Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

I think all you need to respond is that if there is a dress code for the wedding it’s up to their Dad to sort.
I understand not wanting to put them in the middle but they are not little kids.

This sounds as though your Ex is continuing to try to control you after the divorce.
As PP have said he has no say in what you do anymore and his arrangements and preferences for his wedding are up to him and his to pay for.

It's nothing to do with you. The boys are old enough to communicate with their dad and need to speak up. I thought they were going to be young children, not adults. Next time they see their dad they need to say we don't want matching suits, though for many weddings this is the norm that the main figures wear matching but the groom usually pays for this.

The sons are also old enough to buy their own suits. And sort their demanding father out. His wishes are nothing to do with OP. She isn't putting them in the middle of anything.

So send him that message OP

why the fuck is it your responsibility to pay for them.

your ex is a knob.

I thought this was going to be about little kids, but no, they are grown men! All OP needs to do is stay out of it, and possibly message ex telling him that’s what she’ll be doing so the sons aren’t caught in the middle.

You are not unreasonable at all. I don’t understand why his first thought is that their mum would buy them a suit - they are fully grown adults! How patronising for them. Also, unless they are part of the wedding party (in which case I’d assume they’d be wearing the same colour as their dad), why should they be matching? And if they are part of the wedding party, that’s the wedding couple’s responsibility to sort, not yours. Definitely stand your ground!

Why do they all have to look the same? Young adults are individuals,with their own taste. I'm all for the Joker suit actually, if it means your middle son feels comfortable. If your ex wants them in identical suits he should pay for them. CF, honestly.

Tell their dad: "If you have special requirements for our sons' suits I count on you to sort that out with them. I am not involved in your wedding nor do I plan to be."
Then Grey rock.

This is all you need to do

It's the ex H wedding and your DC are all adults. Not sure why you are expecting to buy their suits?

If dad wants matching suits he pays or sons pay if they are happy to. It’s no concern of yours . Then same for your wedding, can you imagine saying to your ex “buy our sons suits for my wedding!”

Id message and say ds mentioned new suits, you can’t afford new suits so you are having them in suits they own for your wedding. And leave him to figure logistics for his wedding.

Why are you even entertaining a conversation about this? Why have your sons? They’re adults, they’re presumably capable of pointing out to their dad suits for his wedding isn’t their mother's responsibility.

Your ex wedding isn’t any of your concern and sending a message through your sons is not acceptable behaviour.

just let your sons know they are adults and you’ll not be getting involved in your ex wedding as it’s not your event. Your sons need to sort out with him themselves what is happening.

Your kids are adults let them communicate with their father.

“he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding.”

How was this message conveyed to you? If he told your DSs, they are old enough to say to him that they will all be wearing something different for your wedding, and he can hire and pay for something specific if that’s what he wants them in for his wedding. If he communicated in some other way, then send the answer via the same method (text/phone/whatever). There is no way that you should be having anything whatsoever to do with his wedding!! You don’t need to be rude, but just let him know that you have absolutely no intention of getting matching suits for his wedding - that’s entirely up to him.

I thought the boys were going to be under 18. Even if they were, agree with PP - exH needs to see that this is his wedding, his dress code, his cost!

They are all adults - why are you getting involved? They can talk to their Dad directly, just make clear to them that you won’t be shelling out

All of your offspring are adults. As difficult as it may be, I think you step out of their relationship with their father. Let them know clearly that you don’t want them in matching clothing for your wedding. They can tell their father if they don’t have money/don’t want to buy new suits. He can then decide what he wants to do.

This.

All the kids are 18 and over, they’re adults. I can’t see why you need to communicate with him about anything. He can arrange it with them if he wants, but I’d tell him the arrangements are nothing to do with you and he can work it out with them.

Tell your sons that they can wear whatever they want to your wedding. And tell them that if their father imposes a dress code for his then he should pay for it.

Then stay out it it.

What a cheeky fucker, though. I'd like you to wear identical suits for my wedding so your mother can buy them for you.

If he has something specific he wants them to wear he needs to arrange it, not you. They are all adults so it's a bit odd to be dictating what they wear, and dressing them matching like they are little children anyways.

Definitely DO not communicate with your ex, he is a controlling shitwit and thinks he can get round you.

Every one of your sons is an adult and every one knows what their father is like. Not your job to mediate, at all. And, as you say, they don't want to do what their father wants anyway.

Completely 100 percent an ex husband problem. Don't respond to his demands or comments on it at all.