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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

190 replies

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 01:42

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

OP posts:
yellowdress34 · 17/07/2025 08:00

First poster nails it.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 17/07/2025 07:54

I’d send a polite message but snippy message saying you can’t afford to contribute to his wedding but you wish him all the best.

sonoonetoldyoulifewasgonnabethisway · 17/07/2025 07:53

Tell ExH to either buy them suits or hire them suits, it's not down to you

LlynTegid · 17/07/2025 07:49

How often would they wear a suit otherwise? Saying no to this request (or your sons saying no) is being considerate for avoiding low use clothing.

pandp · 17/07/2025 07:47

Why is your ex actually involving you in this, your sons are all adults he should be talking to them about what they are wearing not issuing instructions to you. Personally I think matching suits are naff unless they are groomsmen and can understand why they want to do their own thing, they are individual characters... Distance yourself from the discussion and make him sort it out. Maybe his lack of taking responsibility is why your marriage ended, just saying!

CoralOP · 17/07/2025 07:43

They are adults and don't need their mother to buy clothes for them.

RobinEllacotStrike · 17/07/2025 07:43

Not your problem op.
this is for your x & his sons. Stay out of it.

HereWithoutYou · 17/07/2025 07:39

RosesAndHellebores · 17/07/2025 01:46

If their father wants to dictate the sort of suits they wear, he needs to pay.

This, but that’s only if your sons agree to want to wear matching suits.

I’m pleased this man is your ex. Cheeky bastard.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 17/07/2025 07:35

RosesAndHellebores · 17/07/2025 01:46

If their father wants to dictate the sort of suits they wear, he needs to pay.

As is often the case, the first reply nails it. Simple.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 17/07/2025 07:20

Your kids are adults. Absolutely no need for you to involve yourself.

Relaxd · 17/07/2025 07:18

It’s pretty simple - Be polite, say that you appreciate he has assumed you were already getting some new suits for the boys and that it might have been a joint (and clearly jointly paid for) solution however you are having a more informal set up and so they wouldn’t be wearing matching suits. They already have suitable suits that they can wear though - but if he wants something specialist for his wedding then he is responsible to sort those.

LoyalMember · 17/07/2025 07:18

Shorts, Hawaiian shirts, and sandals at your reception... ?
😳

Zanatdy · 17/07/2025 07:05

It’s his wedding, he can buy them. What a cheek suggesting you buy them as you’ll want them for your wedding next year. Not a chance i’d be paying for them.

Jumpthewaves · 17/07/2025 07:03

They are adults, let them sort it with their father, you don't need to be involved. He either pays for matching suits, or lets them sort their own.

TourdeFrance25 · 17/07/2025 06:54

NewGoldFox · 17/07/2025 06:47

They’re a bit old for matching suits no?

Depends whether they're part of his wedding party or not?

BlueBelle7979 · 17/07/2025 06:52

Tell him he's free to get whatever suits he wants for the boys, and you'll do the same for your wedding. Idiot that he is!

TourdeFrance25 · 17/07/2025 06:52

Geraldina · 17/07/2025 02:27

I feel a bit sorry for your sons caught in the middle.

Turn it round. Don't tell him to buy suits or hire them. Tell him they will be getting suits but not matching ones for your wedding, and leave it there.

Also check with your sons first that they would actually prefer to all choose their own separately, if you haven't already. Don't assume that they don't want to match, or you'll look like you're the one picking a fight.

Suits for HIS wedding aren't HER problem.

What she chooses first HER wedding is up to her.

@hazelowens what A Twat. At least he's your EX. Poor woman stupid enough to marry him. Tell the tight fisted idiot to buy/ rent the suits he wants them to wear in December. You'll not be buying matching suits and not buying anything at all until next year. Twat.

yakkity · 17/07/2025 06:48

How peculiar. His wedding. His request. His purchase.

since when do people go around asking their ex to purchase clothes for their wedding? Madness. Does he want you to pay for the venue as well? How about catering? Nut

NewGoldFox · 17/07/2025 06:47

They’re a bit old for matching suits no?

JustMyView13 · 17/07/2025 06:46

Said with kindness, this actually has nothing to do with you. And I realise your Ex has tried to drag you in by telling your (adult!) sons to get you to pay. But simply, this is between your DS’s and their DF. If there is a dress code to adhere to, then their DF must persuade them to participate and fund it.
If he’s happy for them to wear anything, then they can utilise something from their wardrobes. Or, as adult men, they can buy their own outfits if they prefer something new.
None of these scenarios have anything to do with you. Not your wedding, not your problem.

I wouldn’t send a message, I’d just say: Guys, it’s your dads wedding, if he wants you to wear a specific outfit, that’s between you and him to arrange and discuss. If you’re not comfortable with his suggestion, tell him. But I’m not getting involved.

HappilyUrbanTrimmer · 17/07/2025 06:44

His wedding. The budget for what he wants his sons to wear is his problem not yours. As are any arguments that need to be had to persuade the 3 of them to dress to his tastes rather than their own. Let your ex know that you'll not be putting a moment of though or a penny of funding into his wedding plans, and leave him to it.

Farmwifefarmlife · 17/07/2025 06:42

RosesAndHellebores · 17/07/2025 01:46

If their father wants to dictate the sort of suits they wear, he needs to pay.

100%

TwoPointOh · 17/07/2025 06:38

Richiewoo · 17/07/2025 04:59

Your kids are adults let them communicate with their father.

Exactly. I can’t understand why you are in the conversation discussing what they are going to wear to someone else’s wedding and what they might wear to a wedding that isn’t planned yet.

AnotherDayAnotherDog · 17/07/2025 06:37

Just tell Ex to sort it out with the lads on his own. Nothing to do with you.

Digdongdoo · 17/07/2025 06:34

They're adult men. Tell your ex once that you aren't buying them matching suits and stay out of it. Especially the older two, they're old enough not to make it your problem in the first place!

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