would you agree to get married, and start arranging a big wedding, if you don't want to get married? Why weren't you just honest from the start?

Cancelling a wedding that's already booked sends a very negative message to all concerned. If I was on the receiving end of that, I would probably end the relationship.

It seems the issue is that your family live abroad, therefore it needs to be an upscale event to justify them making the effort?

Why don’t you downscale everything, just bring your parents over for a small wedding. Then get your wedding-loving mother to arrange a party abroad for you to fly over & celebrate a bit later.

Also bridesmaids don’t have to match the groomsmen/ushers. Just have your daughter as a flower girl and you can walk down the aisle together.

Finally, I don’t know anyone you had a big second wedding, especially when it’s the bride that has previously been married.

Don’t get married if you don’t want to. Be honest with him. He can then decide if this is the relationship for him. Everything else is a red herring.

Don’t get married if you don’t want to. Be honest with him. He can then decide if this is the relationship for him. Everything else is a red herring.

You go to the registry office with two witnesses and do it.

Does your partner want marriage, or does he want a wedding. The two are different.

Not what you said in your OP though. 'I don't want to get married' is what you said.

@OrangeCrushes

Of course you can cancel it. (And just have a tiny registry office wedding instead.) Also, it's next Easter. People have 9 months notice to cancel any hotel rooms or holiday leave.

Why are you getting married if you don't want to though? I wouldn't be getting married just because my partner wanted to. I would have to want to get married.