To feel like every question is more like an allegation?

Could just be dialectal. I phrase things like this sometimes (Irish) although not usually in the type of example you mention because, you’re right, it can come across as accusatory.

Just speak to him about it to gauge if he is being arsey or not. Some people just speak like that all the time with no malice but others do it as a passive aggressive thing. From there you can decide what works for you, like him asking in a different way, him not asking and just sorting it himself, just ignoring him etc

Oh God, I identify. I've really started taking issue with it recently though. DH, the other night when I'm going out for dinner with friends (first time in ages) he asks when dinner will be ready. I said, 'when you make it', and carried on typing my email. He was like, 'oh'. And then went to make his dinner. Slow hand clap.

Dh is similar (not exact wording but the implication is it’s my issue)
I now put things back to him-

is there any butter?
did you check the fridge

we need to do washing (we always = me)
do you want to grab the basket it’s upstairs just stick it on a 40

or I just ignore -

Those shelf’s need a clean
yes they do (nothing more happens)!

How tiresome. I would just answer No to all these questions.
I got fed up of being asked where stuff was and now mainly answer " i don't know, have you checked in the garage" to everything.
Get asked far less now. My brain is not your tool. Go find if yourself. 🤨

A lot of it can be perception of a person. On Mumsnet, all men are manipulative bastards, even our loving partners, so confirmation bias comes in. There were certain ways my DP had of asking questions, said in a brusque tone, which I firmly vetoed:

• Sticking “or not?” on the end of every “have you done” question. It sounds slightly aggressive to me.
• “Have you laid the table yet?” When he hadn’t asked me to.
• ”I should have made you buy milk.” Nobody makes me do anything. I don’t mind being asked to do things.

Dh went through a phase of this, not that turn of phrase but asking if we had butter/ cheese instead of checking. Or asking 'where do we keep the...' instead of looking. After I started to see a pattern I used to shrug or say 'why don't you check if you aren't sure?' It started to get on my nerves so when we was just sitting down relaxing I'd say 'why don't you go familiarise yourself with the cupboards now, you seem to have trouble finding things..' I did this a few times and he stopped asking! Or if he did it was reasonable like 'sorry I can't find the ketchup anywhere, would you know if we have it.' Which I have no problem with.

I’d just reply “yes”. It can mean either answer when the question is phrased negatively. I.e. “Yes, we don’t have any butter” or “Yes we do have butter”. Eventually he will learn to ask positively which then sounds less like an accusation.

I’m guessing this is a recent thing and not dialect, as you would have noticed it before? It would annoy the shit out of me honestly

I would say something like is everything ok because your tone of voice says it isnt and its bothering me how your speaking to me .

Agree it could be a dialect thing. As PP mentioned it’s something Irish people would say - could he have picked it up from someone in his family/ a friend/ housemate?

Where in Yorkshire? I'm from just over the Pennines and we say "Have you not" all the time. It's very context-dependent and clearly you know he means it pass-agg. I will say "Have you not done a wash?" if I get home and DH said he would but hasn't, but I'll also say "Have you not been to Spain?" etc.

Return every question to you with a question to him.

“Have you not pushing any washing on”
“DH, no I haven’t, have you put any washing on?”

”Do we not have any more butter?”
”I don’t know DH, did you not put it on the list if you saw it was running low?”

You are not responsible for everything in the household. He’s a grown ass man and is more than capable of giving his equal contribution.

No, you're right. The 'not' stops it being a genuine question and turns it into a rhetorical one. He says 'not' because he already knows or thinks he knows its a negative. So I'd be telling him to please stop asking questions that aren't questions. Either ask 'have we any butter?' If he doesn't know. Or if he knows you haven't at least have the courage to ask 'why have we not got any butter?' so you can explain that you are one of two equal adults in the home who both have the means and opportunity to check on household stock of dairy products, and replenish as required.

It sounds very Irish. Gaelic is a bit like German, I’m told, in that the subject and the verb are placed differently to English.

I'd hate this too. Just talk to him about it. If you're right and he doesn't do it intentionally he might stop if you explain it to him. It's worth a try.

Is he from Lancashire by any chance? My housemate at uni has this turn of phrase & is from Clitheroe.

Urgh my DH does this so I just ask him the same Q back. Every time.
I'm peri too so can't be arsed with taking that shit.

I wouldn't even say 'i left that for you to do'.

It implies it was your job and that you've delegated it without saying something !
<nit picking>

It’s controlling using a passive voice. Why doesn’t he get the prescription or put the washing on or use his eyes and common sense to assess the butter situation then resolve its absence in the fridge by shifting his backside to the shop to buy more? He has eyes, legs, and at least half a brain. Or am I being presumptuous?
Sorry. Two divorces under my belt and no tolerance for husbands and their need to be man about the house (especially the sotto voce man about the house who exerts control oh so quietly). He wants a slap, OP.

I agree with you - with these examples he is not asking 'if', he's asking why you haven't ....

Agree with PP - turn it round. Answer his question with one of your own. Have YOU bought butter? Have YOUdone the laundry?

The correct answers to those questions are

"I don't know. Have you not made us anything?"

And "No, I left that for you to do."