To cancel my wedding

I wouldn't worry about other people, Easter is ages away.

In this situation I'd tell my DP that I was finding wedding planning too stressful/expensive and would rather elope/go to the registry office. If DP still wants a big wedding I'd say I'm happy to turn up on the day, but all the planning is down to him.

6 weeks is impressive.
We got married 3 months after engagement- to tie in with school holidays. Church wedding, 150 guests, catered, flowers, music, the whole shebang. It’s very doable.
Only you @OrangeCrushes know whether it’s cold
feet due to timings and logistics or a deeper issue.

Here’s what happens. You get married to please your partner and then some years later you end up divorced. Been there☹️

If you really don't want to be married then don't. That's absolutely ok. But you need to have that conversation with him. If you can't then you definitely shouldn't be considering marrying him.

And that's the problem. Either OP wants a wedding or not. If he wants the wedding and is prepared to do it, then she should let him. Otherwise it sounds like she cares more than she's saying.

What a crock of shit. Lots of people don't want to get married. It's an old fashioned institution created for the benefit of men and they've sold us this fairytale about the big white wedding so they can carry on controlling us. OP has stated she has had some bad relationships in the past and if she doesn't want to marry again that's her prerogative isn't it?
Research shows that married men are happier than single men and single women are happier than married women. I wonder why that is? Oh is it because once they put a ring on it and get you to knock out some kids they expect you to do everything for them and everything for the kids until the day you die. Yeah it might be that maybe. 🤔

You talk a lot about how you can't back out as you've told people, you can't do this because, you have to do this because... how about you realise you have autonomy and so does everyone else. This is your life. You should live it the best way for your daughter and you. Everyone else will just deal with it if the wedding is postponed or cancelled. If he's such a good man he'll understand it's not personal. But you sound a bit wah wah wah.

I had a relatively big and fancy wedding. It really didn’t take a huge amount of time to plan, especially given you already have the date and venue, so I think all the stuff about the exam, redundancy and your daughter are ref herrings. It’s about whether you want to marry and, if so, what type of wedding you want to have.

In your OP you said you don’t want to get married and that is just as valid as your DP saying they do, in this case you need to talk and come to an agreement together.

If in fact it’s the quote here ‘can’t be bothered’ then I think you’re the one that should compromise but that doesn’t mean you don’t get a say in how the day goes!

Needy isn't a nice way to describe your child who is seeking reassurance from you after her other parent abused her. Sort that out.

Tell your fiancé you don't want to get married. Like everyone else in a relationship where one wants to get married and the other doesn't, he can decide. Stay with you unmarried or leave.

It's really not that difficult.

My Masters dissertation was due the week I got married. Didn’t impact on either. Difference was I wanted to get married. I think this is the crux of the matter. You don’t want this so don’t do it!!

I literally have no idea why you’re getting married. You’re not being honest with someone who you’re going to commit to, I think you need to tell him how you feel and stop worrying about what everyone else will think!!

Then marry him but stop being passive about the whole thing and tell him you will marry him, but you don’t want the performance.

cancel the wedding and go to a registry office. Done!

Well my boyfriend’s to this would be strong them along for 13 years 🤣🤣🤣

You really should tell your partner how you feel about marriage .

Of course he'll be upset , but not as upset as he'd be if he doesn't discover your feelings until after you're married .

OP, two abusive relationships and you are now contemplating a 3rd marriage due to pressure.

Good men do not put pressure like this on someone with a child that has gone through so much.

I think you need to halt this now.
It sounds like a disaster.

Your priority should be only your child during this very stressful time, not fulfilling the needs of another man.

If he genuinely cares about you, he would understand this.

Just do small registry office and have a big party if you want to get married. No need to bankrupt yourself financially and mentally for an event that people will forget within a couple of months.

With this additional information, I think that this is good advice. You don't want to get married, you're not in the right place.
Don't.

yes, i've read a great deal of such fare. far less opportunities for women, indeed, but a 'choice' nonetheless.

How long have you been with your fiancé @OrangeCrushes

It sounds like you should reschedule the wedding.
Find a suitable time to speak to you partner, regarding your concerns, that you have mentioned on here!
It's vital that you & your partner feel the same way, it should be a joyful occasion.
If you have doubts regarding the dates, not really working for you! I think it would be best for you, partner, family & friends to be honest. They are not going to think any less of you!

Do it at the registry, you can wear normal clothes, take 2 witnesses with you, you don't have to have a party after. It's quicker than going for a coffee.

If you don't want to BE married to your partner then that's another issue if they're super keen. But if it's just the stress of the wedding that's getting to you, you absolutely don't need to do that!

@OrangeCrushes it has only been a couple of months since your last thread about the appalling abuse being perpetrated by your ex, and only ten months since your first about him, when he was being forcibly reintroduced to your daughter after the courts found your reports of child ahuse to be evidence of ‘parental alienation’.

All this is ongoing. You, and your poor, poor daughter must be utterly fried.

How on earth can you even contemplate involving another man? How long can you have been together?

Please, please cancel this. If this man is any good at all, he’ll wait until you’ve both healed. I really think you’re rushing this and what is most worrying of all, is you’re putting this supposedly good man and his ‘hurt feelings’ (boo-fucking-hoo) above the needs and feelings of both your daughter and yourself.

Please don’t do that.

That’s horrendous, I’m really sorry.