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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel like every question is more like an allegation?

31 replies

N27 · 17/07/2025 10:12

I need to sense check this as it’s one of those things that has been bubbling away in my head all morning and is driving me mad.

Pretty much EVERY question posed by my DH, no more how simple, is to my mind posed as more of an allegation than a question. For example:

Q- Have we not got any butter?
Acceptable alternative would be “Have we got any more butter?” (Or using your eyes and opening the fridge you are stood next to)

Q- Have I not got any tea?

Q- Have you not put any washing in?

Q- Have you not picked the prescription up?

Q - Have you not replied to that letter?

You get the point. I am 100% sure he’s not intending to be sarcastic or unkind in any way but to me the inclusion of the word “not” just turns it into a criticism/allegation rather than a genuine and innocent enquiry.

Happy to be told if I am being over sensitive and should just suck it up!

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 17/07/2025 10:19

It could be dialect because I don't talk like that and don't know anyone who does. Sounds like you've got a parent/child relationship which is very unsexy.

Lafufufu · 17/07/2025 10:19

I would repeat it back to him. Every time.

... Have we got any butter?

Q- Have you not got any tea?

Q- Have you not put any washing in?

Q- Have you not picked the prescription up?

Q - Have you not replied to that letter?

Gotta fight fire with fire 🔥

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 17/07/2025 10:17

I'd guess the only way to counter it is to turn it round onto him...?

'Have we not got any butter?' - I don't know, have you bought any?
'Where's my tea?' - I don't remember you saying you wanted any.
'Have you not put any washing in?' - No, I haven't, have YOU?

Etc.

Nikki75 · 17/07/2025 10:17

Is he saying it this way having known already there is no butter or washing done at that moment .
If so I'd tell him to change his tone or else.

BerolDryWipe · 17/07/2025 10:14

I get exactly what you mean, I feel this way with my partner, but our relationship is over as I have checked out.

If your relationship is good, then maybe you are being sensitive, but for me it's because I no longer like my partner and everything out of his mouth annoys me 🙄

ArabiattaPrawn · 17/07/2025 10:14

YANBU. Saying "have you not" is saying you have forgotten to do something and it sounds arsey. All of those things are also things he could do himself.

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