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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

190 replies

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 01:42

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 17/07/2025 02:46

Don’t put the boys in the middle. Message their dad and say hi Joe, there seems to be a misunderstanding, we aren’t making the boys all wear the same thing for our wedding, we have told them we want them to be comfortable. So we won’t be buying them new suits. Hazel.

orwellwasright2025 · 17/07/2025 02:45

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 02:36

They do not want to match, the eldest would want to wear a black suit, the youngest the exact opposite as the oldest, the pair of them have fallen out over something and if the oldest said the sky was blue and the grass is green he would argue with him about it. Right now the youngest thinks his oldest brother is a complete idiot. The middle one would want to wear a bright purple suit and green shirt like the joker as anything that can get him noticed the better.

Show quote history

None of this is your battle at all, don't communicate at all with your dh about anything beyond absolutely necessary and tell your sons they will have to sort it out issues with their dad with their dad.

Ponderingwindow · 17/07/2025 02:37

It wouldn’t matter if you had billions. It’s his wedding. He buys suits if he wants his sons to match.

Otherwise they wear what they have in their closets.

Original poster
hazelowens · 17/07/2025 02:36

Geraldina · 17/07/2025 02:27

I feel a bit sorry for your sons caught in the middle.

Turn it round. Don't tell him to buy suits or hire them. Tell him they will be getting suits but not matching ones for your wedding, and leave it there.

Also check with your sons first that they would actually prefer to all choose their own separately, if you haven't already. Don't assume that they don't want to match, or you'll look like you're the one picking a fight.

They do not want to match, the eldest would want to wear a black suit, the youngest the exact opposite as the oldest, the pair of them have fallen out over something and if the oldest said the sky was blue and the grass is green he would argue with him about it. Right now the youngest thinks his oldest brother is a complete idiot. The middle one would want to wear a bright purple suit and green shirt like the joker as anything that can get him noticed the better.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 17/07/2025 02:34

Stay out of it.

Just make sure your DC all know that you don't expect them to be in matching suits (or any kind of suit!) for your wedding.

Your ex can do whatever he likes from there. Cheeky git

Geraldina · 17/07/2025 02:27

I feel a bit sorry for your sons caught in the middle.

Turn it round. Don't tell him to buy suits or hire them. Tell him they will be getting suits but not matching ones for your wedding, and leave it there.

Also check with your sons first that they would actually prefer to all choose their own separately, if you haven't already. Don't assume that they don't want to match, or you'll look like you're the one picking a fight.

Original poster
hazelowens · 17/07/2025 02:24

Hollyhobbi · 17/07/2025 02:08

Are you getting married again too op?

Yes but not until next year we haven't even thought of a date yet.

Also to add him and his fiance both work full time on decent money. I am disabled and my partner is my carer so we don't have a lot of money to be buying suits that aren't for our wedding.

OP posts:
tamade · 17/07/2025 02:20

Not your circus,

cheesycheesy · 17/07/2025 02:17

He can buy them! Tight arse

orwellwasright2025 · 17/07/2025 02:15

You don't pay for the suits he wants, obviously. Your ex has no say at all in anything you choose to buy for yourself or your children.

Hufflemuff · 17/07/2025 02:13

Your posts quite confusing? Are you also getting married? Perhaps he was hoping you'd buy them suits and then they'd wear them for his wedding too?

Either way - his wedding, his responsibility to buy them.

Hollyhobbi · 17/07/2025 02:08

Are you getting married again too op?

MarxistMags · 17/07/2025 01:59

If he wants them in suits then definitely he has to pay for them !

Robin67 · 17/07/2025 01:57

Yup, see above. I agree

RosesAndHellebores · 17/07/2025 01:46

If their father wants to dictate the sort of suits they wear, he needs to pay.

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